Ty21 Posted April 30, 2020 Share Posted April 30, 2020 (edited) ”Ssssssss” hissed Matt Lafleur. “It is time, my son,” said the devil. “SsssSsssS” hissed Matt Lafleur, understanding what he had to do. It’s 2020. Who would’ve thought the greatest evil facing mankind wasn’t the coronavirus that had killed hundreds of thousands, but the arrival of the devils son to decimate the packers perennially subpar team. “Sssss” said Matt LaFleur which roughly translates to “I have no intention of keeping Bryan Bulaga, who has protected Aaron Rodgers dutifully for years” ”But Matt! Who’s going to protect Aaron Rodgers!” Said a manic reporter, sweating more than a penitent Christian man in a whore house. “Sssssssss!” said Lafleur with a spark in his eye that seemed to say “Aaron Rodgers can go **** himself I have my own ideas in mind! He thinks he owns the team? No I do! In the first round he expects me to get him some help? No! I’m gonna take his daddy.” ”whatever they do, I hope they don’t draft someone I’ll have to compete with. I just don’t know what I’d do under pressure.” Said Aaron Rodgers crying while Danika Patrick sucked his thumbs. The Packers cut inflamed quarterback Aaron Rodgers shortly after to ensure he wouldn’t have to compete with anyone. Aaron Rodgers didn’t have to wait long, picked up by Washington on a smart one year “prove it” deal for $80m. The Packers then traded their first, fourth, and Alex Jones to Miami for the 26th pick to ensure they were in a proper position to draft a qb no one was going to take. With the 26th pick the Packers selected quarterback Jordan Love. Packers fans stood arm in arm, hand in hand, tears streaming from their face as they rejoiced, “we finally have a quarterback that won’t make Rodger’s mistakes” they chanted about a quarterback that threw 17 interceptions last season in college against college football teams. In the second round, they took Boston College fatty AJ Dillon, a 6th round prospect in my game. “He’s the greatest, he’s the second coming of Ahman Green!” chanted obnoxious packers fans who would want the man dead in a few months after the packers lose their first game. The packers wrapped it up with tight end Josiah Deguara, who packers fans feel is everything Gronk wished Gronk could’ve been. And so the 2021 season is upon us. Your 2021 Green Bay Packers Edited April 30, 2020 by Tyty 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ty21 Posted April 30, 2020 Author Share Posted April 30, 2020 Mid season stats: AFC North Steelers 5-2 AFC South Texans 4-3 AFC East Bills 6-1 AFC West Chiefs 4-3 NFC North Bears 6-1 NFC South Panthers 5-2 NFC East Redskins 6-1 NFC West Seahawks 5-2 The Packers, despite super intelligent offseason moves, sit at 1-5-1. Weirdly enough, the bears have figured their stuff out for the first time ever and sit atop the division. Aaron Rodgers has somehow led the redskins to the top of their division as well Passing Leaders: Matt Ryan 2235 yards 15 td 12 int Lamar Jackson 2133 yards 18 td 6 int Tom Brady 2088 yards 17 td 3 int Justin Herbert (Jets lol) 2065 yards 12 td 8 int Drew Brees 2007 yards 16 td 3 int Mitch Trubisky 1986 yards 20 td 4 int Jordan Love 1612 yards 9 td 7 int Rushing leaders: Josh Jacobs 695 yards 4.5 ypc 5 td Ezekiel Elliot 661 yards 5.0 ypc 3 td Derrius Guice 636 yards 4.5 ypc 6 td Joe Mixon 609 yards 5.5 ypc 4 td Saquon Barkley 603 yards 4.2 ypc 3 td AJ Dillon 202 yards 2.6 ypc 2 td Receiving leaders: Marquise Brown 637 yards 13.6 avg 3 td Michael Thomas 598 yards 13.6 avg 5 td DeAndre Hopkins 546 yards 12.1 avg 5 td Emmanuel Sanders (Giants) 516 yards 12.3 avg 3 td Chris Moore 515 yards 21.4 avg 5 