Relationship Advice Thread

[Mega Ron]

On 04/12/2019 at 8:14 PM, KOTN-93 said:

Moving out of the midwest for the 1st time. Tips for meeting people where you know no one and the culture may be different (Moving to KC if that helps)

 

37 minutes ago, JoshstraDaymus said:

Serious question:

I'm getting married next year, and my wife to be and I have always kinda gone back and forth on the whole biological child thing. I'm personally more for at least 1-2 of our own and then we want to do foster to adopt. However, I don't think she's all on board with the biological child thing and at the end, its more her choice than mine. Her body. While I will love any adopted child like any of my own, I still (greedy or not) would like my own bloodline to kinda continue.

How would you breach the subject?

Put a hole in the condom.

Edit: I don't know how I quoted that top but of text. Seeing that I have, I'll offer some advice.

Join a softball team, and make the effort to attend all work social events.

Edited December 6, 2019 by Mega Ron
..

[Malfatron]

39 minutes ago, JoshstraDaymus said:

Serious question:

I'm getting married next year, and my wife to be and I have always kinda gone back and forth on the whole biological child thing. I'm personally more for at least 1-2 of our own and then we want to do foster to adopt. However, I don't think she's all on board with the biological child thing and at the end, its more her choice than mine. Her body. While I will love any adopted child like any of my own, I still (greedy or not) would like my own bloodline to kinda continue.

How would you breach the subject?

Find out her concerns over having the kids first and foremost.

[Daniel]

5 hours ago, JoshstraDaymus said:

Serious question:

I'm getting married next year, and my wife to be and I have always kinda gone back and forth on the whole biological child thing. I'm personally more for at least 1-2 of our own and then we want to do foster to adopt. However, I don't think she's all on board with the biological child thing and at the end, its more her choice than mine. Her body. While I will love any adopted child like any of my own, I still (greedy or not) would like my own bloodline to kinda continue.

How would you breach the subject?

See, I'm kind of the opposite.  I'd rather adopt than actually have a kid.  Though I'd prefer to just not have kids at all.

I mean, if your fiance isn't close to 30 yet, her biological clock will probably do a lot of the heavy lifting for you there when she does.  If you're not planning on having kids anytime soon (which I assume, since you're planning a wedding), I wouldn't think it's important to talk about it right now; talk about it when the subject of kids comes up (as soon as you get married, literally every boomer you see will ask you both).  Unless you've never discussed this at all, in which case, I'd say bring it up whenever, because it is important that your fiance knows your wants on that subject.  You're getting married, so you should be past the point where bringing that up at the "wrong" time would be weird or cause a fight.

[vikesfan89]

8 hours ago, JoshstraDaymus said:

Serious question:

I'm getting married next year, and my wife to be and I have always kinda gone back and forth on the whole biological child thing. I'm personally more for at least 1-2 of our own and then we want to do foster to adopt. However, I don't think she's all on board with the biological child thing and at the end, its more her choice than mine. Her body. While I will love any adopted child like any of my own, I still (greedy or not) would like my own bloodline to kinda continue.

How would you breach the subject?

Other than the whole pregnancy thing I feel like adopted kids would be a lot more of a challenge

[TOUCAN]

3 hours ago, vikesfan89 said:

Other than the whole pregnancy thing I feel like adopted kids would be a lot more of a challenge

For her it may be easier because she’s a social worker so she sees all of this all the time.

[Shanedorf]

On 12/6/2019 at 7:18 AM, JoshstraDaymus said:

However, I don't think she's all on board with the biological child thing and at the end, its more her choice than mine. Her body.

hmmm, maybe she thinks you're kinda ugly and doesn't want to burden the future kids with your looks ?   

Joking aside, these are joint decisions and its a perfect time to start learning how to make joint decisions. Talk about it, be honest and know that you don't have to make a final decision today. And you might even change your mind a couple of times. But right now you're just guessing about how she feels.
Have the conversations in a relaxed an open discussion
Timing is a part of it too as others have noted. Biological is typically faster than going through the foster/adoption process

My charming bride asked me:
Wife: Are you ready to start a family ?
Me: No
Wife: Will you ever be ready ?
Me: Probably not

Wife: OK then, let's do it !
And she was right -  had we waited until I was "ready" , we'd have been really "old" parents

[Heimdallr]

Met a girl IRL. What a concept!

