Jeezla Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 5 hours ago, Danger said: It ain't you guys, it's me. I just don't like talking about my problems, it makes me uncomfortable to talk about how I feel and stuff usually. You think it's unmanly to talk about your problems? I do. That's why I never talk about them. Women talk about problems. Men shut up and work through them. I've become toxically masculine. I don't want to talk about it though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jroc04 Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 7 hours ago, Danger said: It ain't you guys, it's me. I just don't like talking about my problems, it makes me uncomfortable to talk about how I feel and stuff usually. Well, you made the vague post. So maybe somewhere in there you wanted the help. Like when people make those vague FB posts: “Send me prayers, please!” Then everyone floods the comments asking what’s wrong and please get in contact. They wouldn’t do that if they didn’t either want the attention or help. Not saying you wanted attention but maybe something in your subconscious is wanting to talk. I mean, clearly, right? I’m just saying, don’t wait to get help. People that generally care won’t see it as weakness. I need to take my own advice at times as I only burden myself with issues but I know that takes a toll. But on the flip side, I like to help. I take it serious when people come to me with problems and want advice or help. When people open up and get vulnerable it’s not something to make fun of or take lightly. Sometimes it’s the only attempt people will make. Not healthy to keep it all in. Sometimes you just need the reassurance or arguments side to understand the angles. No one has it all figured out. Take it easy on yourself. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRealMcCoy Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 8 hours ago, Danger said: It ain't you guys, it's me. I just don't like talking about my problems, it makes me uncomfortable to talk about how I feel and stuff usually. I understand that feeling, cause as someone with depression I've tried going off antidepressants and not talking to people just keeping it to myself, but I've realized recently just how theraputeic it can be to talk to someone about stuff that is bothering you. I still haven't took the step to see a therapist, but I've been more open with family and some friends. It's helped me for sure to just talk out things. You sometimes learn a lot just by saying stuff out loud about your problems. Try it sometime with people you trust whether its someone on here like@Jroc04 or friends/family. Shouldn't have to just shoulder the burden all by yourself. Love ya man. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danger Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 16 hours ago, TheRealMcCoy said: I understand that feeling, cause as someone with depression I've tried going off antidepressants and not talking to people just keeping it to myself, but I've realized recently just how theraputeic it can be to talk to someone about stuff that is bothering you. I still haven't took the step to see a therapist, but I've been more open with family and some friends. It's helped me for sure to just talk out things. You sometimes learn a lot just by saying stuff out loud about your problems. Try it sometime with people you trust whether its someone on here like@Jroc04 or friends/family. Shouldn't have to just shoulder the burden all by yourself. Love ya man. A lot of the time for me it's just that it's more like actually confronting my problems. It's just easier for it to be out of sight out of mind most of the time. I've had mild sustained depression in the past, but not anything intensely clinical like you've dealt with. In this case it was just so overwhelming, it slipped out ever so slightly. In short, I don't always want to hear the hard things to hear about it. That in mind. She's Dutch and she's visiting for 6 weeks starting in a month, so the whole distance thing made it just that much more difficult for me. I voice and/or video call her basically every day since she got her diagnosis. Also the issue was compounded by texts overseas between Android/iPhone being very unreliable to reach the other party, there was a lot of confusion for both of us while that was going on. We've since switched to WhatsApp and that's helped immensely. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRealMcCoy Posted June 15, 2022 Share Posted June 15, 2022 21 hours ago, Danger said: A lot of the time for me it's just that it's more like actually confronting my problems. It's just easier for it to be out of sight out of mind most of the time. I can relate to that too. I was using weed (I was high basically every single second of the day) as an escape instead of actually getting back on antidepressants and start addressing stuff I needed to work on in my life. I'm doing a lot better now since I've been on the antidepressants an extended period and talking about stuff that is bothering me more with people who I know will listen. I was like 233 lbs in late March last time I saw the doctor and I'm like 213 now. Slowly making progress in all the areas I want to. 21 hours ago, Danger said: I've had mild sustained depression in the past, but not anything intensely clinical like you've dealt with. Honestly I'm a pretty optimistic / glass half-full type of person as you can probably tell just based on my Eagles takes. I really had no reason to be depressed growing up with two loving parents, but it just runs in my family on my moms side unfortunately. My mom has it as does my sister who has a different dad. 22 hours ago, Danger said: In this case it was just so overwhelming, it slipped out