I'm Having a Baby!! Advice?

[Dome]

3 minutes ago, LETSGOBROWNIES said:

I drank the hell out of it as a teenager, it’s cheap.

Teenagers looking to survive alcohol poisoning, and grandparents looking to not. 

[billking]

Too bad you found out so early, my wife has irregular cycles and she was close to 13 weeks before we found out, really made the waiting a lot easier. When she gets close to delivery be sure to still stay active, walking helped my wife keep her energy up cause labor can be a real workout.

[JaguarCrazy2832]

On 7/17/2018 at 12:11 AM, fretgod99 said:

Congrats! My daughter (first and probably only kid) just hit 3 months on Saturday, so I just lived it.

Be invested. Go to appointments. Do things (like buying furniture and setting up shower registries, etc.) a little at a time and start early. Decide if you want to find out gender and if you are going to tell people before you get there. Check out your employment’s leave policies. If you qualify, decide how you want to use your FMLA leave; you get 12 weeks to use within the first 12 months - you do not have to use it all at once and I’d suggest for fathers that you don’t. My job let me substitute sick and vacation time, so all mine will be paid. I took a month off when the monster arrived, and I’m in the middle of a three week stretch where my wife is at grad class all day M-F. And I still have 5 more weeks to use whenever I want. But I definitely suggest taking time off when the child arrives if you can swing it. Having an extra person around in the early weeks is super helpful when everybody is delirious from lack of sleep (don’t let anyone tell you otherwise than that the first month or so kind of sucks - babies eat, sleep, poop, and cry. They don’t have a personality yet so it’s not particularly fun at the outset).

I just asked my wife what I did that she found helpful and her immediate response was “You brought me food and gave me back rubs”. Caveat, it was food that I knew she liked and could still eat despite the nausea. Some women get crushed by the nausea, some don’t. It also crops up at weird times and with weird foods so don’t get flustered if you bring something home that she liked yesterday but can’t stomach today; it ain’t personal, it’s just the way these things work. Most of the weight gain occurs in the second trimester, so if she has trouble keeping food down or eating a lot it should be alright. But keep your medical care provider informed. And, like I said, try to attend appointments whenever you can.

One final note: breastfeeding is great and there are loads of benefits, but it can sometimes feel like a bit of a cult. There’s a lot of pressure on women in particular to do things “the right way”. Let her know you support whatever she decides to do, run interference for d-bags, and remind her (and yourself) that feeding the child is priority #1 by far, in whatever form of nurishment the child will take. Breastfeeding doesn’t click for everybody. Besides, feeding your kid whether formula or pumped milk can be nice binding time.

So ultimately, pay attention and be involved. The human race has gotten along ok so far. So when you hit those panic moments (of which there’ll be many), rememeber that you can’t do much to really screw it up too badly. We’ve survived this long, if I can stumble my way through this, you can figure it out. Good luck!

Thanks for this! I do the errands, food, back rubs etc already before she was pregnant so thats nbd, i enjoy it. As far as FMLA isn't that unpaid leave though? Isn't that kind of counter-productive though? Or is that where the whole saving as much as you can now plays in so you can use those 12 weeks unpaid? We're still not far along so only my boss and another supervisor at work know because they need to know why i'm leaving early if that were to happen. Plus my wife's grandmother is about to die so that loss coupled with her extra emotions likely means i need to be there when it happens. I will be at all appointments and be painting the newborn's room when that happens

[JaguarCrazy2832]

On 7/20/2018 at 12:32 AM, billking said:

Too bad you found out so early, my wife has irregular cycles and she was close to 13 weeks before we found out, really made the waiting a lot easier. When she gets close to delivery be sure to still stay active, walking helped my wife keep her energy up cause labor can be a real workout.

Idk i was glad we found out when we did, being on vacation there was likely to be alot of drinking and eat things she shouldn't be while pregnant so that part was a blessing in disguise. It would be nice if the process was just 27 weeks from the time we found out though, but oh well

[fretgod99]

8 hours ago, JaguarCrazy2832 said:

Thanks for this! I do the errands, food, back rubs etc already before she was pregnant so thats nbd, i enjoy it. As far as FMLA isn't that unpaid leave though? Isn't that kind of counter-productive though? Or is that where the whole saving as much as you can now plays in so you can use those 12 weeks unpaid? We're still not far along so only my boss and another supervisor at work know because they need to know why i'm leaving early if that were to happen. Plus my wife's grandmother is about to die so that loss coupled with her extra emotions likely means i need to be there when it happens. I will be at all appointments and be painting the newborn's room when that happens

FMLA is unpaid. However, most places let you substitute sick and vacation leave, so it’s essentially paid. And they can’t deny it.

