Soggust Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 (edited) Dear Philadelphia Eagles, I want to apologize for doubting your legitimacy this year. All offseason, we heard the same washed story about how this is the Eagles year and how they had all the pieces to put together one of the best teams in the league. They put together great argument after great argument documenting all the pieces and how it was going to operate. They got elite weapons. Jalen was going to improve. It was all right in front of my face. The signs were there. Unfortunately, I'm a Philly hater, so I didn't care and still don't. Not because I have some legitimate gripe with the city or its fans, but just because I am a 100% All-Beef Grade A Hater. You were certain to suck because I WANTED you to suck. But unfortunately, sometimes you have to accept tangible evidence. I think I'm a great driver, but 25+ tickets suggest that I'm probably not. This year, these Philly degenerates have morphed into one of, if not THE, best team in the league and I am being forced to eat crow every week. To top it off, AJ Brown alone took me out in two leagues yesterday. If you could start collapsing, that would be awesome. ----- Dear Saquon Barkley and the New York Giants, I want to apologize for writing you off like I do every year and every single time ever you have been successful. To be fair, I think it's understandable considering your QB still absolutely stinks. But Brian Daboll and Co have certainly seemed to be a really solid hires right now and the culture has seemed to noticeably shift. I don't necessarily hate the Giants, but you always seem SOOOOO boring (Saquon the exception). If you can manage to fix your QB situation in the next year or two, you could really be a dynamic team. Also, the success of the NY franchises has brought a nice storyline to what has been a tough city to be a football fan in. NY deserves a good football team (NOT TWO), and so why not you guys? ----- Dear Geno Smith, I want to apologize to you Geno because, well, frankly I still don't believe you. I don't care what my lying eyes say, you are trash and always will be because you didn't revitalize the Jets franchise in 2013. I gave you 2 (two!) years to prove yourself and you still didn't. And now that you are supposed to navigate the Seattle Seahawks to the #1 overall pick, you want to go out and start winning ballgames? You want to start putting up triple digit QB Ratings? Get out of here. You are not allowed to be good. The madden ratings have already been announced. How are they going to draft your replacement if you keep doing well? Stop your crap right this second, Geno. ----- Dear Tyreek Hill, I want to apologize for not starting a GoFundMe to get you the extra money you deserved. I've been donating plasma a few times a week since the season started and I'm determined to win you back. I know I said you weren't going to be as productive with Tua. I know I said Patty wasn't even going to realize you were gone. But I was just hurt. I was emotional. I was saying these things because I didn't know how to react to the void you left. I'm sorry for ever treating you bad or all the mean things I said when you left. Please come back home baby. I'll be different this time, I promise. You'll see. We can make it even better. I'll do the dishes. No more Xbox. I know you're a Cheetah, but we can work through it. I miss you =( ----- Dear Father Time, I want to come clean. For years, you went unchallenged. But for the last decade or so, I have been talking some serious trash. Between Tom Brady stealing your lunch money every year and Aaron Rodgers DMTing his way to the fountain of youth, I thought your days were numbered. I thought it was just Father Time's time. But once again, like death, taxes, and my ability to disappoint women - you never fail. You are once again this year proving that you are the undefeated champion. Edited October 31, 2022 by Soggust 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notthatbluestuff Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 I'll be accepting apologies from the entire forum after taking a lot of flack for my "hot take," "trolling," "sucky" threads. Yet, sure enough, every single one proved salient - even prophetic. Cardinals chaos? They're 3-5. Raiders are bad? Yup, they're 2-5 and just got shut out. Are the Vikings for real? They're 6-1; seem somewhat real to me. Falcons will win the NFC South - look who's in the lead? There's more - and all of these threads were started weeks and weeks ago. Aaron Rodgers hasn't won a game since I asked if he's done. Or how about "Jalen Hurts MVP?" Not looking so farfetched now, is it? I'd keep going if not for my humility. I'll await your apologies, NFL Gen. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manny/Patrick Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 Dear Aaron Rodgers, I wrote you but you still ain’t calling… ~D.Adams 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter2_1 Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 33 minutes ago, notthatbluestuff said: I'll be accepting apologies from the entire forum after taking a lot of flack for my "hot take," "trolling," "sucky" threads. Yet, sure enough, every single one proved salient - even prophetic. Cardinals chaos? They're 3-5. Raiders are bad? Yup, they're 2-5 and just got shut out. Are the Vikings for real? They're 6-1; seem somewhat real to me. Falcons will win the NFC South - look who's in the lead? There's more - and all of these threads were started weeks and weeks ago. Aaron Rodgers hasn't won a game since I asked if he's done. Or how about "Jalen Hurts MVP?" Not looking so farfetched now, is it? I'd keep going if not for my humility. I'll await your apologies, NFL Gen. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KhanYouDigIt Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 53 minutes ago, notthatbluestuff said: I'll be accepting apologies from the entire forum after taking a lot of flack for my "hot take," "trolling," "sucky" threads. Yet, sure enough, every single one proved salient - even prophetic. Cardinals chaos? They're 3-5. Raiders are bad? Yup, they're 2-5 and just got shut out. Are the Vikings for real? They're 6-1; seem somewhat real to me. Falcons will win the NFC South - look who's in the lead? There's more - and all of these threads were started weeks and weeks ago. Aaron Rodgers hasn't won a game since I asked if he's done. Or how about "Jalen Hurts MVP?" Not looking so farfetched now, is it? I'd keep going if not for my humility. I'll await your apologies, NFL Gen. You poor boy. You’ll be ok. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFlaccoSeagulls Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 I'm sorry I doubted you, Pete Carroll. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaidersAreOne Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 Teenager me apologizing to future self for being a Raiders fan. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ronjon1990 Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 Dear the rest of the NFL (except New England), I apologize for the Raiders giving that bum and his troupe of bums another shot at running a team only to fail miserably and waste some exciting players in their primes. We didn't really want him either, I assure you. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWil23 Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 Dear Browns, I'm sorry that I've wasted my life on you and will continue to do so purely because my dad raised me as a fan. When I die, please come to my funeral and help lower me into my grave so that you can all let me down one more time. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeezla Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 Dear Raider fans, I'm sorry I was right about Dallas Goedert being a better TE than Darren Waller. Not only is Goedert way better at blocking, but now he's also better at receiving, and you didn't deserve for that to happen. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad People Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 I’m still waiting for an apology from Bronco fans man. The agony they’ve put us through this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jofos Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 Dear Jets, I'm sorry you suck so bad! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jakuvious Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 35 minutes ago, mattyice0401 said: I’m still waiting for an apology from Bronco fans man. The agony they’ve put us through this year. I've enjoyed every minute of it. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lancerman Posted November 1, 2022 Share Posted November 1, 2022 20 hours ago, ronjon1990 said: Dear the rest of the NFL (except New England), I apologize for the Raiders giving that bum and his troupe of bums another shot at running a team only to fail miserably and waste some exciting players in their primes. We didn't really want him either, I assure you. You should apologize to us most for taking away our OC so he had to give Matt Patricia the keys to the kingdom. Threw the whole world off its axis by hiring him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET80 Posted November 1, 2022 Share Posted November 1, 2022 21 hours ago, notthatbluestuff said: I'd keep going if not for my humility. I'll await your apologies, NFL Gen. Go ahead and tell us how Trevor Lawrence has arrived. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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