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Relationship Advice Thread


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18 hours ago, GHARMON9 said:

Not relationship advice, but friendship advice, this is pretty much venting.

Have any of you had to stop being friends or take a drastic step back from somebody?

A super unlucky/negative friend?




 

Yeah I've cut quite a few friends out of my life for various reasons over the last couple of years.

It sucks but I'm the type of person that would bend over backwards to help someone out. I've learned to cut bait if that isn't somewhat reciprocated.

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3 hours ago, GHARMON9 said:

I see myself in this message. 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're putting way too much importance on this girl. You never would have posted about it if you didn't. This means you need to get out more / stay busy with things that solely interest you. When you have things going on in your own life you do not worry about when a woman gets back to you, especially one you literally don't know lol. Believe me I was where you were at. No woman takes that long to text/message back. Almost everyone lives on their phone, do not give me that excuse.  

Like ET said. When you get your finances right, (aka your own property, car, investments good career, etc) things become much easier with women. Though that's only one part of the process I think its by far the hardest but also the best for your own being.

Talking to women is the easiest part IMO, but I also think a decent amount of women are genuinely boring and have difficulty holding a conversation. I fall for women who have a sense of humor and are average looking versus good looking and stale personality wise. Ill be 30 next month so that shows where my head is at. (Been on this forum since I was 13 sheesh!, BornToFly still around? )  

Men just don't like the black & white of dating.. If a girl rejects you, keep it moving. She doesn't even know you! 

I've had girls over the years reject me when I asked if they wanted a drink/dance, then an hour later wanting to go home with me. I literally did nothing to persuade them . I just went on like they didn't exist. You wont believe it till it happens to you. Do not chase women, they'll make themselves available if they actually like you.

It's funny. I glanced at her profile last night. She changes some pictures, so I know she has been on. I just sent her a message that if she wasn't interested then no biggie and hoped she finds what shes looking for.

I have car, not great, but it runs. A career in a rapidly expanding company. I have no debt other than my student loans, and good credit.

My personality gets my foot in the door. I have a good conversation, back and forth, then nothing. I'm know my body is the problem. Still fat, but I'm night and day, from what I was a year ago. My diet sucks. Still working on it. I can't be upset about it. I take looks into consideration as much as anyone else. It's nowhere near a hard and fast rule but it's a percentage of the overall score.

I figured if I worked on myself for awhile, and gave this a shot, I'd be ok. I wouldn't have the same level of rejection as I had in the past. That hasn't been the case, and has put me in a dark headspace.

I even got chastised, by boss, for going out for drinks with some guys from work after I had covid 2 weeks prior, and one of them tested positive and I got concerned about my lingering cough getting worse.

Everything I've done, personally, and professionally, to navigate my mental health seems to be wrong lol.

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1 hour ago, twslhs20 said:

It's funny. I glanced at her profile last night. She changes some pictures, so I know she has been on. I just sent her a message that if she wasn't interested then no biggie and hoped she finds what shes looking for.

 

I hate this. Had a girl send me a "Goodnight text" and then she went on IG posted stories for a few hours...

 

It's apart of the game man. They like to see what they can get away with.

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12 hours ago, GHARMON9 said:

Yeah, I'm the last of our friend group to take a step back from him.
 

It's just starting to mess with my finances and mental health dealing with the guy.  

SAME!!! I was one of the last to drop my 'former friend' as well and it messed with my finances too! It's why I asked myself, emotionally is it worthy of my energy and all else. I hope it works out! It's NOT an easy thing to just say good bye to a friend... We all know from the outside you should do it but actually writing or saying to them is a different beast. 

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On 1/4/2022 at 3:31 PM, GHARMON9 said:

Not relationship advice, but friendship advice, this is pretty much venting.

Have any of you had to stop being friends or take a drastic step back from somebody?

A super unlucky/negative friend?




 

yeah.  Im at the stage of my life where i cut people off that gives me negative energy.  especially those who grew up as friends with. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
On 1/5/2022 at 9:01 AM, twslhs20 said:

It's funny. I glanced at her profile last night. She changes some pictures, so I know she has been on. I just sent her a message that if she wasn't interested then no biggie and hoped she finds what shes looking for.

