Relationship Advice Thread

[AFlaccoSeagulls]

32 minutes ago, MWil23 said:

Pro tip:

Most girls are happy to be hit on while they’re sweating profusely without makeup.

Not re-racking your weights, holding up 3+ machines simultaneously for your circuit workout, doing over 5 sets/holding up the ____ for over 15 minutes, I mean, they need a mandatory etiquette course in the gym.

Curls in the squat racks are always #1 for me. That, and stealing every single 45lb plate in the gym so you can do a 1/2" leg press for 8 sets (this one I've witnessed MULTIPLE times and each time I'm just in disbelief. Dude had like 8 plates on both sides and was BARELY moving his legs up and down while doing sets of 10)

[MWil23]

1 minute ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said:

Curls in the squat racks are always #1 for me. That, and stealing every single 45lb plate in the gym so you can do a 1/2" leg press for 8 sets (this one I've witnessed MULTIPLE times and each time I'm just in disbelief. Dude had like 8 plates on both sides and was BARELY moving his legs up and down while doing sets of 10)

Oh yes BOTH of these!

[PARROTHEAD]

4 hours ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said:

Sorry if this is the wrong thread, but I didn't know whether to post this in WAYT, Relationship Advice, or here...

Anyways, my ex-fiancee told me last night about how some guy approached her at the gym, started harassing her (just like constantly talking to her and not leaving her alone), then FaceTimed his friend and forced her to be on camera with him telling his buddy how hot she is, then after she refused to give him her number, he gave her his.

She reported the incident to the gym staff afterwards and now she's scared for her safety because they gym might kick him out and then she's afraid he might retaliate/stalk her or do something more serious.

My question is - is there anything I can/should do in this situation? She works out during hours when I'm at work so it's not like I can go to the gym with her but aside from telling her "I'm sorry that happened to you, I hope the gym staff takes care of it appropriately" I just don't know what else to say...

My woman teaches classes at 3 different gym locations. I say the key for her is pack mentality.

Its fine if someone just wants to go, do their workout and leave. But that leaves doors open like you mentioned. Most people follow a schedule. Go during times there are more people and getting to know a few. I doubt such a thing would have been allowed to happen, especially for the duration it likely took.

Took me some time to approach what became my woman due to that factor. Everyone knew her, all liked her and had her back. Nearly unapproachable while on the property. I had to get in good with the crowd first, then ease on in. Like the movie Hero. Had to work up the ladder to get close, then when close, still expecting a fleet of arrows.

Now... My oldest girl goes with a German Shepherd, a can of pepper spray and a booming voice.  Works too.

[Daniel]

1 hour ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said:

Yeah I mean I think she's worried this dude might try something and overreact after getting kicked out of the gym and she won't have time to get a restraining/protective order or something. I mean we're talking about a guy who clearly has zero social awareness and is madly overconfident in himself from my understanding of her story.

Yeah, but you can't take out an OOP on someone who hasn't done anything yet.  The fact that she's worried about it potentially happening just isn't enough.  But on the won't have time thing: if you take out an order of protection, which just involves going to a police station, sheriff's office, or sometimes even a courthouse or administrative building, filling out the request, and as soon as he is served with it, he's under a temporary restraining order, until the case can be put before a judge.  So even in the time between her taking it out and a judge actually granting one, she's still under its protection.

[AFlaccoSeagulls]

23 minutes ago, PARROTHEAD said:

My woman teaches classes at 3 different gym locations. I say the key for her is pack mentality.

Its fine if someone just wants to go, do their workout and leave. But that leaves doors open like you mentioned. Most people follow a schedule. Go during times there are more people and getting to know a few. I doubt such a thing would have been allowed to happen, especially for the duration it likely took.

Took me some time to approach what became my woman due to that factor. Everyone knew her, all liked her and had her back. Nearly unapproachable while on the property. I had to get in good with the crowd first, then ease on in. Like the movie Hero. Had to work up the ladder to get close, then when close, still expecting a fleet of arrows.

Now... My oldest girl goes with a German Shepherd, a can of pepper spray and a booming voice.  Works too.

That's the thing, she also made it a point in her story that "almost everyone there knows me" and she doesn't go to the gym on like a tight schedule but she does go daily, just whenever her schedule allows idk.

I have no idea if she has anyone she knows there or not tbh

1 minute ago, Daniel said:

Yeah, but you can't take out an OOP on someone who hasn't done anything yet.  The fact that she's worried about it potentially happening just isn't enough.  But on the won't have time thing: if you take out an order of protection, which just involves going to a police station, sheriff's office, or sometimes even a courthouse or administrative building, filling out the request, and as soon as he is served with it, he's under a temporary restraining order, until the case can be put before a judge.  So even in the time between her taking it out and a judge actually granting one, she's still under its protection.

