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Relationship Advice Thread


scar988

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I wouldn't mind dating this girl and says she wants to go on a date but she's always been busy and doesn't offer many other options.

Last time I said that she can let me know if she has a time that works and I left it at that. I don't really expect her to try to set anything up. I should move on right?

She always messaged me back but never did much to keep the conversation going

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30 minutes ago, vikesfan89 said:

I wouldn't mind dating this girl and says she wants to go on a date but she's always been busy and doesn't offer many other options.

Last time I said that she can let me know if she has a time that works and I left it at that. I don't really expect her to try to set anything up. I should move on right?

She always messaged me back but never did much to keep the conversation going

Nah, man.  Gotta take that initiative.  How many times have you asked her?  I would say if it's happened three times or more, then yes, move on.

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20 minutes ago, Daniel said:

Nah, man.  Gotta take that initiative.  How many times have you asked her?  I would say if it's happened three times or more, then yes, move on.

I've tried to set something up more than a few times but she always had school and work which is understandable. The last 2 weekends she did have off and it seems like we could have made something work. Didn't seem like her plans would have taken up the whole weekend but I won't pretend to know much about them.

I left the ball in her court. Maybe she'll decide to pursue it, maybe she won't

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9 hours ago, vikesfan89 said:

I wouldn't mind dating this girl and says she wants to go on a date but she's always been busy and doesn't offer many other options.

Last time I said that she can let me know if she has a time that works and I left it at that. I don't really expect her to try to set anything up. I should move on right?

She always messaged me back but never did much to keep the conversation going

This has always worked for me (not that it's worked per say, but in that I've gotten closure). I'm a fairly direct person, so I'd say something along the lines of:

I think that you're attractive/fun to be around, and I'd love to take you out sometime. I understand that you're busy. Let me know a time that works for you, and if not, that's cool too.

IMO beating around the bush isn't the way to handle something like that.

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13 hours ago, MWil23 said:

This has always worked for me (not that it's worked per say, but in that I've gotten closure). I'm a fairly direct person, so I'd say something along the lines of:

I think that you're attractive/fun to be around, and I'd love to take you out sometime. I understand that you're busy. Let me know a time that works for you, and if not, that's cool too.

IMO beating around the bush isn't the way to handle something like that.

That's kind of what I did in not so many words. She knows I want to take her out and I said to let me know if she has a time that works. I probably should have been more direct though. Make sure she knows that I'm leaving it up to her

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On 14/05/2019 at 8:51 AM, Tyty said:

Reason this is complicated is because idk how to say it without you guys siding with me. I am friends with a guy that is seeing a girl I like that I am friends with as well. She is an interesting girl and I enjoy spending time with her and we have compatible personalities for sure. I have put my feelings on the back burner ever since I learned they were together obviously and won’t ever compromise that. She is fully into him and trusts him but he is using her, he’s sleeping with other women and boasts about it to me (he has a sarcastic egotistical personality that is hard to understand unless you know him, which is why it’s hard to explain the situation kinda). She has asked me on a couple occasions if she is wasting her time with him and I can’t answer that honestly because to do so would be to betray him, and he’s one of my closest friends. I’m not sure what my place is here, if she’d ever even consider me in that way or if I’m just a bearer of bad news and a friend to her. She’s a fun and pretty genuine girl that has issues of her own but their union isn’t right and is going to end terribly once she finds out who he is, which really sucks because everyone knows who he is and she knew who he was before she started with him but just hoped for a different outcome with him. 

I ultimately think you guys are going to side with me and say it would be better of me to either right the wrong or stay out of it, but I’m just looking for suggestions I guess. It just hurts my heart that he seems to think it’s funny and he brags about what he does all the while she has no idea. I value myself as an honest dude that doesn’t give away secrets so I’m pretty much feeling like there’s not a course of action here that doesn’t involve destroying the other person in the equation. Not telling the girl and letting her sink further and further into the mess will just hurt her more and telling her will hurt her and betray his trust and ruin the friendship. He isn’t the kind of guy that would see that as him getting caught in his own ****iness, but being betrayed by someone he thought was a friend. 

Again, I don’t think I have an ulterior motive here where I’m trying to slash him to get her, I think I’m more respectable than that. It’s just a complex situation that’s above my pay grade. 

I think you need to conpartmentalise each issue and to right by each one.

Your friendship to your buddy/his cheating.

If you tell the truth he probably isnt goingto be your friend anymore, but that isnttheright thing by your freindship. As a freind you should confront him about it, if he doesnt both confess and change his ways I'd go to your female freind.

Your friendship with her.