td Tackle Leader: Isaiah Simmons (Chargers) 72 Sack Leader: Khalil Mack 8 Interception Leader: Justin Coleman 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ty21 Posted April 30, 2020 Author Share Posted April 30, 2020 In a shocking turn, the packers did not make the playoffs as every Packer fan thought they would after upgrading their qb. They finished equal to the Titans, Raiders, Giants, and Eagles with 5 wins but the Ravens of all teams won the worst team trophy with four wins. Did Lamar Jackson die? The Bears ended the season with the #1 team somehow which if I’m being honest I don’t mind seeing. The Bills and Panthers both met them with 12 wins. Ties are also running rampant in this franchise which makes sense cause this is made by a dude named Tyty okay now let’s get to stats stats stats man wtf Lamar Jackson actually had a good season how tf were they the worst lol Jordan Love 3628 yards 20 td 12 int aka super respectable wtf AJ Dillon 184 carries 481 yards 2.6 ypc 4 td that’s more like it! Davante Adams 857 yards 5 td which is funny cause all the fans head of heels for him would be calling for him to be cut now The entire packers defense had 3 interceptions 😂 Top fives: Pass Yards Drew Brees 👑 4661 yards 39 td 11 int Baker Mayfield 4494 yards 29 td 20 int Tom Brady 4413 yards 34 td 10 int Mitch Trubisky lol 4346 yards 39 td 11 int Josh Allen 4192 yards 30 td 4 int Rush yards Derrius Guice 👑 1475 yards 4.9 ypc 12 td Ezekiel Elliot 1464 yards 5.1 ypc 9 td Joe Mixon 1441 yards 5.3 ypc 10 td Christian McCaffrey 1421 yards 5.0 ypc 10 td LeVeon Bell 1294 yards 5.1 ypc 13 td 13 1000 yard rushers Receiving Yards John Brown 1165 yds 12.3 ypc 4 td Taylor Gabriel lmao 1143 yds 13.8 ypc 13 td Jarvis Landry 1137 yds 11.6 ypc 9 td DeAndre Hopkins 1079 yds 12.7 ypc 11 td Michael Thomas 1075 yds 11.3 ypc 8 td Interesting: 10 1000 yard receiving, Patriots’ Adam Trautman was 12 yards from 1k lol Sack Leader: Leonard Floyd 👑 lol 14.0 Interception Leader: Jabrill Peppers, Marcus Maye, Justin Coleman 5 Top Rookies: QB Jake Fromm (Chargers) 3881 yds 35 td 15 int RB AJ Dillon 481 yds 2.6 ypc 4 td lol WR Devin Duvernay (Colts) 911 yds 14.5 ypc 7 td TE Adam Trautman (Patriots) 988 yds 10.5 ypc 6 td this is the most Bill Belichick usage of a player ever 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ty21 Posted April 30, 2020 Author Share Posted April 30, 2020 Mitch Trubisky won MVP as the bears made the Super Bowl against the Chiefs. Huh. I guess all it takes is nuking the packers. Hope Trubisky flashes a 2 to Mahomes in reference to Mahomes counting to 10 like a bully. Drumroll.... The Chiefs won what an idiot 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ty21 Posted April 30, 2020 Author Share Posted April 30, 2020 (edited) The Packers opted to let Bakhtiari, Kenny Clark, Corey linsley, and Jamaal Williams walk. Packers fans rejoiced at the front office’s ingenuity in letting players walk that would cost money because they knew the packers would draft far superior upgrades in the draft for less money. The Packers offered free agent Mitch Trubisky a maximum deal to try to pilfer him and get their first good QB since Favre, or maybe Bart Starr but Trubisky said no. Well, he wanted to say yes but his answer got intercepted and he hurt his shoulder. The Redskins, meanwhile, are on the hook with Aaron Rodgers on another 1 year prove it deal of $133.85M with a $164M signing bonus. After his first year prove it deal with $80M in which he passed for a measly 3443 yards 25 td and 11 int, they threw more money at him in hopes that he would play better for more money. Bro how do the redskins have $10m in cap room after being on the hook for hundreds of millions to Rodgers My favorite part about the entire offseason is the Los Angeles Chargers moved again to Sacramento and changed their name to the Condors lol. The Chargers were cursed anyway. Top 10 free agent changes: David Bahktiari 95 ovr Sacramento Condors TJ Watt 91 ovr Miami Dolphins Kenny Clark 90 ovr Miami Dolphins Joe Mixon 90 ovr New England Patriots Austin Hooper 90 ovr Pittsburgh Steelers Kareem Hunt 89 ovr Buffalo Bills Keanu Neal 86 ovr Miami Dolphins Devin McCourtney 86 ovr Miami Dolphins Samson Ebukam 83 ovr Indianapolis Colts Dante Fowler 83 ovr Pittsburgh Steelers holy **** Dolphins -NFL Draft- Eagles take WR Sammy Cunningham 74 ovr Giants take RE Zion Sampson 75 ovr Raiders take CB Demarco Cowart 78 ovr Titans take LOLB Harvey Silver 73 ovr Ravens take another WR named Marquise WR Marquise Woodard 76 ovr Packers take MLB Erik Hagler 57 ovr Hagler was the 455th ranked player in the draft but Packers fans think they got a real steal here, despite never having heard of prospect. Standing 6’0 197 lbs this seems like a truly intriguing prospect In the second round, the Packers selected FB Marvin Boss out of Ole Miss. he is 67 ovr. Packers fans rejoiced, noting how many times a fullback has been incredibly useful for their team. The fans, of course, ignored the fact that he was by far the lowest ranked fullback because after all the front office knows best. The Packers then traded their 3rd, 4th and 5th round pick for Chicago’s next year’s 7th round pick which the fans adored, as it meant the team was investing in the future. The Packers then unloaded Devante Adams to Chicago in exchange for Taylor Gabriel, as Gabriel was a top performing statistical wide receiver last season and Adams did nothing. In the 6th round, with their last pick the packers took QB Stewart Brown. They didn’t want him or need him, but just wanted to show Aaron Rodgers just how much they’ve moved on. “Ssssssssss” said Lafleur, which roughly translates to “qbs are a dime a dozen. You can draft one after the draft ends if you want. They’re all the same.” Edited April 30, 2020 by Tyty 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malfatron Posted April 30, 2020 Share Posted April 30, 2020 3 hours ago, Tyty said: In a shocking turn, the packers did not make the playoffs as every Packer fan thought they would after upgrading their qb. See you in 3 years Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malfatron Posted April 30, 2020 Share Posted April 30, 2020 2 hours ago, Tyty said: The Packers opted to let Bakhtiari, Kenny Clark, Corey linsley, and Jamaal Williams walk. Packers fans rejoiced at the front office’s ingenuity in letting players walk that would cost money because they knew the packers would draft far superior upgrades in the draft for less money. The Packers offered free agent Mitch Trubisky a maximum deal to try to pilfer him and get their first good QB since Favre, or maybe Bart Starr but Trubisky said no. Well, he wanted to say yes but his answer got intercepted and he hurt his shoulder. The Redskins, meanwhile, are on the hook with Aaron Rodgers on another 1 year prove it deal of $133.85M with a $164M signing bonus. After his first year prove it deal with $80M in which he passed for a measly 3443 yards 25 td and 11 int, they threw more money at him in hopes that he would play better for more money. Bro how do the redskins have $10m in cap room after being on the hook for hundreds of millions to Rodgers My favorite part about the entire offseason is the Los Angeles Chargers moved again to Sacramento and changed their name to the