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look, i know what you're thinking, and you'd be right. also you're a pervert. 

if you know me you know what i'm about. if you don't know me then know this. i stand for 3 things, and zero of them are your overplayed and quite frankly offensive national anthem.  

- brown outs

- using your real name as your internet forum username

- kellen god damn moore. 

 

we all know the story of this season. the eagles ended the year employing three coordinators, all of whom ranked 99th-101st on the nfl coordinator replaceability index. something had to be done, something had to change, SOMEONE had to tell jalen it's ok to reach your hands deep inside another mans anus at some point during a game. 

enter

OBeDF9L.jpeg

 

i think it's safe to say that the assassination of archduke and known fan of birds franz ferdinand setting off world war 1 was the most impactful history-altering domino to ever fall, but i feel confident we can all come together in a back to back circle and acknowledge that the hiring of kellen moore, leading to ten consecutive lombardi trophies and first ballot ff  hofer il16 blacking out so hard you're all forced out of sheer guilt to travel to the uk for a funeral that resembles an overcast mardi gras, as a comfy second on that list. 

'but what makes kellen so incredible ian?' - joe buck

'hasn't he sort of failed twice already ian?' - haters

'boise state don't even play on grass. are they stupid?' - jesus christ of nazareth 

all valid questions, none of which i will respond to. you're going to have to take my word for it, i've done the research, i've crunched the numbers and poured through the tape. this man is exactly six feet tall and exactly 200 lbs, need i say more? ok i will. 

born july 5 1988 to a college shotputting and part time welding mother, kellen received a full scholarship to texas after he became the first kindergartener to successfully dunk over a moving horse. he would later commit to boise state after inadvertently making the horns down gesture while carrying three toddlers out of a burning jimmy johns, and boy did he never look back. 

2008

Quote

As a redshirt freshman in 2008, Moore led the Broncos to an undefeated regular season

2009

Quote

Moore threw for a school record 39 touchdowns with only 3 interceptions to lead the Broncos to a 14–0 record

2010

Quote

Moore led the Broncos to a 33–30 victory over Virginia Tech on September 6, 2010. The game was highly anticipated and received a 6.8 TV rating

6.8!!!

2011

Quote

In 2011 Kellen's wife Julie fell pregnant with their first born son, future Philadelphia Eagles QB, Gunner Rocket Moore. 

that's right guys. he sexed. 

2012-2023 - The Grey Area

Quote

Not much is known of Kellen Moore's activity during this time period. It is commonly assumed he lived in the wilderness in his home state of Washington, learning how to whittle and adapt gameplans to effectively counter zone blitzes.  

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

tony romo voice - "welllll there's the game jim". may as well not bother showing up next year team who gets rejected by detroit coaches, team coached by a guy addicted to watermelons despite the fact he clearly doesn't eat them and team who are addicted to drafting qb's who once babysat for david cutcliffe's ugly kids. 

if you need to know anymore about our lord and saviour kellen roland moore, please leave your name and address below and expect me at your door within 2-9 business years. 

 

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22 minutes ago, ianlewis16 said:

look, i know what you're thinking, and you'd be right. also you're a pervert. 

if you know me you know what i'm about. if you don't know me then know this. i stand for 3 things, and zero of them are your overplayed and quite frankly offensive national anthem.  

- brown outs

- using your real name as your internet forum username

- kellen god damn moore. 

 

we all know the story of this season. the eagles ended the year employing three coordinators, all of whom ranked 99th-101st on the nfl coordinator replaceability index. something had to be done, something had to change, SOMEONE had to tell jalen it's ok to reach your hands deep inside another mans anus at some point during a game. 

enter

OBeDF9L.jpeg

 

i think it's safe to say that the assassination of archduke and known fan of birds franz ferdinand setting off world war 1 was the most impactful history-altering domino to ever fall, but i feel confident we can all come together in a back to back circle and acknowledge that the hiring of kellen moore, leading to ten consecutive lombardi trophies and first ballot ff  hofer il16 blacking out so hard you're all forced out of sheer guilt to travel to the uk for a funeral that resembles an overcast mardi gras, as a comfy second on that list. 

'but what makes kellen so incredible ian?' - joe buck

'hasn't he sort of failed twice already ian?' - haters

'boise state don't even play on grass. are they stupid?' - jesus christ of nazareth 

all valid questions, none of which i will respond to. you're going to have to take my word for it, i've done the research, i've crunched the numbers and poured through the tape. this man is exactly six feet tall and exactly 200 lbs, need i say more? ok i will. 

born july 5 1988 to a college shotputting and part time welding mother, kellen received a full scholarship to texas after he became the first kindergartener to successfully dunk over a moving horse. he would later commit to boise state after inadvertently making the horns down gesture while carrying three toddlers out of a burning jimmy johns, and boy did he never look back. 

2008

2009

2010

6.8!!!

2011

that's right guys. he sexed. 

2012-2023 - The Grey Area

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

tony romo voice - "welllll there's the game jim". may as well not bother showing up next year team who gets rejected by detroit coaches, team coached by a guy addicted to watermelons despite the fact he clearly doesn't eat them and team who are addicted to drafting qb's who once babysat for david cutcliffe's ugly kids. 

if you need to know anymore about our lord and saviour kellen roland moore, please leave your name and address below and expect me at your door within 2-9 business years. 

 

Magical.

Please don't come to my door.

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8 hours ago, EaglesPeteC said:

If Ian shows up at your door, what happens next will be a story for the ages. 
 

Embrace it 

If Ian shows up at your door, he stays in your couch for 2-9 business years. 

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  • 4 weeks later...
1 hour ago, oland11 said:

This is such deep seeded forum lore and it’s giving B60 vibes. The new forum members must be so confused by this S-tier poop-posting 

Need B60, 808, Marky, Phire and others to come back. Would make things fun. 

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43 minutes ago, Nabbs4u said:

Need B60, 808, Marky, Phire and others to come back. Would make things fun. 

B60 unfortunately wouldn't be allowed back.

 

15 minutes ago, Broadway Joe said:

Add in FlyinDawkins and Gothman for balance. 

and ttrraavviss

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