Crazy Media ideas thread.

[cconocool]

A cheapskate wants to save money on his visit to a certain area. After looking through some online hotel ads, his eyes focus an intriguing stipulation noting funerary visits receive a considerable discount. Never one to miss an opportunity to pinch pennies, even through unscrupulous methods of questionable legality, he gathers together the small town's previous weeks worth of newspapers and browses through the names forming the columns in the obituaries. Among the serene black and white photos, one image captures the entirety of the viewer's attention. While the other photos of the deceased present respectful and positive countenances, one photo inspires a shuddering of the shoulders. One male head bears a startling lack of symmetry as one half shut eye partially overlaps the upper region proboscis, while the other naturally distanced eye retains an uneasy alertness which forces even the most stoic of philosophies towards other more sane and human gazes. The entire head droops at a peculiar angle, and the perfect facial alignment towards the shoulders indicate a natal defect in the form of an inability to twist the neck in more photogenic postures. Perhaps more unsettling than the bizarre forms and twisted angles prevalent among the image, the texture of the skin bears an unhealthy feel, reproduced even through the simple layers of black dots forming the portrait. While every other final expression lies upon a natural human canvas, this gentleman's features contain a uniformity of pigment which conjure deep memories of childhood puppetry bearing a frightening realism unwelcome to developing minds.

Unperturbed by the eerie photo, the cheapskate's face lightens in glee as the surname possessed by this unfortunate malformation bears the exact spelling as his own. Neither curiosity nor suspicion would be aroused by inquisitive and profit-minded managers with such a fortuitous boon, and the handsome entrepreneur could conduct his nefarious business absent of scrutiny.

The first day's affairs prove monetarily advantageous, but at nightfall, the gentleman notices a certain pain centered around his neck, lowering both his head and limiting his neck movements.

[cconocool]

To denote  the Rhino's entrance into a room, every time he crosses a doorway he stomps his feet in unison with a shout of, "Boom.....Boom.... Boom..Boom..Boom."

[cconocool]

As the Rhino's notoriety spreads among lower sexual market value males, a posse of followers attempt to imitate his success. They call themselves the Rhinauts, and you can leave what they would look like up to your imagination as it would be politically incorrect to offer descriptions. These men try to emulate his trademark rhino horn/tilted birthday cap but never actually manage the look as they attach traffic cones and pine cones instead of the obvious birthday decoration. None the less, they hold the Rhino in high regard. 

[cconocool]

The march out theme to Suzabelle walking out on her amorous factory co-workers. To the tune of “We’re not going to take it.”

I am going to be an actress, a famous famous actress, and I am not taking your guys’ crap anymore.

Under Hollywood lights I will booze, and at night A-Listers schmooze with, and it will be my life and my song.

From the catcalls I’ll be free, a huge movie star celebrity, everyone will know me and my dog.

 

 

I need to think about the beat. 

[cconocool]

A cart pusher’s idea for a parody music video. This is about South Park as I will get.

Have Tal Bachman’s “She is so High Above Me,” play while a People of Wal-Mart woman rides around the store on an electric cart. She would belch at an appropriate lyric. High society lyric would sync with looking over mud truck magazines.

[cconocool]

Horror story setup.

I was always curious about how people from earlier centuries kept carrion scrounging old western cemeteries. The odors of decay might attract coyotes and other wildlife. A cowboy era mortician has the quality of his funerary practices decay with nearing retirement. The rural desert townsfolk are only familiar with the aging undertaker’s business, and raise no object when certain wooden monuments tilt at improper angles shortly after internment nor when unhealthy diseased airs circulate not the only arrangement of dilapidated crosses but also nearby houses and establishments.

But by necessity, the locals clamor when certain plots bear signs of unnatural exhumation with a scattering of familiar funerary attire intermingled with split femurs and collapsed skulls… Although the gruesome sight draws chills from the stoic Civil War Veterans, the graphic scene draws the attention of the lone local deputy as the nearby claw marks no resemblance to the nearby wildlife. Instead, the rough scratches and aggressive slashes would appear humanoid if the markings stretched in common lengths and proportions…..

[cconocool]

"Ryan, are you having a hard time keeping up! There are carts all over the place."

"The Rhino has no problem keeping it up."

[cconocool]

I normally don't like sexual humor, unless it is done right, but this is right up the Rhino's alley.

"Ryan, I would say Keith is on the A team for cartpushers, and you would probably be on the B team."

