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Relationship Advice Thread


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8 minutes ago, vike daddy said:

ooof. that seems like a major problem, one that needs professional care and attention.

Yeahh thats step one. Its wearing on me and I feel guilty because that's not fair to her.

The long and short of it is we've had some issues with several issues pertaining to surgeries and insurances and we are struggling with like a fertility thing to boot so my wife is very upset and rightfully so, she's even deleted social media from her phone because seeing people's pregnancy announcements are legitimately devastating. It's funny because when we got together, we both thought we never wanted a biological child and we were just going to adopt, but something must have changed.

I just feel so awful and helpless, all I want is my wife to be happy and I don't know what I can do for her other than support her, but she doesn't seem to enjoy much of anything anymore.

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20 minutes ago, JoshstraDaymus said:

Yeahh thats step one. Its wearing on me and I feel guilty because that's not fair to her.

The long and short of it is we've had some issues with several issues pertaining to surgeries and insurances and we are struggling with like a fertility thing to boot so my wife is very upset and rightfully so, she's even deleted social media from her phone because seeing people's pregnancy announcements are legitimately devastating. It's funny because when we got together, we both thought we never wanted a biological child and we were just going to adopt, but something must have changed.

I just feel so awful and helpless, all I want is my wife to be happy and I don't know what I can do for her other than support her, but she doesn't seem to enjoy much of anything anymore.

which might make it difficult to be a birth mother too. first, in getting pregnant and not miscarrying, and second in raising the baby if it doesn't go "perfectly."

i feel for you, man, but i'd say she has deeper issues, that she thinks a baby will erase. but getting to their source and reconciling them is the only way to advance.

i wish you guys the best.

 

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4 minutes ago, vike daddy said:

which might make it difficult to be a birth mother too. first, in getting pregnant and not miscarrying, and second in raising the baby if it doesn't go "perfectly."

i feel for you, man, but i'd say she has deeper issues, that she thinks a baby will erase. but getting to their source and reconciling them is the only way to advance.

i wish you guys the best.

 

Oh the deeper issues are mostly medically related, it's things we're both aware of but the thing that kicked the knee from behind is the fact that our insurance screwed us over when we were both supposed to be getting surgeries that help with our respective issues. When the insurance company called her last week, I don't think I've ever seen her look more defeated.

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On 12/16/2022 at 10:45 PM, JoshstraDaymus said:

Has anyone experienced anything with their SO where it feels like nothing brings them joy anymore?

Yes.

On 12/17/2022 at 9:55 AM, JoshstraDaymus said:

Yeahh thats step one. Its wearing on me and I feel guilty because that's not fair to her.

The long and short of it is we've had some issues with several issues pertaining to surgeries and insurances and we are struggling with like a fertility thing to boot so my wife is very upset and rightfully so, she's even deleted social media from her phone because seeing people's pregnancy announcements are legitimately devastating. It's funny because when we got together, we both thought we never wanted a biological child and we were just going to adopt, but something must have changed.

I just feel so awful and helpless, all I want is my wife to be happy and I don't know what I can do for her other than support her, but she doesn't seem to enjoy much of anything anymore.

I would agree with vike daddy, she needs therapy.  Like, that's precisely what therapy is for.  For different reasons, my wife had a similar rough patch last year, and couples therapy really helped.  She said she "can't see a future where she's happy again," which sounds kind of similar to what your wife is saying.

Of course, fertility issues are a whole thing, but some of the biological child thing may be her internal clock running out (assuming yall are roughly may age in your 30s) that's making her shift from adoption, if that's something yall wanted.

But that doesn't really matter, the key is to get some help.  There are all kinds of counseling options available, but couples counseling is great because she's not doing it alone, and it gives you better tools to assist them.  Whatever your insurance covers.

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On 12/17/2022 at 10:55 AM, JoshstraDaymus said:

just feel so awful and helpless, all I want is my wife to be happy and I don't know what I can do for her other than support her, but she doesn't seem to enjoy much of anything anymore.

I would also say therapy could be the best option.. my wife and I went through something similar after our 2nd child was miscarried. She started seeing someone online and it really did help tremendously. I hope everything gets better for you guys.

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  • 1 month later...

Hey guys/gals.  Kind of new here.  I met someone and not sure how to proceed.  This person has a lot of unanswered questions and I suspect he/she has another life.  

 

Me:

Volunteer firemen and short order cook at a diner.  My specialty is hot cakes.  I also have a Harley.  

He/She:

Likes motorcycles and my Johnny cakes.  My name is John and I met him/her at the diner I work at after serving my famous hotcakes.  

 

I introduced this new love interest to the rest of the guys at the firehall.  We all had beers together.  But it seems like this person is holding something back.  I live in a small town and this person just popped out of nowhere and they are staying at a motel.  