[LETSGOBROWNIES]

1 hour ago, fretgod99 said:

FMLA is unpaid. However, most places let you substitute sick and vacation leave, so it’s essentially paid. And they can’t deny it.

Yeah most places will let you use PTO.

I took 3 weeks, which tbh was long enough. Any longer and I’d have been DVRing Dr. Phil and day drinking.

[Slappy Mc]

My fiancé/wife is pregnant with our third child now, due late August. There are a lot of things that I found helpful during each of our pregnancies. 

1. Do as much of the little things as possible. Everyday when I get off work, I ask her how she is doing and if she needs anything. Mind you, my fiancé is very headstrong and doesn’t like help with anything. So when I ask that question I read her body language. You know her better than anyone else, try to pick up on the subtle hints if you can. Foot rubs, massages, and almost the most important thing for us, interacting with her tummy in a positive manor. (Rubbing on the tummy, talking to the baby)

2. When she begins to show, shower her with positive reinforcement. Every woman does it, they get self-conscious about gaining weight. Make sure you remind her DAILY that she is beautiful and how happy you are to be on this journey together. 

3. Don’t plan on anything. Constant schedule changes, unplanned doctor appointment and just general uncertainty about any given moment. Make yourself available for her. Going to ultrasound appointments is important, not only for her, but for you. Seeing your child for the first time is amazing.

4. Most important thing in my opinion: Enjoy the ride. Your life is about to get flipped on it’s head. Kids are the most wonderful, nerve-wrecking, heart-filling, infuriating, tear jerking, and genuinely “the most fulfilling thing you will ever do with your life”. The feeling of having a child call you dad, is the best thing I have ever experienced.

Congratulations. Don’t let a moment go by that you don’t enjoy. These kids grow up fast. 

PS Take lots of pictures, especially embarrassing ones that you can show their significant others later on in life. 

 

[Woz]

On 7/15/2018 at 3:27 PM, JaguarCrazy2832 said:

She just feels nauseous and isn't throwing up yet but she never wants to eat anything. Today she probably has eaten like 300 calories and thats it. Ginger ale has helped and heard good things about B6 and ginger before.

That happens too. With our first, my wife was throwing up regularly. With our second, she felt nauseous all the time but didn't throw up. Every pregnancy's different.

Basically, the best thing you can do is (as others have said) be attentive. Actually, be her shield from all the **** she's going to read/hear/believe. She will convince herself that she's doing something wrong or that she's hurting the baby if she does/doesn't do X. Bullpucky. Talk to your doctor. If they say X is the right call, then do that. There is a METRIC S-TON of pregnancy BS out there. What works for my wife may or may not work for yours. What one person swears by another will think is brought forth by the devil incarnate.

[Woz]

On 7/15/2018 at 6:22 PM, Kiwibrown said:

During labor you are kind of like a groomsmen. Stand round and don’t do much that is useful, obligated to be there.

That's a choice you can make. You can also be directly involved if you want to.

On 7/15/2018 at 6:22 PM, Kiwibrown said:

During labor you will be your wife’s advocate. During labor a chemical is released that is similar to heron ina women’s brain, a low dose of course. She won’t have her usual capability’s. So learn what she wants during labor. Pain relief or no pain relief. C-section vs natural. Who does she want to know when she is labor? What music does she want? 

This, on the other hand, is non-negotiable. The latter half of stuff Kiwi mentions here is what you'll learn is the "birth plan." Keep in mind, it is a plan not a guarantee. Like all plans, it may not survive first contact. If she wants a natural child birth with no drugs, but they have to intervene, that is okay. She is not a failure because the plan didn't come together.