"The Rhino is always on the D team." 

[cconocool]

The Rhino needs a theme song.  I was thinking this would go to the old Disney Davey Crockett song.

Before the girls wouldn't give him the time of day,

now all they want to do is roll in the hay.

Rhino, Rhino, Rhino. King of the nightly bar scene.

No woman can resist this masculine beast,

To say he's a stud would say it to the least.

 

Edited August 8, 2023 by cconocool

[cconocool]

I needed another antagonist for the Rhino universe.

A heavyset cart-pusher at a rival grocery store watches the aforementioned news piece featuring the heartbreaker known as Rhino. Disturbed at hearing this report of sexual villainy, he ponders potential solutions for locating and apprehending this nocturnal menace. As he contemplates action, his mind focuses towards the smartest person he knows, and the method in which he would remedy the problem. His community college sociology professor. Remembering the brown fedora and archeological jacket sported by his professor (which the community college teacher immediately starts putting as soon as Doug comes within eyesight, in an effort to avoid chatting too long) he starts emulating the sophisticated speech pattern practiced by his hero, but further dialogues feature inflexion mishaps and pauses, rending the audience in giggles. Detective Doug is on the case.

[cconocool]

One of my best buds at work revealed a health concern. I like to gauge him on whether some attractive retirement ladies browsed the aisles with a thumbs up or thumbs down, to which he replies up, down or wishy washy. He also has a huge crush on the 60ish Korean lady who works in the bakery. All of this culminated into a comedy sketch idea.

Paul is lying down on the hospital bed, blips and beeps no longer registering on the cardiac monitor. “That is too bad about Paul, he is also going to miss all of the retirement aged women coming up from the Cities for Memorial Day.” A small series of blips pick up on the machine. “And Eunhee has bought some new work attire.” A larger more frequent amount of blips pick on the machine. “And those clothes fit her perfectly.” A larger more vivacious series of blips. Paul’s cigarette scarred voice enters the shot from outside the picture frame, “Are they skin tight?” The mourners, lost in their thoughts, don’t recognize the origin of the question. “They fit her like a glove.” A boinging spring sound echoes off of the walls as Paul renters life as if there were a second raising of Lazarus.

[cconocool]

The voice actor for Dale in the King of the Hill passed on. Within the past couple of years, I was contemplating an audio sketch for a variation of Dale who would create a bunch of conspiracy theories via a radio show. As an homage, it would great to get that idea rolling again.

Dreams are rarely the starting point of comedy sketches, but last night such material came in that drifting hours.

Swap the names of Hank and Dale.

“Bringing weapons to the workplace, Hank.”

“No, these are chopsticks, Dale. They came with the Chinese I ordered. But after months of trying to eat with them, I still have not gotten any better.”

“Never heard of quote unquote chopsticks, but I have seen those ninja movies. Those are nunchucks. You are planning a riot.”

“No, the Chinese use them instead of forks. And I still cannot use them worth….”

“A foreign spy! Call the police (pause) or the president. Well the president is in cahoots with…”

Sound of bowl splatter against floor.

Yells, “It is a revolution. Everyone bow down to our new foreign overlords.”

[Fresh Prince]

Not sure if this has been said but a remake of BTTF, with Tom Holland and Robert Downey Jr as Marty, and Doc.

[cconocool]

A comedy sketch with some weird humor.

Grandma has returned from a Golden Retirement Retreat. Many entertainment options are available at the retreat ranging from Golf, Dancing Lessons, Horse Back Riding, etc. Should one feel too tired after one day of entertainment, each room is outfitted with a TV screen and a channel featuring unlimited movies with no commercials....

The parents request that the grandchildren chat with grandma a bit, and they will return in 30 minutes. Later on, for the adults paying attention, the parents come back 6 hours later with no pizza.

Grandma tells the tales of her "childhood", based entirely on the all movies she watched at the retreat.

She tells of her first love. A handsome young man named Leo with whom she saved the galaxy from the Death Sphere. The Death Sphere is an ocean liner that floats through outer space. She pilots her ship, with Leo as the second gunner. Each of her shots hit the various targets, but unfortunately she is left without ammunition as they approach the weak point. Leo informs Grandma that he can put his hands over his head like a torpedo, and, after tapping his noggin, he reveals that his head is as hard as a missile. Not sure whether to save the universe or love, Leo forces the decision. She pushes the button with "My Heart Will Go On" playing. And she speeds away from the exploding ship.

[ET80]