If my wife was screwing around I'd want my mutual freinds of my wife and I to tell me. She deserves to know, her partner is an important part of her future.

 

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On 5/13/2019 at 1:51 PM, Tyty said:

Reason this is complicated is because idk how to say it without you guys siding with me. I am friends with a guy that is seeing a girl I like that I am friends with as well. She is an interesting girl and I enjoy spending time with her and we have compatible personalities for sure. I have put my feelings on the back burner ever since I learned they were together obviously and won’t ever compromise that. She is fully into him and trusts him but he is using her, he’s sleeping with other women and boasts about it to me (he has a sarcastic egotistical personality that is hard to understand unless you know him, which is why it’s hard to explain the situation kinda). She has asked me on a couple occasions if she is wasting her time with him and I can’t answer that honestly because to do so would be to betray him, and he’s one of my closest friends. I’m not sure what my place is here, if she’d ever even consider me in that way or if I’m just a bearer of bad news and a friend to her. She’s a fun and pretty genuine girl that has issues of her own but their union isn’t right and is going to end terribly once she finds out who he is, which really sucks because everyone knows who he is and she knew who he was before she started with him but just hoped for a different outcome with him. 

I ultimately think you guys are going to side with me and say it would be better of me to either right the wrong or stay out of it, but I’m just looking for suggestions I guess. It just hurts my heart that he seems to think it’s funny and he brags about what he does all the while she has no idea. I value myself as an honest dude that doesn’t give away secrets so I’m pretty much feeling like there’s not a course of action here that doesn’t involve destroying the other person in the equation. Not telling the girl and letting her sink further and further into the mess will just hurt her more and telling her will hurt her and betray his trust and ruin the friendship. He isn’t the kind of guy that would see that as him getting caught in his own ****iness, but being betrayed by someone he thought was a friend. 

Again, I don’t think I have an ulterior motive here where I’m trying to slash him to get her, I think I’m more respectable than that. It’s just a complex situation that’s above my pay grade. 

go to your guy friend and tell him the girl has come to you as a friend and asked you whether you feel she is wasting her time with your guy friend. then you've informed him that she's on to him.

let them work it out. and you show your loyalty to him.

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3 hours ago, vike daddy said:

go to your guy friend and tell him the girl has come to you as a friend and asked you whether you feel she is wasting her time with your guy friend. then you've informed him that she's on to him.

let them work it out. and you show your loyalty to him.

Conclusion: so I confronted him about it and it went pretty much as I expected since I guess ultimately their relationship is only their business and also the guy is little ball of masculinity and ego. He told me he hasn’t cheated on her and he still isn’t even though he’s bragged voraciously to me in the past about all his side activities. I told him you know that’s bull**** dude and then the rest of the day he passive aggressively made jabs at me about how I’m a woman for getting involved and stuff and it finally came to the point where I told him to **** off and asked him if he wanted to talk about it outside which isn’t typically in my nature, especially with friends. He dropped it, talked about only tv shows and stuff from then on but I think I’m done with the whole situation, I’m not investing any more energy into it. 

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7 hours ago, vike daddy said:

go to your guy friend and tell him the girl has come to you as a friend and asked you whether you feel she is wasting her time with your guy friend. then you've informed him that she's on to him.

let them work it out. and you show your loyalty to him.

This was really great advice, shame he didnt follow it. 

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9 hours ago, Tyty said:

Conclusion: so I confronted him about it and it went pretty much as I expected since I guess ultimately their relationship is only their business and also the guy is little ball of masculinity and ego. He told me he hasn’t cheated on her and he still isn’t even though he’s bragged voraciously to me in the past about all his side activities. I told him you know that’s bull**** dude and then the rest of the day he passive aggressively made jabs at me about how I’m a woman for getting involved and stuff and it finally came to the point where I told him to **** off and asked him if he wanted to talk about it outside which isn’t typically in my nature, especially with friends. He dropped it, talked about only tv shows and stuff from then on but I think I’m done with the whole situation, I’m not investing any more energy into it. 

umm... don't you think you ought to be done with him as a friend too? i mean, what does knowing him really gain you?

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44 minutes ago, vike daddy said:

umm... don't you think you ought to be done with him as a friend too? i mean, what does knowing him really gain you?

I’m thinking the same, which sucks because he became one of my best friends after I finally escaped my marriage and started being my own human again

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2 minutes ago, Tyty said:

I’m thinking the same, which sucks because he became one of my best friends after I finally escaped my marriage and started being my own human again

perhaps because of your need at the time for someone to feel human again with, you built him up to be a greater friend and person than he's capable of being.

but now, knowing of his true self, you don't really need him nor does knowing him, let alone trusting him, gain you anything.

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