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Chad Brinkowitz


Ty21

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  • 2 weeks later...

The coaches have lost control. No matter what play they call, Brinkowitz audibles to a QB draw. They have no power. They asked Brinkowitz to sit out the next game. Brinkowitz said no. They told him he was cut. Brinkowitz said no. The coaches have no idea what to do. The special teams coach has already committed seppuku. The training facility is on fire. 

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Chad Brinkowitz’ dad abandoned Chad immediately after conception because he knew Chad would be a ******, but he didn’t leave before instilling one piece of advice to him. “When you golf, keep your shoulders in tight like you’re in a barrel.” To this day, Chad still does everything like he is a barrel. 

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Marshawn Brinks

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Absolutely lethal moment by Chad here running in for the TD. When asked about it later he said he just wanted to know what the “all hands on ****” sign was

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It looks like an all out nickel blitz here, but Chad knows it’s not really a blitz. Just like sleeping with girls, he always knows when someone is faking it. With girls, it’s never. 

Giants 24 Bucs 21

The end result might’ve been different. On the last second of the first half, Brink was facemasked which gave them 15 yards right into field position and a free play. But chad waved off the kicker and told him to go **** himself so he could have one more qb draw: a glorious six yard run. 

 

Stats on stats:

Passing leaders:

Eli Manning 15-16 198 yards 2 td 0 int

Chad Brinkowitz 0-0 0 yards 0 td 0 int

Rushing leaders 

Chad Brinkowitz 53 car 292 yds 5.5 ypc 3 td 22 lg

Saquon Barkley 10 car 36 yds 3.6 ypc 1 td 7 lg

Receiving leaders

Darius Slayton 4 rec 83 yds 20.7 ypc 1 td 45 lg

Rod Tidwell 0 rec 0 yds 0 ypc 0 td 0 lg

Giants D: 10 tfl

 

-NFL top three rushing leaders-

Chad Brinkowitz 134 car 696 yds 5.2 ypc 4 td 232.0 ypg 32 btk 24 lg

Ezekiel Elliot 59 car 444 yds 7.5 ypc 4 td 148.0 ypg 12 btk 67 lg

Christian McCaffrey 57 car 315 yds 5.5 ypc 2 td 105.0 ypg 21 btk 11 lg

The Bucs sit at 0-3

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 Aaron Donald crashes Brinkowsitx party and Chad just doesn’t even know what to say

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Brink throws down a feminine character, a move he learned watching his endless line of stepdads in his childhood doing to his mother 

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A very hungry Dante Fowler eats a power elbow. First time he’s been able to eat since getting drafted by the Jaguars 

The Bucs weren’t able to get anything going thanks to the omnipresent Norm MacDonald stuffing holes. Todd Gurley had a game though. Haven’t seen him run that fast since Walgreens had a sale on arthritis topical cream 

Rams 22 Bucs 0

Stats

passing leaders

Jared Goff 10-19 97 yds 0 td 1 int 16 lg

Chad Brinkowitz 0-0 0 yds 0 td 0 int 0 lg

rushing leaders 

Brink 45 car 202 yds 4.4 avg 1 td 16 lg

Todd Gurley 14 car 207 yds 14.7 avg 2 td 75 lg

Receiving leaders 

Gerald Everett 4 cat 39 yds 9.7 avg 0 td 14 lg

Virginia McCaskey 0 cat 0 yds 0 avg 0 td 0 lg

Season rushing stats:

179 car 898 yds 5.0 avg 5 td 224.5 ypg 45 btk 24 lg

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The head coach pulled Chad aside and grilled him for “having poor accuracy” which is a curious complaint considering he hasn’t thrown a ball yet. Chad told the coach it was the linemen’s fault so the coach kissed his cheek and told him to carry on. The screams of 5 linemen were audible later on in the night. 

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Chad’s favorite move is the same one he uses in roofie night clubs: launching his body junk first at an unsuspecting human 

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Chad Brinkowitz, fully prepared to go knock Drew Brees goofy moleface to the ground, gets restrained by a few concerned Saints. 