[Woz]

:applauds: @fretgod99 and @Slappy Mc - those are great posts. Read them, @JaguarCrazy2832. Repeatedly

[JaguarCrazy2832]

2 hours ago, Woz said:

That happens too. With our first, my wife was throwing up regularly. With our second, she felt nauseous all the time but didn't throw up. Every pregnancy's different.

Basically, the best thing you can do is (as others have said) be attentive. Actually, be her shield from all the **** she's going to read/hear/believe. She will convince herself that she's doing something wrong or that she's hurting the baby if she does/doesn't do X. Bullpucky. Talk to your doctor. If they say X is the right call, then do that. There is a METRIC S-TON of pregnancy BS out there. What works for my wife may or may not work for yours. What one person swears by another will think is brought forth by the devil incarnate.

The 2nd part is my biggest concern about worrying herself to death. I cant shield her right now because she is a teacher(out for the Summer) and i work a year round 8-5 job so right now she is able to look up whatever. 

Last night her side was hurting and she was freakin out about it being a big problem 

[Woz]

Just now, JaguarCrazy2832 said:

The 2nd part is my biggest concern about worrying herself to death. I cant shield her right now because she is a teacher(out for the Summer) and i work a year round 8-5 job so right now she is able to look up whatever. 

Last night her side was hurting and she was freakin out about it being a big problem 

Given that this is your first, this is normal. She will freak out about every little thing because it's new/different and the whole situation is scary. Should you go for a second (or more), she will likely be calm. Use your best judgment about "oh you need to eat X" or "don't do Y." If it sounds reasonable (like eating eggs), then go with it if she feels up to it. If it sounds off the wall (someone telling her to drink the juice from jalapeno jars), perhaps try to convince her to double check that. Now, if she wants to do something weird like that, let her. Two reasons: 1. that's not a fight you will win and not a hill worth dying on; and 2. it could be her body is telling her she needs something that it believes it can get from there. Again, use sense: if it is something like wanting to eat charcoal or dirt (that's called pica, and is normal but not great), then you might want to calmly call the doctor(*).

The best you can do is be there for her and reassure her that in all likelihood, it comes with the territory. Most OB/GYN's are used to first time moms being uber freaked out and calling about every little thing, so if she's concerned, tell her to call up the doc. Basically be her sounding board because she's going to be afraid and will be getting advice from hundreds of sources (not all of it good advice). Keep the communication lines open. Make sure she knows that you aren't judging her but want to help her/be a part of this. Going to the checkups shows that you are a team.

 

I realize I didn't say "Congrats!" earlier so ... umm ... "Congrats!"  As Slappy said, your world is about to be turned upside down, but it's worth it.

 

 

(*) Note about pica from the article: "Don’t panic; it happens and is not abnormal. The most important thing is to inform your health care provider to make sure you have a complete understanding of the specific risks associated with your cravings."

[Kiwibrown]

6 hours ago, Woz said:

That's a choice you can make. You can also be directly involved if you want to.

To clarify the groomsmen statement, the people running the show are the doc's and midwives. 

6 hours ago, Woz said:

This, on the other hand, is non-negotiable. The latter half of stuff Kiwi mentions here is what you'll learn is the "birth plan." Keep in mind, it is a plan not a guarantee. Like all plans, it may not survive first contact. If she wants a natural child birth with no drugs, but they have to intervene, that is okay. She is not a failure because the plan didn't come together.

 

[LETSGOBROWNIES]

25 minutes ago, Kiwibrown said:

To clarify the groomsmen statement, the people running the show are the doc's and midwives. 

 

Then the nurses.

Then the aides.

Then the lady who emptied the trash.

Then the dude at the Subway on the first floor who made me my mediocre meatball sub on italian bread when it was supposed to be Italian herbs and cheese bread.

Then me, posted up in the corner of the room not trying to see anything I can’t unsee.

That’s how that works fellas.

[Kiwibrown]

11 minutes ago, LETSGOBROWNIES said:

Then the nurses.

Then the aides.

Then the lady who emptied the trash.

Then the dude at the Subway on the first floor who made me my mediocre meatball sub on italian bread when it was supposed to be Italian herbs and cheese bread.

Then me, posted up in the corner of the room not trying to see anything I can’t unsee.

That’s how that works fellas.

My mate said it is like seeing your favorite restaurant burn down.