I have car, not great, but it runs. A career in a rapidly expanding company. I have no debt other than my student loans, and good credit.

My personality gets my foot in the door. I have a good conversation, back and forth, then nothing. I'm know my body is the problem. Still fat, but I'm night and day, from what I was a year ago. My diet sucks. Still working on it. I can't be upset about it. I take looks into consideration as much as anyone else. It's nowhere near a hard and fast rule but it's a percentage of the overall score.

I figured if I worked on myself for awhile, and gave this a shot, I'd be ok. I wouldn't have the same level of rejection as I had in the past. That hasn't been the case, and has put me in a dark headspace.

I even got chastised, by boss, for going out for drinks with some guys from work after I had covid 2 weeks prior, and one of them tested positive and I got concerned about my lingering cough getting worse.

Everything I've done, personally, and professionally, to navigate my mental health seems to be wrong lol.

If you can budget for it, I recommend eHarmony. It’s how I met my wife. Though it did take me a while on there before we finally met. She, on the other hand, was only on there for a week 😅

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On 1/28/2022 at 1:46 PM, Xenos said:

If you can budget for it, I recommend eHarmony. It’s how I met my wife. Though it did take me a while on there before we finally met. She, on the other hand, was only on there for a week 😅

Maybe. I can't seem to get a match, let alone a date. Dating, in general, is hard. Online dating is a hellscape.

I'm also looking at changing careers.

A lot of moving parts right now.

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34 minutes ago, twslhs20 said:

Maybe. I can't seem to get a match, let alone a date. Dating, in general, is hard. Online dating is a hellscape.

I'm also looking at changing careers.

A lot of moving parts right now.

No worries. Dating is hard. I totally agree. It’s unfortunately does involve a lot of rules that you have to abide by. Not because it’s intentional but because human psychology and emotions are complicated. I would prioritize the more important things first if you feel burned out by it. 

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45 minutes ago, twslhs20 said:

Maybe. I can't seem to get a match, let alone a date. Dating, in general, is hard. Online dating is a hellscape.

I'm also looking at changing careers.

A lot of moving parts right now.

Girls on dating apps get bombarded, seemingly universally, so you have to send tons and tons of messages just to get a response, then lots of those convos to get a date.  Then probably a lot of those dates for a good date.

Just go with the mindset that it's casual.  That's the whole point.  You'll get responses eventually.

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4 hours ago, Daniel said:

Girls on dating apps get bombarded, seemingly universally, so you have to send tons and tons of messages just to get a response, then lots of those convos to get a date.  Then probably a lot of those dates for a good date.

Just go with the mindset that it's casual.  That's the whole point.  You'll get responses eventually.

Almost like sending out a resume to a job you want. Lots of applications required 😆

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5 hours ago, Daniel said:

Girls on dating apps get bombarded, seemingly universally, so you have to send tons and tons of messages just to get a response, then lots of those convos to get a date.  Then probably a lot of those dates for a good date.

Just go with the mindset that it's casual.  That's the whole point.  You'll get responses eventually.

I know my photos are bad. Profile as well probably. I don't take good pictures, and hiring a photographer seems like way over kill. So it is what it is.

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7 minutes ago, twslhs20 said:

I know my photos are bad. Profile as well probably. I don't take good pictures, and hiring a photographer seems like way over kill. So it is what it is.

Yeah, that’s more effort than you need. Sort girls by the newest ones to the app you’re using. Then you get a message in before their box fills up.

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  • 1 month later...
On 1/5/2022 at 11:25 AM, twslhs20 said:

Yeah I've cut quite a few friends out of my life for various reasons over the last couple of years.

It sucks but I'm the type of person that would bend over backwards to help someone out. I've learned to cut bait if that isn't somewhat reciprocated.

This becomes the norm as you progress through adulthood. I chilled with a lot of hooligans when I was a younger adult. Led me to the fast life, which of course I take the brunt of the blame for, but those dudes definitely played a role. Nothing wrong with cutting people out of your life who are detrimental to you. In fact- it's a good thing. Good on you. 

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