[TLO]

On 12/6/2019 at 7:18 AM, JoshstraDaymus said:

Serious question:

I'm getting married next year, and my wife to be and I have always kinda gone back and forth on the whole biological child thing. I'm personally more for at least 1-2 of our own and then we want to do foster to adopt. However, I don't think she's all on board with the biological child thing and at the end, its more her choice than mine. Her body. While I will love any adopted child like any of my own, I still (greedy or not) would like my own bloodline to kinda continue.

How would you breach the subject?

Am I the only one that found this strange? You’re marrying this girl and you haven’t already had this discussion? Idk, this would be a sticking point for me regardless of what side of the fence I was on. 

[kgarrett12486]

7 hours ago, TLO said:

Am I the only one that found this strange? You’re marrying this girl and you haven’t already had this discussion? Idk, this would be a sticking point for me regardless of what side of the fence I was on. 

Agreed 100%. You guys should probably get on the same page with the kids thing before you get married. Otherwise it's just going to be a more serious and emotional strain down the line...

I've seen several marriages end over the kids issue...

[DreamKid]

Anyone else notice that a ton of women shoot their shot around the Holidays? Specifically with the 'Family's Christmas/Holiday Party Invitation'. It really seems to be an acceptable Hail Mary from a significant number of girls. Surprisingly, very few even hedge it with the "Just as friends of course" nonsense. It's an outright confession wrapped in an invitation.

 

[Fl0nkerton]

2 hours ago, DreamKid said:

Anyone else notice that a ton of women shoot their shot around the Holidays? Specifically with the 'Family's Christmas/Holiday Party Invitation'. It really seems to be an acceptable Hail Mary from a significant number of girls. Surprisingly, very few even hedge it with the "Just as friends of course" nonsense. It's an outright confession wrapped in an invitation.

 

[vikesfan89]

17 hours ago, DreamKid said:

Anyone else notice that a ton of women shoot their shot around the Holidays? Specifically with the 'Family's Christmas/Holiday Party Invitation'. It really seems to be an acceptable Hail Mary from a significant number of girls. Surprisingly, very few even hedge it with the "Just as friends of course" nonsense. It's an outright confession wrapped in an invitation.

 

No, no I have not

[OkeyDoke21]

On 12/18/2019 at 6:10 AM, DreamKid said:

Anyone else notice that a ton of women shoot their shot around the Holidays? Specifically with the 'Family's Christmas/Holiday Party Invitation'. It really seems to be an acceptable Hail Mary from a significant number of girls. Surprisingly, very few even hedge it with the "Just as friends of course" nonsense. It's an outright confession wrapped in an invitation.

 

That is more of a move to not be alone in group settings than it is a Hail Mary or confession, tbh.  I see it used to prevent girls from being harassed by family members/co workers about not being in a relationship or having a prospective significant other.  I wouldn't even view that as a ticket to the friendzone, I'd view that as meaning you're already there.  

Edited December 19, 2019 by jyod21

[DreamKid]

8 hours ago, jyod21 said:

That is more of a move to not be alone in group settings than it is a Hail Mary or confession, tbh.  I see it used to prevent girls from being harassed by family members/co workers about not being in a relationship or having a prospective significant other.  I wouldn't even view that as a ticket to the friendzone, I'd view that as meaning you're already there. 

What you're describing just sounds like normal interactions between friends. I wouldn't even call it a 'move' within those parameters. I'm referring specifically to situations where it's used as a clear romantic/physical overture. And weirdly it typically comes from girls that are closer to the acquaintance level more so than an actual friend. It's just always seemed like a such a weird tactic to me.  

[N4L]

6 hours ago, DreamKid said:

What you're describing just sounds like normal interactions between friends. I wouldn't even call it a 'move' within those parameters. I'm referring specifically to situations where it's used as a clear romantic/physical overture. And weirdly it typically comes from girls that are closer to the acquaintance level more so than an actual friend. It's just always seemed like a such a weird tactic to me.  

 

On 12/18/2019 at 5:35 AM, Fl0nkerton said:

I think you need to look at this chart again lol