Yeah, I think that's pretty much out of the question right now because all I know is this guy is a pretty large D-bag and nothing more or actually threatening.

[Daniel]

Just now, AFlaccoSeagulls said:

Yeah, I think that's pretty much out of the question right now because all I know is this guy is a pretty large D-bag and nothing more or actually threatening.

Then I don't know of any other legal remedies, unfortunately.  Maybe the info will be handy if it goes further, but hopefully nothing more happens.

[PARROTHEAD]

51 minutes ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said:

That's the thing, she also made it a point in her story that "almost everyone there knows me" and she doesn't go to the gym on like a tight schedule but she does go daily, just whenever her schedule allows idk.

I have no idea if she has anyone she knows there or not tbh

 

Sounded pretty extreme. Im shocked that if others were there at the time. That such was allowed to happen.

Personally, Id find a new gym. People know her, know of her, know shes a regular and all else of the place. And they stand around doing nothing while this is noticeable happening. Find someplace else cause those people sound worthless. I wont just fault the guy, Ill fault the whole place.

Gyms should have a community feel. Like youre all on the same team, "this is our house." Situation should not have gotten a fraction as far as that got. And no gym Ive ever attended would it have.

 

Edit: Thats regardless of how the situation with the guy is handled. Id still find a new place.

Edited June 21, 2022 by PARROTHEAD

[AFlaccoSeagulls]

4 minutes ago, PARROTHEAD said:

Sounded pretty extreme. Im shocked that if others were there at the time. That such was allowed to happen.

Personally, Id find a new gym. People know her, know of her, know shes a regular and all else of the place. And they stand around doing nothing while this is noticeable happening. Find someplace else cause those people sound worthless. I wont just fault the guy, Ill fault the whole place.

Gyms should have a community feel. Like youre all on the same team, "this is our house." Situation should not have gotten a fraction as far as that got. And no gym Ive ever attended would it have.

 

Edit: Thats regardless of how the situation with the guy is handled. Id still find a new place.

let me preface this by saying I am personally of the opinion that she's really overselling how much people "know her". I think in the past year since she's grown her online personal training business a little bit and gotten more followers on instagram she suddenly thinks she's a big deal and I think she's getting a little full of herself.

So while I believe she thinks people know her, I don't think anyone actually does, moreover I absolutely think if people did know her like she wants me to believe, they would've stepped in.

I do agree and I will recommend that she changes gyms though. seems to be an easy fix. Although if she's worried about this clown, there's a chance if he gets kicked out he might join another gym where she goes to idk

[ET80]

7 hours ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said:

I don't even understand why you would walk up to a girl at the gym and repeatedly just like fawn over her. Now, she may have embellished the story a little bit but this dude literally facetimed his friend and put her on screen saying how hot she was. I can't imagine what kind of a A-hole would do that and think that's okay.

Moments like this are why we need Joey Swoll.

[OkeyDoke21]

16 hours ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said:

let me preface this by saying I am personally of the opinion that she's really overselling how much people "know her". I think in the past year since she's grown her online personal training business a little bit and gotten more followers on instagram she suddenly thinks she's a big deal and I think she's getting a little full of herself.

So while I believe she thinks people know her, I don't think anyone actually does, moreover I absolutely think if people did know her like she wants me to believe, they would've stepped in.

I do agree and I will recommend that she changes gyms though. seems to be an easy fix. Although if she's worried about this clown, there's a chance if he gets kicked out he might join another gym where she goes to idk

Honestly, without knowing the whole situation, the entire scenario  as written reads a little exaggerated, to me.  Particularly the parts where she is telling her ex fiancé how hot this guy was saying she is, repeatedly lol.     

I don't know how I would handle that.  You want to ensure her safety, but I would not go playing into that whole ordeal, too far.  It sounds like there is some gamesmanship at play there, from her end.  

[minutemancl]

I think it is more likely this guy directs his anger at the gym for banning him than your ex-fiancee for reporting him. If he did this to her that brazenly, he's probably done it to other girls too. Is it easier to get mad at 5 girls you don't know the name of, or the front desk manager at a gym who just told you the bad news personally?

[AFlaccoSeagulls]

1 hour ago, OkeyDoke21 said:

Honestly, without knowing the whole situation, the entire scenario  as written reads a little exaggerated, to me.  Particularly the parts where she is telling her ex fiancé how hot this guy was saying she is, repeatedly lol.     