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Chad hits the jackpot on a scramble, finding a hole more gaping than his mom after spending time with a few of Chad’s friends’ dads at his birthday party 

Saints 17 Bucs 0

Stats

passing leaders

drew Bree’s 157.1 (how?) 13-15 183 yds 2 td 0 int 72 lg

Chad Brinkowitz 0-0 0 yds 0 td 0 int 0 lg

Rushing leaders

Brink 37 car 114 yds 3.0 ypc 0 td 24 lg

Alvin Kamara 14 car 58 yds 4.1 avg 0 td 9 lg

receiving leaders 

Mike Thomas 3 cat 83 yds 27.6 lg 1 td 72 lg

Mrs. Brinkowitz 0 cat 0 yds 0 avg td 0 lg

12 tfl 

 

216 car 1012 yds 4.7 avg 5 td 50 btk 24 lg 202.4 ypg

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SPOBHt8.mp4

showing off that elite Tom Brady speed 

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Chad was promised a piggyback ride by the great Luke Keuchly but as you can see it failed. Chad has had it up to here with Luke Keuchly

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Chad Brinkowitz has ordered the Panthers to trade away Luke Keuchly 

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Brinkowitz is absolutely mortified by the size of Brian Burns’ junk 

Panthers 10 Bucs 0

Chad had a miserable week. First he got audited for tax fraud and then gets smashing by anyone and everyone on the Panthers defense. And then to make matters worse, after losing in embarrassing fashion to the Panthers, Panther Brian Burns refused to reveal the secret to his junk size. 

Staties 

passing leaders

Kyle Allen 6-11 62 yds 0 td 0 int 20 lg

Chad Brink 0-0 0 yds 0 td 0 int 0 lg

Rushing leaders

Chad Brink 40 car 124 yds 3.1 ypc 0 td 17 lg

Christian McCaffrey 21 car 76 yds 3.6 ypc 1 td 10 lg

Receiving leaders

DJ Moore 3 cat 26 yds 9.3 ypc 0 td 20 lg

Brian Burns 0 cat 0 yds 0 ypc 0 td 0 lg

Panthers defense: 11 tfl 3 ff 

Brink season rushing stats

256 car 1136 yds 4.4 ypc 5 td 189.3 ypg 24 lg

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Titans 16 Bucs 10

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Chad feels emo for a bit then gets over it after his mentor enables him to blame his linemen again

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In a move to create equality in the nfl workplace, the Bucs hired a woman as their offensive coordinator. Her first action as offensive coordinator was to teach the players confrontation isn’t the answer: it’s best to run away from your bullies and tell an adult on them, which is exactly what Chad is doing here beelining for the sideline 

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Chad’s lineman just completely blows off the approaching safety he was supposed to block, probably cause Chad keeps throwing him under the bus whenever fingers start getting pointed 

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The second place finisher in hide and seek is Chad Brinkowitz (first place being the Chicago Bears from the playoffs)

Stats

passing leaders 

Ryan Tannehill 10-16 141 yds 2 td 0 int 81 lg

Brink 0-0 0 yds 0 td 0 int 0 lg

rushing leaders 

Brink 47 car 216 yds 4.5 ypc 1 td 22 lg

Derrick Henry 12 car 37 yds 3.0 ypc 0 td 8 lg

Receiving leaders

Delanie Walker 4 cat 34 yds 8.5 ypc 0 td 13 lg

Tyty’s kids 0 cat 0 yds 0 ypc 0 td 0 lg

Titans: 19 tfl

 

Brinkies season stats 

303 car 1352 yds 4.5 ypc 6 td 193.1 ypg 24 lg

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3 hours ago, scar988 said:

This dude looks like a very anti-semitic caricature. Sorry. But that's what I see. And I don't like it.

It’s not a Tyty thread if someone doesn’t randomly call me a racist out of nowhere 

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