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Englishing wrong.


Kiwibrown

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This thread is about the use and misuse of the English Language. 

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There once was a lady that I worked with. She was considerably closer to the shape of a globe to the power of infinity than to what men find conventionally attractive. We shall call her PorkChop. I was work with this rotund wonder on an occasional basis. Her circumference is the first impression that you get from her, but it is not the lasting one. Her lack of command of the English language is really what does it for me. 
PorkChop uses the wrong words with the wrong volume. And there shouldn't be any excuses she comes from one of the former Colonies of the Her Majesty the Queen. 

Example Dr Smart Guy charts half a wants to give half a bag of IVF fluids correctly,  PC reads it doesn't understand it. Standing near 5 patients she tilts her head back, turns her volume up to 50 and shouts "THIS IS CHARTED ILLEGALLY". The Dr who charted it is a Dr of medicine. He seems like he is in the top 5% of Dr's. He is a legit dude as well. His charting is seldom wrong and has never been illegal. Heck the only charting that would be illegal is if the person isn't registered too chart medicine. 

Later that very same day PC asked me to do a Venous Blood Gas, it is a blood test on a patient. I couldn't do it i was going to dinner and lady was covering me who was about to go off shift. My response,  "Ask Mary to do it" I said.

PC "MAAAAARRRY" she didn't ask her, she didn't find her, it was as if she was trying to summon her like we are in Lord of the Rings or something. 

Shesh.

Ill continue. 

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We have a meeting between shifts that has brief report on all the patients. One of the pieces of information that is passed is when some doesn't speak English. It is an important piece of information in the health care setting. 

It is often reported to us as "She doesn't speak no English" Why the double negative? Don't you know to not use no double negatives? Wouldn't the correct formulation of the sentence be "Mrs X doesn't speak English" Or "Mr X speaks very limited English"

Rant here my FF brethern. 

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Here is another one.

Me and my friend were at a cafe getting coffee. it was nice place but had this one crappy wooden door. It swung open in the wind. A Waitress closed it and gave a frustrated huff.
It swung open again in the wind. 

Angrily she asked us "Does you guys opened the door?" I sated at her blankly trying to figure out which tense to use.
She repeated it louder "Does you guys opened the door??" I still couldn't answer her .

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2 minutes ago, Kiwibrown said:

Generally I don't either. 

but sometimes it is such a mash of incoherence. 

i grew up in an area where i didn't know what ppl were talking about a large majority of the time because of their general incompetence when it comes to speaking/knowing things. my first job was working in the kitchen at a restaurant and the lady "training" me was telling me that when i wash my hands i need to go up to my elbows. i was thinking like wtf alright whatever. so i washed my forearms and she's like "wtf you doing calm down w/ that **** jesus christ just to the elbows" she said while pointing to her wrist. this OT, but just thought of that.  

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16 minutes ago, FinneasGage said:

i grew up in an area where i didn't know what ppl were talking about a large majority of the time because of their general incompetence when it comes to speaking/knowing things. my first job was working in the kitchen at a restaurant and the lady "training" me was telling me that when i wash my hands i need to go up to my elbows. i was thinking like wtf alright whatever. so i washed my forearms and she's like "wtf you doing calm down w/ that **** jesus christ just to the elbows" she said while pointing to her wrist. this OT, but just thought of that.  

Idiot, obviously it is your hand elbows not your elbow elbows.

I was in surgery as a student nurse on my one and only day there, and this try hard do gooder nurse specialist told me that I had to get involved with surgery. there is a break in the surgery and she tells me to unwind this kids legs. So I start to undo this bandage on his foot in a stirup. the surgeon yells something at me with a lot of heat.

I crap myself and stand  in  the middle of the theater like a possum in the head lights while 10 people look at this stupid student. 

Do gooder steps up and appologises and says that she wanted me to pull part some of the bed th kid was on. How the hell was I meant to know. 

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Just now, Kiwibrown said:

only day their

whoops. cool part bout this thread is a big portion of us are developmentally disabled and are still gonna clown others equally feeble grasp of the language

but yo man you did better w/ that than i would've if someone told me to "unwind" someone's legs. cause that means nooooooothing lmao.

yeah man that actually is pretty infuriating when people use like vague-*** terminology and then get pissed when you do something else since what they said didn't make any sense and they're the only ones using a particular word in a particular context. i can't recall anything, but my parents always used to do that **** lol. 

 

 

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24 minutes ago, FinneasGage said:

@Shady Slim what american tendencies get you hot, bruv? 

oh australians are blights on english the way we speak 

the way i speak irl isn’t as bad as my typing but that’s just bc i don’t give a **** when typing, backspace is for the weak etc etc

mind you it’s still pretty, um, colourful!

big one we do - it’s weird - when i am typing i say y’all but rarely irl, bc i say youse (pronounced “yuzz”), which i am sure will make @Kiwibrown faint

this is a hilariously unironic incredibly true slice of western sydney

fwiw that is mt druitt station i go past it every day omw to uni lol

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2 minutes ago, Shady Slim said:

oh australians are blights on english the way we speak 

the way i speak irl isn’t as bad as my typing but that’s just bc i don’t give a **** when typing, backspace is for the weak etc etc

mind you it’s still pretty, um, colourful!

big one we do - it’s weird - when i am typing i say y’all but rarely irl, bc i say youse (pronounced “yuzz”), which i am sure will make @Kiwibrown faint

this is a hilariously unironic incredibly true slice of western sydney

 

this is 100% how i imagine australians talking. yall got better words i feel like. like the common slang and what not i mean. 

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3 minutes ago, Shady Slim said:

big one we do - it’s weird - when i am typing i say y’all but rarely irl, bc i say youse (pronounced “yuzz”), which i am sure will make @Kiwibrown faint

 

Im all about yuzz. I hate that yous isn't a word in form English, you is pluralized in other European languages. 

 

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