Techbert Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 1 hour ago, jrry32 said: Notre Dame and Iowa? Stop discriminating against players outside of cornfields. But nice draft so far! Cue evil laugh by Evil Techbert. And they stayed in the Midwest (Ind/GB/Chi) in real life! So what do they grow in Idaho and South Dakota? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techbert Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 3-68 Fred Warner lb BYU Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techbert Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 For the Kamikaze's 4th round pick, Evil Techbert trots out a Komodo Dragon to deliver the pick to Roger Goodell... so don't expect the commissioner on the stage today. 4-105 Antonio Callaway wr Fl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techbert Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 Trade! 5-143 + 6-181 for 4-136 4-136 Shaquem Griffin lb UCF Evil Techbert makes a terrible pun, and is shunned by all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techbert Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 7-226 Bo Scarbrough rb Ala And that is that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techbert Posted May 15, 2018 Author Share Posted May 15, 2018 Norm Arey, world's laziest Public Affairs Director, asked "Who's that?" Andi Anderson looked at the large man moving into the apartment next door. "That's Antonio Garcia ot NYJ. The Kamis claimed him on waivers." "Oh." He took a drink. "Sweetie, can you put together a list of Kami undrafted free agents? For me?" "Sure thing, hon." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techbert Posted June 2, 2018 Author Share Posted June 2, 2018 "Norm! I gave you that list over two weeks ago! Why have you not posted it yet?" "Huh? I got it yesterday." "17 days. Now get posting!" "Okay. Okay. Stop nagging." qb JT Barrett OSU NO rb Ryan Nall Ore St Chi fb Khalid Hill Mich Sea fb Luke McNitt Neb Atl wr Vyncint Smith Lim wr Robert Foster Ala ot Desmond Harrison WGa Cle de Joe Ostman CMU Phi de Mike Love SFla Buf lb Tegray Scales Ind LAR lb Nick DeLuca NDSU Ten lb Brian Womac Rice LAR lb Emmanuel Ellerbee Rice Atl db Tarvarus McFadden FSU SF pk Eddy Peneiro Fla Oak/LV Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techbert Posted June 6, 2018 Author Share Posted June 6, 2018 In a bizarre sports scandal, a report in the magazine Zinger claims that team owner Evil Techbert had five Twitter accounts linked to burner phones. In them, he has criticized Roger Goodell, alleged comedian Gallagher, various NFL players, and his brother in an alternate universe, Techbert. The accounts are "NOTEvilTechbert", "Evi1TechbertRocks", "IGotAProcessForYaRightHere", "TechbertIsAStinkyHead", and "YounghoeKooWasFramed". "I admit nothing!" Evil Techbert said, "And they only found five of them?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tetsujin Posted June 11, 2018 Share Posted June 11, 2018 Do you have ties to the Kamakura area? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techbert Posted June 15, 2018 Author Share Posted June 15, 2018 No. Visited it when I was in the Nav. Used it here cuz it is a Tokyo suburb and alliterative with "Kamikazes." The way to read these threads is to separate the joke narrative (which often satirizes existing sports) from the serious personnel decisions. One is for your amusement, and the other is for... your amusement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techbert Posted June 17, 2018 Author Share Posted June 17, 2018 Kamis announce that team Dunktank Clown Ryan Grigson has left the team for a consultant position with the Seattle Seahawks. "Two wins within the division," Evil Techbert was heard to mutter. "Guaranteed." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techbert Posted July 12, 2018 Author Share Posted July 12, 2018 Kamikazes Fail To Draft Cornerback Despite having the 2nd worst record in the league, and despite entering a third round supplemental draft selection for him, the Kamakura Kamikazes fail to procure cornerback Sam Beal for the upcoming season. The New York Giants received the prized cornerback, thanks to a weighted lottery that only applies to the supplemental draft. "Wow," said team owner Evil Techbert. "A 'lottery' allows a New York team to gain a player they would not otherwise get. Like Patrick Ewing and Tom Seaver. I guess that's fair." The team is expected to sign safety Brandon Bryant of Miss St. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techbert Posted August 30, 2018 Author Share Posted August 30, 2018 "Upload this." "This is old." "Don't care. Upload this. It's your job. "Okay.... At least it is up before all the cuts." qb 8 Brandon Allen LAR qb 5 JT Barrett NO qb 9 Nick Foles Phi qb 10 Jimmy Garoppolo SF qb 7 Cardale Jones LAC rb 30 Kenneth Dixon Bal rb 23 Brian Hill Cin fb 40 Khalid Hill Sea fb 43 Luke McNitt Atl rb 28 Joe Mixon Cin rb 35 Ryan Nall Chi rb 36 Bo Scarbrough Dal wr 16 Quincy Adeboyejo Bal wr 11 Antonio Callaway Cle wr 18 Josh Doctson Was wr 8 Robert Foster Buf wr 13 Cyril Grayson Sea wr 81 Krishawn Hogan Ind wr 87 Bug Howard Car wr 17 Andy Jones Det wr 17 Anthony Miller Chi wr 13 Braxton Miller Hou wr 82 Francis Owusu Mia wr 17 Vyncint Smith Hou wr 12 Dede Westbrook Jax te 84 Ben Braunecker Chi te 80 Jake Butt Den te 85 Charles Clay Buf te 85 George Kittle SF te 82 Logan Thomas Buf ot 51 Adam Bisnowaty Det c 64 Jake Brendel Mia ot 61 Marcus Cannon NE ol 69 TJ Clemmings Was c 68 James Daniels Chi ds 48 Andrew DePaoula Oak c 54 Anthony Fabiano Cle ot 62 Antonio Garcia NYJ ot 69 Desmond Harrison Cle og 64 Dorian Johnson Car c 64 Eric Kush Chi ot 70 Bobby Massie Chi ot 68 Conor McDermott Buf og 56 Quenton Nelson Ind og 65 Nico Siragusa Bal c 65 Cody Whitehair Chi ol 70 Bryan Witzmann KC dt 99 Andrew Billings Cin de 47 James Cowser Oak de 95 Myles Garrett Cle dt 79 Javon Hargrave Pit dt 93 Tim Jernigan Phi dt 93 DJ Jones SF de 55 JT Jones Atl de 56 Mike Love Buf de 94 Dean Lowry GB de 95 Joe Ostman Phi de 95 Roy Robertson-Harris Chi de 90 Aziz Sh-ittu Phi de 57 Noah Spence TB de 62 Brian Womac LAR lb 56 BJ Bello Cle lb 51 Jaimie Collins Cle lb 52 Emmanuel Ellerbee Atl lb 50 Jordan Evans Cin lb 49 Shaquem Griffin Sea lb 54 Kamu Grugier-Hill Phi lb 59 Alex McCalister Was lb 46 Tegray Scales LAR lb 48 Terrance Smith KC lb 59 Danny Trevathan Chi lb 48 Fred Warner SF s 33 Jamal Adams NYJ cb 20 Mackensie Alexander Min db 38 Marcelis Branch Atl s 29 Kentrell Brice GB s 40 Brandon Bryant NYJ cb 20 Ken Crawley NO s 27 Trae Elston Mia s 39 Tashaun Gipson Jax cb 24 Brent Grimes TB cb 37 Josh Jackson GB db 32 Tyrann Mathieu Hou db 33 Tarvarus McFadden SF cb 31 Jalen Mills Phi s 30 Tyvis Powell SF db 40 Brandon Wilson Cin cb 36 Daryl Worley Oak pk 1 Cody Parkey Chi pk 9 Eddy Pineiro Oak p 2 Matt Haack Mia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techbert Posted September 9, 2018 Author Share Posted September 9, 2018 53-Man Roster qb 8 Brandon Allen LAR 26 qb 9 Nick Foles Phi 29 qb 10 Jimmy Garoppolo SF 26 rb 30 Kenneth Dixon Bal 24 rb 28 Joe Mixon Cin 22 wr 11 Antonio Callaway Cle 21 wr 18 Josh Doctson Was 25wr 16 Robert Foster Buf 24 wr 17 Anthony Miller Chi 23 wr 17 Vyncint Smith Hou 22 wr 12 Dede Westbrook Jax 24 te 84 Ben Braunecker Chi 24 te 80 Jake Butt Den 23 te 85 Charles Clay Buf 29 te 85 George Kittle SF 24 te 82 Logan Thomas Buf 27 ot 61 Marcus Cannon NE 30 ot 74 TJ Clemmings Oak 26c-g 68 James Daniels Chi 20 ot 69 Desmond Harrison Cle 24 c-g 64 Eric Kush Chi 29 ot 70 Bobby Massie Chi 29 ot 68 Conor McDermott Buf 25og 56 Quenton Nelson Ind 22 c-g 65 Cody Whitehair Chi 26 dt 99 Andrew Billings Cin 23 de 95 Myles Garrett Cle 22 dt 79 Javon Hargrave Pit 25 dt 93 DJ Jones SF 23 de 94 Dean Lowry GB 24 de 95 Roy Robertson-Harris Chi 25 de 57 Noah Spence TB 24 lb 51 Jamie Collins Cle 28lb 56 Emmanuel Ellerbee LAC 21 lb 50 Jordan Evans Cin 23lb 49 Shaquem Griffin Sea 23 lb 54 Kamu Grugier-Hill Phi 24 lb 48 Terrance Smith KC 25 lb 59 Danny Trevathan Chi 28lb 48 Fred Warner SF 21 s 33 Jamal Adams NYJ 22 cb 20 Mackensie Alexander Min 24 s 29 Kentrell Brice GB 24 cb 20 Ken Crawley NO 25 s 39 Tashaun Gipson Jax 28 cb 24 Brent Grimes TB 35cb 37 Josh Jackson GB 22 s 32 Tyrann Mathieu Hou 26 cb 31 Jalen Mills Phi 24 s 40 Brandon Wilson Cin 24 pk 1 Cody Parkey Chi 26 p 2 Matt Haack Mia 24 ls 48 Andrew DePaola Oak 31 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techbert Posted September 16, 2018 Author Share Posted September 16, 2018 Kamis put rb Kenneth Dixon and ls Andrew DePaola on IR and signed rb Brian Hill Atl from their PS and signed ls Trent Sleg Oak off the street. rb Joe Mixon, their only other rb, is out 2 to 4 weeks with surgery. "Don't bet on the Kamikazes this week," owner Evil Techbert said in what he called a Public Service Announcement. "There is no one to run the ball." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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