Condors lol. The Chargers were cursed anyway. Top 10 free agent changes: David Bahktiari 95 ovr Sacramento Condors TJ Watt 91 ovr Miami Dolphins Kenny Clark 90 ovr Miami Dolphins Joe Mixon 90 ovr New England Patriots Austin Hooper 90 ovr Pittsburgh Steelers Kareem Hunt 89 ovr Buffalo Bills Keanu Neal 86 ovr Miami Dolphins Devin McCourtney 86 ovr Miami Dolphins Samson Ebukam 83 ovr Indianapolis Colts Dante Fowler 83 ovr Pittsburgh Steelers holy **** Dolphins -NFL Draft- Eagles take WR Sammy Cunningham 74 ovr Giants take RE Zion Sampson 75 ovr Raiders take CB Demarco Cowart 78 ovr Titans take LOLB Harvey Silver 73 ovr Ravens take another WR named Marquise WR Marquise Woodard 76 ovr Packers take MLB Erik Hagler 57 ovr Hagler was the 455th ranked player in the draft but Packers fans think they got a real steal here, despite never having heard of prospect. Standing 6’0 197 lbs this seems like a truly intriguing prospect In the second round, the Packers selected FB Marvin Boss out of Ole Miss. he is 67 ovr. Packers fans rejoiced, noting how many times a fullback has been incredibly useful for their team. The fans, of course, ignored the fact that he was by far the lowest ranked fullback because after all the front office knows best. The Packers then traded their 3rd, 4th and 5th round pick for Chicago’s next year’s 7th round pick which the fans adored, as it meant the team was investing in the future. The Packers then unloaded Devante Adams to Chicago in exchange for Taylor Gabriel, as Gabriel was a top performing statistical wide receiver last season and Adams did nothing. In the 6th round, with their last pick the packers took QB Stewart Brown. They didn’t want him or need him, but just wanted to show Aaron Rodgers just how much they’ve moved on. “Ssssssssss” said Lafleur, which roughly translates to “qbs are a dime a dozen. You can draft one after the draft ends if you want. They’re all the same.” I like the moves Packers get points for boldness 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ty21 Posted May 1, 2020 Author Share Posted May 1, 2020 1 hour ago, Malfatron said: See you in 3 years Omg you’re visiting me?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malfatron Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 10 minutes ago, Tyty said: Omg you’re visiting me?? when the packers make the SB, lets watch it together com vs com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ty21 Posted May 1, 2020 Author Share Posted May 1, 2020 1 minute ago, Malfatron said: when the packers make the SB, lets watch it together com vs com My doctor said I can only expect to live 52 more years though 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ty21 Posted May 1, 2020 Author Share Posted May 1, 2020 (edited) AFC Division Leaders: Browns 12-4, Texans 9-6-1, Patriots 13-3, Chiefs 7-9 NFC Division Leaders: Bears 10-6, Falcons 9-5-2, Cowboys 12-3-1, Rams 11-5 NFL’s 3 worst teams: Packers 2-14, Saints 3-13, Lions 3-12-1 Packers season stats Jordan Love 40 yards 0 td 0 int AJ Dillon 507 yards 3.1 ypc 4 td Taylor Gabriel 825 yards 13.3 ypc 2 td Passing Leaders: Baker Mayfield 4593 yards 35 td 7 int Patrick Mahomes 4542 yards 31 td 11 int Mitch Trubisky 4485 yards 37 td 9 int Deshaun Watson 4441 yards 38 td 9 int Ryan Tannehill 4403 yards 35 td 8 int Rushing Leaders: Ezekiel Elliot 1626 yards 5.1 ypc 18 td Nick Chubb 1525 yards 6.1 ypc 15 td Christian McCaffrey 1517 yards 5.3 ypc 11 td Todd Gurley 1308 yards 4.5 ypc 8 td Alvin Kamara (Bears) 1265 yards 5.2 ypc 11 td 18 1000 yard rushers Receiving Leaders: Albert Wilson (Titans) 1388 yards 16.9 ypc 9 td Davante Adams (Bears) 1353 yards 15.4 