ever so slightly. In short, I don't always want to hear the hard things to hear about it. With that said, depression isn't just genetic and can be brought on by hard life experiences obviously. I know my close friend when he lost his mom like 5+ years ago now was in a really dark place for like at least 2-3 years. I barely talked to him despite him living with me. I wish he had talked to somebody though, cause I felt like he was just bottling it up like you are and prolonging the pain by going through it by himself. I feel like facing your problems/fears head on seems like the harder thing to do, but once you do it you are almost always better off for having done it. 22 hours ago, Danger said: That in mind. She's Dutch and she's visiting for 6 weeks starting in a month, so the whole distance thing made it just that much more difficult for me. I voice and/or video call her basically every day since she got her diagnosis. Also the issue was compounded by texts overseas between Android/iPhone being very unreliable to reach the other party, there was a lot of confusion for both of us while that was going on. We've since switched to WhatsApp and that's helped immensely. Very interesting. Yeah, WhatsApp is great for people in different countries. Chinese kids going to school out here use it to communicate with their family back home. I have two online friends (both from Tumblr from way back when I was like 18-21 years old). One of them is from South Jersey and went to Villanova. Big Eagles/Sixers/Phillies fan. He kept in touch with this Asian girl after he left Tumblr and they talked constantly, FaceTimed, etc. She was going to school in London I believe, but lived in Taiwan. He's been out to Taiwan to visit her a few times and they've been "together" for years. Eventually I think she's going to move to the US soon. Another friend from Tumblr is dating someone from Australia. Not sure how they got in contact with them, but they just recently went to visit them and it went well. I also have another friend from Tumblr that I haven't talked to in years now, but she is still with the guy she met on that site who is from New Zealand. They have been together for over half a decade now. As you can tell by her words they are separated for the time being again, but the distance is well worth it to them. I say if you love her or your feelings for each other are that strong, then you should try and keep it going, but only you will know that. Hope we can get more updates on how things are going over time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiltman Posted June 15, 2022 Share Posted June 15, 2022 22 hours ago, Danger said: A lot of the time for me it's just that it's more like actually confronting my problems. It's just easier for it to be out of sight out of mind most of the time. I've had mild sustained depression in the past, but not anything intensely clinical like you've dealt with. In this case it was just so overwhelming, it slipped out ever so slightly. In short, I don't always want to hear the hard things to hear about it. Yeah compartmentalizing or sweeping that stuff to the back can be so easy to always do. The last couple years I’ve tried to dismantle that array of easy coping methods that have been in place for like two decades. Sounds like you found ways to also put it to the back or brush off the seriousness of it. It’s hard to really break that and be ok feeling those feeling and sharing that. It super scary too as a spouse/SO when stuff happens like this. You are forced into being strong and helping but it can be exhausting while you yourself are freaked out but having to hold it in even more. And you have no one to really talk about it to. Was in that situation with my fiancée’s clotting issues we found this year. Freaked me the hell out. 23 hours ago, Danger said: That in mind. She's Dutch and she's visiting for 6 weeks starting in a month, so the whole distance thing made it just that much more difficult for me. I voice and/or video call her basically every day since she got her diagnosis. Also the issue was compounded by texts overseas between Android/iPhone being very unreliable to reach the other party, there was a lot of confusion for both of us while that was going on. We've since switched to WhatsApp and that's helped immensely. That’s tough, dealing with a serious health issue that way. Not having just a way to silently support them and having to vocalize everything seems way more stressful. Adds to the powerlessness I’d imagine. Glad you guys found something better to use, WhatsApp seems to be the best at that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRealMcCoy Posted June 16, 2022 Share Posted June 16, 2022 10 hours ago, Kiltman said: Yeah compartmentalizing or sweeping that stuff to the back can be so easy to always do. The last couple years I’ve tried to dismantle that array of easy coping methods that have been in place for like two decades. Sounds like you found ways to also put it to the back or brush off the seriousness of it. It’s hard to really break that and be ok feeling those feeling and sharing that. It super scary too as a spouse/SO when stuff happens like this. You are forced into being strong and helping but it can be exhausting while you yourself are freaked out but having to hold it in even more. And you have no one to really talk about it to. Was in that situation with my fiancée’s clotting issues we found this year. Freaked me the hell out. That’s tough, dealing with a serious health issue that way. Not having just a way to silently support them and having to vocalize everything seems way more stressful. Adds to the powerlessness I’d imagine. Glad you guys found something better to use, WhatsApp seems to be the best at that. Well said and oof… I missed the part about the diagnosis. Hope everything is going well with that. 