I don't know how I would handle that.  You want to ensure her safety, but I would not go playing into that whole ordeal, too far.  It sounds like there is some gamesmanship at play there, from her end.  

I'm almost certain she's embellishing the details of what happened, but as far as a guy harassing her and putting her on facetime then giving her his number - I know that happened.

1 hour ago, minutemancl said:

I think it is more likely this guy directs his anger at the gym for banning him than your ex-fiancee for reporting him. If he did this to her that brazenly, he's probably done it to other girls too. Is it easier to get mad at 5 girls you don't know the name of, or the front desk manager at a gym who just told you the bad news personally?

I certainly hope so!

[Karnage84]

14 minutes ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said:

I'm almost certain she's embellishing the details of what happened, but as far as a guy harassing her and putting her on facetime then giving her his number - I know that happened.

I certainly hope so!

Most people tend to go to a gym around their schedule. Occasionally they'd break that schedule due to other conflicts in their life and either a) just not go that day or b) go at a different time/day. Does she go on particular days and/or times on a consistent basis? Does this guy go on a consistent schedule (that she's aware of)?

I'm just catching up here so this may have already been addressed - I believe she's your ex-fiancee. Are you still together despite not being engaged?

[ramssuperbowl99]

On 6/21/2022 at 9:29 AM, AFlaccoSeagulls said:

Sorry if this is the wrong thread, but I didn't know whether to post this in WAYT, Relationship Advice, or here...

Anyways, my ex-fiancee told me last night about how some guy approached her at the gym, started harassing her (just like constantly talking to her and not leaving her alone), then FaceTimed his friend and forced her to be on camera with him telling his buddy how hot she is, then after she refused to give him her number, he gave her his.

She reported the incident to the gym staff afterwards and now she's scared for her safety because they gym might kick him out and then she's afraid he might retaliate/stalk her or do something more serious.

My question is - is there anything I can/should do in this situation? She works out during hours when I'm at work so it's not like I can go to the gym with her but aside from telling her "I'm sorry that happened to you, I hope the gym staff takes care of it appropriately" I just don't know what else to say...

I don't know most of the backstory, but what I remember is you getting engaged, having a house, and splitting up pretty recently. So, starting from there.

Have you spent some time thinking about how her contacting you made you feel? Do you want to be friends with her? Is there a part of you that may view this as an opportunity to reconcile the relationship?

Not trying to sway you in any particular direction, but those are the questions I'd be asking myself if I was in your shoes, and didn't see anyone else go in this direction.

Edited June 22, 2022 by ramssuperbowl99

[AFlaccoSeagulls]

2 hours ago, Karnage84 said:

Most people tend to go to a gym around their schedule. Occasionally they'd break that schedule due to other conflicts in their life and either a) just not go that day or b) go at a different time/day. Does she go on particular days and/or times on a consistent basis? Does this guy go on a consistent schedule (that she's aware of)?

I'm just catching up here so this may have already been addressed - I believe she's your ex-fiancee. Are you still together despite not being engaged?

She goes every day since she's prepping for her 2nd bikini competition which is in like a week, but I don't think she necessarily goes at consistent times as far as I know. I have no idea whether she's even seen this guy before this incident.

And yeah we got engaged like 3 years ago but as of a couple of months ago she called it off and we're still going through the process of splitting up so as of right now we still live together until we can figure out how to separate our assets/finances.

17 minutes ago, ramssuperbowl99 said:

I don't know most of the backstory, but what I remember is you getting engaged, having a house, and splitting up pretty recently. So, starting from there.

Have you spent some time thinking about how her contacting you made you feel? Do you want to be friends with her? Is there a part of you that may view this as an opportunity to reconcile the relationship?

Well she didn't contact me, we still live together so she just told me when she got home. But to answer your questions:

1. Yeah, I've spent some time thinking about like what does she want from me in this situation and how should I act and how much energy should I spend caring about something like this.
2. I'm not sure if i want to be friends with her. I think once we split for good and go our separate ways I won't want to at least for the first several months because for me it'll be hard seeing her with other people and living a life without me.
3. This particular situation? no, not really. She's told me several times that "there's no going back" when I've asked, so I've pretty much come to terms that the relationship is over.

17 minutes ago, ramssuperbowl99 said:

Not trying to sway you in any particular direction, but those are the questions I'd be asking myself if I was in your shoes, and didn't see anyone else go in this direction.

Yeah no those are good questions to ask