ypc 10 td Cole Beasley 1212 yards 13.5 ypc 8 td Mike Evans 1186 yards 13.5 ypc 8 td Julio Jones 1164 yards 12.7 ypc 11 td 16 1k receiver’s Sack King: Aaron Donald 👑 18.0 Interception Queen: Jaylon Smith, Briean Boddy-Calhoun, Demario Davis, Quinton Dunbar, Fred Warner, Jaquiski Tartt, Adoree Jackson 4 Seahawks Won Super Bowl over Chiefs 24-21 Aaron Rodgers had another okay season with Washington with 3835 yards 33 td and 14 int. 71% completion. Age doesn’t seem to be slowing him down at all. Edited May 1, 2020 by Tyty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ty21 Posted May 1, 2020 Author Share Posted May 1, 2020 With $103M in cap room after letting everyone walk that was up for an extension, Lafleur felt pretty comfortable going into free agency. His grandma, the devils mom, had urged him in his youth to be stingy with his money so he decided to just keep the money in his savings account until an uproar by Packers fans told him he should be active. The Packers offered ten players fully guaranteed contracts: FB Patrick Ricard 1 year $10M FB Brady Ross 1 year $10M FB Alex Armah Jr 1 year $10M FB Nick Bawden 1 year $10M FB Cethan Carter 1 year $10M FB Jakob Johnson 1 year $10M FB Danny Vitale 1 year $10M FB Spencer Brown 1 year $10M FB Algernon Brown 1 year $10M FB Patrick Demarco 1 year $10M Every player accepted their contract and the Packers somehow suddenly found themselves in Cap Hell. But no matter, the Packers always do their most damage in the draft. Top 5 free agent signings: CB Jaire Alexander 92 ovr Arizona LOLB Leighton Vander Esch 89 ovr Denver HB Marlon Mack 86 ovr Minnesota WR Michael Gallup 85 ovr Washington SS Harrison Smith 85 ovr Pittsburgh NFL DRAFT 2022 The Top 5 prospects are MLB Gary Smithson (73 ovr), LE Reggie Clark (78 ovr), LG Amare Wagner (75 ovr), TE Garrett Presley (76 ovr) and LE Matthew Drake (75 ovr). The Packers should expect to get some value here picking first overall. With the first pick in the 2022 NFL Draft, the Packers select #449 rated prospect WR Bud Rich out of Arizona State. 57 overall The Packers were out their 2nd through 5th round picks, offering them as sacrifice to the Redskins in exchange for maybe one day having a discussion about the prospect of trading for Aaron Rodgers. The Redskins said no. With some stellar 4th round prospects on the board in the 6th round, the Packers took undrafted talent FB Amir McAllister out of Washington. 67 overall. Thats a wrap on the draft. Good job Packers. Top five drafted players: 1.16 Colts Kasen Harris SS 79 ovr 1.2 Saints Reggie Clark LE 78 ovr 1.4 Jaguars Cecil Oliver LG 77 ovr 1.3 Lions Garrett Presley TE 76 ovr 1.6 Cardinals Larry Poole RE 76 ovr Worst pick: 7.24 Steelers Thurman Marshall QB 52 ovr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malfatron Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 14 minutes ago, Tyty said: With the first pick in the 2022 NFL Draft, the Packers select #449 rated prospect WR Bud Rich out of Arizona State. 57 overall See, we will draft weapons for QBs who deserve it. finally, a WR in rd 1! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ty21 Posted May 1, 2020 Author Share Posted May 1, 2020 3 minutes ago, Malfatron said: See, we will draft weapons for QBs who deserve it. finally, a WR in rd 1! Thanks for being my only fan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malfatron Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 2 minutes ago, Tyty said: Thanks for being my only fan i have confidence in this team for the 2022 season 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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