🙏🏻 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiltman Posted June 16, 2022 Share Posted June 16, 2022 41 minutes ago, TheRealMcCoy said: Well said and oof… I missed the part about the diagnosis. Hope everything is going well with that. 🙏🏻 Thanks. It’s stabilized with thinners, but some major red flags long term with certain stuff. Had to change/cancel things, potentially takes having kids off the table (something she was way more keen on than me, I go back and forth, but feel awful regardless of that for her). That’s the kinda stuff I was talking about with danger, those reverberations from a spouse going through stuff also affects you… but it’s hard to vocalize that at all without sounding self centered. Just been a weird year, I was operating at past max capacity for a 2.5/3 months and it just burned me out hard. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRealMcCoy Posted June 16, 2022 Share Posted June 16, 2022 (edited) 14 hours ago, Kiltman said: Thanks. It’s stabilized with thinners, but some major red flags long term with certain stuff. Had to change/cancel things, potentially takes having kids off the table (something she was way more keen on than me, I go back and forth, but feel awful regardless of that for her). That’s the kinda stuff I was talking about with danger, those reverberations from a spouse going through stuff also affects you… but it’s hard to vocalize that at all without sounding self centered. Just been a weird year, I was operating at past max capacity for a 2.5/3 months and it just burned me out hard. Yeah, agreed on the bolded and I hope things get better for Danger's significant other and he finds someone to talk to. But, I'm glad to hear things are better now with you and yours. That is unfortunate about not being able to have at least one kid. Is it completely off the table? I'm guessing it would be dangerous for her to do so. I guess adoption is always an option if you guys are into that. Lots of kids that need good homes out there. Edited June 16, 2022 by TheRealMcCoy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danger Posted June 17, 2022 Share Posted June 17, 2022 4 hours ago, TheRealMcCoy said: Yeah, agreed on the bolded and I hope things get better for Danger's significant other and he finds someone to talk to. But, I'm glad to hear things are better now with you and yours. That is unfortunate about not being able to have at least one kid. Is it completely off the table? I'm guessing it would be dangerous for her to do so. I guess adoption is always an option if you guys are into that. Lots of kids that need good homes out there. I talked with her more in depth about it today, apparently her doctor was just super paranoid with the initial impressions. Started tossing around words like cancer way too quickly. It turns out to be a bacterial infection in the intestinal lining and she was unable to keep solid food down for like 2 weeks so the wasn't able to really take the antibiotics for a good amount of time. She has IBS so it's something that will have to have an eye on for basically her whole life. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiltman Posted June 17, 2022 Share Posted June 17, 2022 7 hours ago, TheRealMcCoy said: Yeah, agreed on the bolded and I hope things get better for Danger's significant other and he finds someone to talk to. But, I'm glad to hear things are better now with you and yours. That is unfortunate about not being able to have at least one kid. Is it completely off the table? I'm guessing it would be dangerous for her to do so. I guess adoption is always an option if you guys are into that. Lots of kids that need good homes out there. Not completely but yeah would be tough, would definitely have to monitor. Maybe just go surrogate. Adoption is nice because it takes some of the time element out of things a bit. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRealMcCoy Posted June 17, 2022 Share Posted June 17, 2022 2 hours ago, Danger said: I talked with her more in depth about it today, apparently her doctor was just super paranoid with the initial impressions. Started tossing around words like cancer way too quickly. It turns out to be a bacterial infection in the intestinal lining and she was unable to keep solid food down for like 2 weeks so the wasn't able to really take the antibiotics for a good amount of time. She has IBS so it's something that will have to have an eye on for basically her whole life. Aye I'm glad to hear its something manageable!!! Cancer sucks. 30 minutes ago, Kiltman said: Not completely but yeah would be tough, would definitely have to monitor. Maybe just go surrogate. Adoption is nice because it takes some of the time element out of things a bit. Gotcha. Yeah, I figured it was more risky for her than the baby. Obviously a surrogate can be expensive, but if its just 1 kid and she really wants one of your own, then I think that makes a lot of sense. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danger Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 How's the lad @MKnight82? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MKnight82 Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 1 minute ago, Danger said: How's the lad @MKnight82? You want him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danger Posted June 30, 2022 Share Posted June 30, 2022 Just now, MKnight82 said: You want him? I didn't say THAT now. Just wondering how he is. LOL Last we spoke of him (some time ago) he was sick and stuff. Also just wanted to talk with you, it's been a good bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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