LETSGOBROWNIES Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 Just now, MWil23 said: I don't view this as a problem at all. If you think "Meh, this probably won't last" then you don't even have a shot for it to work. Exactly. A marriage won't last long at all if either party isn't interested in making it last. Being committed and considerate gets you a long way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWil23 Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 1 minute ago, LETSGOBROWNIES said: Exactly. A marriage won't last long at all if either party isn't interested in making it last. Being committed and considerate gets you a long way. IMO the problem with a good portion of marriages is that they think of them as 50/50 and a give/take instead of each party going all in 100/100 and giving. I'm not saying "don't compromise", because obviously compromise is critical in a lot of areas (not your values/beliefs though), but my wife and I have a 100/100 marriage. The best 50/50 marriages I've seen are glorified grumpy roommates who trade things like commodities, like free time, gifts, sex, whatever...and I genuinely feel bad for these people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwny Posted November 9, 2017 Author Share Posted November 9, 2017 8 minutes ago, MWil23 said: The same could be said for people who marry abnormally young...teen pregnancies. There's a lot of correlation in these studies and none of them are perfect. Those are all generally understood. The greatest scientifically quantifiable predictor of a successful marriage isn’t age. It isn’t wealth. It isn’t education. It’s that they saw a marriage counselor before getting married. Regardless of all these other factors, people who see a marriage counselor have a consistently sky high marriage success rate. And it has nothing to do with the counseling they receive. It turns out that people who see a marriage counselor before they get married are people that are so concerned with open discussion with one another and making a concerned effort to work on things before they become serious, and discuss things thoroughly before making big decisions. They’re willing to work to make themselves better. And that’s This also happens with parents. The quantifiable best parents are the ones who buy parenting books. It doesn’t matter which parenting books they buy. It doesn’t matter how much they read or how much from the books that they implement into their parenting styles. It doesn’t even matter if the books they buy are based on bull**** pseudo-science. People who buy parenting books are people who admit they aren’t perfect and are looking for ways to be better parents. Turns out the very best way to be good at interpersonal relationships is to admit you don’t have the answers and to be willing to work to make yourself better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwny Posted November 9, 2017 Author Share Posted November 9, 2017 7 minutes ago, LETSGOBROWNIES said: Agreed. She'll do some stuff that will drive you NUTS, but so will you. Don't sweat the small stuff. Yup. She’a gonna hate it when you wait until the last minute to take out the trash and leave chip crumbs on the couch during a Sunday night. You’re gonna hate that she doesn’t pay attention to the check engine light and won’t clean her hair out of the shower drain. None of this matters. Be willing to listen and open to change with this small stuff. Because if they’re bringing it up to you, it does matter to them at some level. But also recognize that no one is completely a perfect match and these things aren’t worth ruining potential happy memories over if they don’t get fixed. That said - also understand the different between some of these being small things and a pattern of behavior that leads to an unhealthy relationship dynamic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 The same principal applies in any part of life. Successful people recognize their deficiencies and try to improve. Others don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 1 minute ago, iPwn said: Yup. She’a gonna hate it when you wait until the last minute to take out the trash and leave chip crumbs on the couch during a Sunday night. You’re gonna hate that she doesn’t pay attention to the check engine light and won’t clean her hair out of the shower drain. None of this matters. Be willing to listen and open to change with this small stuff. Because if they’re bringing it up to you, it does matter to them at some level. But also recognize that no one is completely a perfect match and these things aren’t worth ruining potential happy memories over if they don’t get fixed. That said - also understand the different between some of these being small things and a pattern of behavior that leads to an unhealthy relationship dynamic. To add to it even further, address her check engine light and clean her hair for her. It's often easier than the ensuing argument and you may notice she just starts cleaning up your chips on the couch or takes out the garbage. Before making a stink, ask yourself, is this worth an argument? Sometimes it is, most of the time it's not. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 Damn fellas, Dr. Phil doesn't have a thing on us. Hope you fellas are paying attention, we're giving you pearls here lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWil23 Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 Just now, LETSGOBROWNIES said: Damn fellas, Dr. Phil doesn't have a thing on us. Hope you fellas are paying attention, we're giving you pearls here lol. Just look at my wife, and then look at me, and you should figure out very quickly that I know what I'm doing/talking about. I won the game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwny Posted November 9, 2017 Author Share Posted November 9, 2017 3 minutes ago, LETSGOBROWNIES said: To add to it even further, address her check engine light and clean her hair for her. It's often easier than the ensuing argument and you may notice she just starts cleaning up your chips on the couch or takes out the garbage. Before making a stink, ask yourself, is this worth an argument? Sometimes it is, most of the time it's not. Yeah. Was trying to express the stuff in the first two paragraphs. Also a good idea to try to truly understand the underlying mechanisms of the way the other person thinks. It makes it a lot easier to understand where they’re coming from if you understand how they get there. For example, myself and my girlfriend have very similar end result values when it comes to social issues and politics. However how we get there is very different. Her base understanding comes from a level of compassion, whereas mine comes from a belief in the importance to an adherence to order. So we’ll often find differences in the things that we believe just because we come at similar conclusions from entirely different starting points. A willingness to understand truly *where the other person is coming from* really helps to give you a better grasp of what their conclusion ends up being and why it matters to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWil23 Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 1 minute ago, iPwn said: Yeah. Was trying to express the stuff in the first two paragraphs. Also a good idea to try to truly understand the underlying mechanisms of the way the other person thinks. It makes it a lot easier to understand where they’re coming from if you understand how they get there. For example, myself and my girlfriend This is where I stopped reading (not really, I read the whole thing LOL)...you've been giving marriage input/advice and you're not even married!!!!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwny Posted November 9, 2017 Author Share Posted November 9, 2017 Just now, MWil23 said: you've been giving marriage input/advice and you're not even married!!!!! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWil23 Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 1 minute ago, iPwn said: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theJ Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 33 minutes ago, DontTazeMeBro said: This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Depends on you. But if you wait until late 20s early 30s, most of the women your age are going to already have kids. And most of the ones that don’t already are in a race against time to get them. So they aren’t playing around. Again, not necessarily a bad thing. But just something the younger people should consider about waiting Most guys i know waiting until 26-30 are marrying a girl younger than them. In the 22-24 range. There's probably some sort of emotional maturity sweet spot in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cddolphin Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 1 hour ago, theJ said: Most guys i know waiting until 26-30 are marrying a girl younger than them. In the 22-24 range. Most men across time and space throughout human history** Althought two of my best friends married women their same age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theJ Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 10 minutes ago, cddolphin said: Most men across time and space throughout human history** Althought two of my best friends married women their same age. Haha. It would be interesting to see the statistics on my very local, informal survey. Also, my wife is older than me. But i was never wildly immature either, and was ready for kids younger than most. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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