 

 

What should I do?

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30 minutes ago, 4for4PhillyFan said:

I introduced this new love interest to the rest of the guys at the firehall.  We all had beers together.  But it seems like this person is holding something back.  I live in a small town and this person just popped out of nowhere and they are staying at a motel.  

 

 

What should I do?

nothing beats being honest and upfront.

"Hey, dude/dudette, I'm intrigued by you and would like to get to know you better and see if we have a thing together. But you're sort of mysterious and I have questions... What's your background?"

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1 minute ago, vike daddy said:

nothing beats being honest and upfront.

"Hey, dude/dudette, I'm intrigued by you and would like to get to know you better and see if we have a thing together. But you're sort of mysterious and I have questions... What's your background?"

It's hard, you know.  I am scared of rejection.  I live in such a small town, there is not many people out there like us and my group of friends.  I don't want to get too close only to find out that  he/she has more secrets in the closet that they have already let out.  Like I know nothing about the family....I understand that there's an uncle that has been looking for my new friend.  Why?  I don't know.  Seems to be some family drama on multiple fronts.  

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4 minutes ago, 4for4PhillyFan said:

It's hard, you know.  I am scared of rejection. 

I live in such a small town, there is not many people out there like us and my group of friends.  I don't want to get too close only to find out that  he/she has more secrets in the closet that they have already let out. 

Like I know nothing about the family....I understand that there's an uncle that has been looking for my new friend.  Why?  I don't know.  Seems to be some family drama on multiple fronts.  

* we are all scared of rejection.

* all the ore reason to get your concerns out early.

* spidey sense is tingling....

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2 hours ago, 4for4PhillyFan said:

It's hard, you know.  I am scared of rejection.  I live in such a small town, there is not many people out there like us and my group of friends.  I don't want to get too close only to find out that  he/she has more secrets in the closet that they have already let out.  Like I know nothing about the family....I understand that there's an uncle that has been looking for my new friend.  Why?  I don't know.  Seems to be some family drama on multiple fronts.  

Is this the plot of Euphoria? 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 months later...

If you all remember my posts from this, I really struggled with a relationship last year.  After doing a summer worth of self-improvement, I met someone in September and we’ve been serious ever since.  Morals, values and beliefs are all compatible, we both want kids, get married soon, etc.  Compared to the last girl, where I didn’t meet anyone in her circle or even talk to them for the three months we were together, I had met my girlfriend’s best friend, and talked to her parents and sister on the phone multiple times within two months, and was attending work functions with her in three.  She met my grandmother within six weeks, met my mom and stepmother in the same time frame as well as my best friend.  Traveled to meet her parents over Christmas, we went through a serious discussion over the winter and she moved in with both of her cats at the end of February.  

She’s continued to push me in my racing adventures, which I thought would just be a one-off as part of the self-improvement mentioned above.  

The girl that I struggled with the previous relationship sent a text this past Saturday basically shooting her shot.  We elected to ignore it unless she attempts contact again.  Part of the refreshing thing is being able to share something like this, and be on the same page.  She had someone who had been calling her from the past and we dealt with that together.  

I am very glad to have a teammate, and thank the guys here who listened and commented on those posts, some of which were deleted (even as a mod, I’m human.)  Really appreciate you guys.  

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On 5/22/2023 at 2:30 PM, naptownskinsfan said:

If you all remember my posts from this, I really struggled with a relationship last year.  After doing a summer worth of self-improvement, I met someone in September and we’ve been serious ever since.  Morals, values and beliefs are all compatible, we both want kids, get married soon, etc.  Compared to the last girl, where I didn’t meet anyone in her circle or even talk to them for the three months we were together, I had met my girlfriend’s best friend, and talked to her parents and sister on the phone multiple times within two months, and was attending work functions with her in three.  She met my grandmother within six weeks, met my mom and stepmother in the same time frame as well as my best friend.  Traveled to meet her parents over Christmas, we went through a serious discussion over the winter and she moved in with both of her cats at the end of February.  

She’s continued to push me in my racing adventures, which I thought would just be a one-off as part of the self-improvement mentioned above.  

The girl that I struggled with the previous relationship sent a text this past Saturday basically shooting her shot.  We elected to ignore it unless she attempts contact again.  Part of the refreshing thing is being able to share something like this, and be on the same page.  She had someone who had been calling her from the past and we dealt with that together.  

I am very glad to have a teammate, and thank the guys here who listened and commented on those posts, some of which were deleted (even as a mod, I’m human.)  Really appreciate you guys.  

Enjoy the honeymoon phase! I look back at that first year with my wife fondly, and yeah- it's refreshing how easy it is to fall in love with someone who fits perfectly in your life. 

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