pwny Posted November 9, 2017 Author Share Posted November 9, 2017 44 minutes ago, RavensTillIDie said: Yeah, that's what got me curious. I've known my now wife since high school as well, and we'd been dating for over 12 years (on and off a couple times) before we finally tied the knot this past September. And I don't think there's a person I love or trust more in this world than her. She cheated on him. They went to counseling to try to save things. And she still flaked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CWood21 Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 39 minutes ago, RavensTillIDie said: Yeah, that's what got me curious. I've known my now wife since high school as well, and we'd been dating for over 12 years (on and off a couple times) before we finally tied the knot this past September. And I don't think there's a person I love or trust more in this world than her. Honestly, what brownies said is probably it. People change a LOT in their mid 20s. So the person that made you happy when you were 22, 23, 24 might not make you happy when you're 28, 29, 30. I'm not sure there's a magical number when you're ready to get married, but at least from what I've seen the rate of divorce goes up the younger you're married. There's also the financial factor that is tied in there as well. Obviously, it's not just a single factor that causes divorce but rather a combination of issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwny Posted November 9, 2017 Author Share Posted November 9, 2017 45 minutes ago, RavensTillIDie said: And I don't think there's a person I love or trust more in this world than her. This is a good start. Continue with this. Always be willing to openly communicate anything you feel and be willing to resolve things before they become a problem. People who actually do this typically find the success in a marriage, or at worse split on good, healthy terms. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWil23 Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 7 minutes ago, CWood21 said: Honestly, what brownies said is probably it. People change a LOT in their mid 20s. So the person that made you happy when you were 22, 23, 24 might not make you happy when you're 28, 29, 30. I'm not sure there's a magical number when you're ready to get married, but at least from what I've seen the rate of divorce goes up the younger you're married. There's also the financial factor that is tied in there as well. Obviously, it's not just a single factor that causes divorce but rather a combination of issue. https://ifstudies.org/blog/want-to-avoid-divorce-wait-to-get-married-but-not-too-long/ This article shows data supporting those who wait until their early 30's or later are actually at a higher risk than young people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwny Posted November 9, 2017 Author Share Posted November 9, 2017 3 minutes ago, MWil23 said: https://ifstudies.org/blog/want-to-avoid-divorce-wait-to-get-married-but-not-too-long/ This article shows data supporting those who wait until their early 30's or later are actually at a higher risk than young people. But like it shows, generally people who are getting married in a late stage of life typically have a lot of personal baggage that make interpersonal relationships more difficult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 6 minutes ago, iPwn said: This is a good start. Continue with this. Always be willing to openly communicate anything you feel and be willing to resolve things before they become a problem. People who actually do this typically find the success in a marriage, or at worse split on good, healthy terms. To add to this good advice, be stubborn and work at it. What I mean is marriage isn't always easy and there are times you might think it would be easier to go a different direction. That may be true, but at the same time, most marriages have issues from time to time. Be stubborn and keep trying to improve things. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWil23 Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 3 minutes ago, iPwn said: But like it shows, generally people who are getting married in a late stage of life typically have a lot of personal baggage that make interpersonal relationships more difficult. The same could be said for people who marry abnormally young...teen pregnancies. There's a lot of correlation in these studies and none of them are perfect. You can play devil's advocate for/against any of it to be honest. Just like "55% of marriages end in divorce" is somehow universally applied to all marriages, when in reality studies show that those who get divorced 1 time are likely to a 2nd or more as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CWood21 Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 3 minutes ago, iPwn said: But like it shows, generally people who are getting married in a late stage of life typically have a lot of personal baggage that make interpersonal relationships more difficult. That and you're often "settling" to make sure you don't end up alone, or at least that's my running theory. Every person is different, but as a whole it seems "safer" to get married in that 26-30 range than getting married earlier or later than that. One of the girls I worked with got married when she was 18 or 19, and here she is in the middle of getting a divorce and she hasn't even turned 22 yet. I just turned 26 a few months ago, and the thought of marriage isn't really even a serious thought in my mind. I couldn't even imagine getting married at 22 or 23 years old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CWood21 Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 Just now, MWil23 said: Just like "55% of marriages end in divorce" is somehow universally applied to all marriages, when in reality studies show that those who get divorced 1 time are likely to a 2nd or more as well. Every marriage is unique. The problem is everyone always thinks that their marriage will stand the test of time when they get married, but when you look at marriage as a whole there's risks involved that people refuse to acknowledge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 1 minute ago, CWood21 said: That and you're often "settling" to make sure you don't end up alone, or at least that's my running theory. Every person is different, but as a whole it seems "safer" to get married in that 26-30 range than getting married earlier or later than that. One of the girls I worked with got married when she was 18 or 19, and here she is in the middle of getting a divorce and she hasn't even turned 22 yet. I just turned 26 a few months ago, and the thought of marriage isn't really even a serious thought in my mind. I couldn't even imagine getting married at 22 or 23 years old. I think people who wait until later in life can also be more self centered/independent (jobs, not wanting kids, whatever) than those who marry young. Not having kids can play into as well. It would seem to be easier to walk away from a marriage if no kids are involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwny Posted November 9, 2017 Author Share Posted November 9, 2017 4 minutes ago, LETSGOBROWNIES said: To add to this good advice, be stubborn and work at it. What I mean is marriage isn't always easy and there are times you might think it would be easier to go a different direction. That may be true, but at the same time, most marriages have issues from time to time. Be stubborn and keep trying to improve things. Stubborn, but also don’t dwell. Some things really aren’t that big of a deal and aren’t worth the pain of rehashing over and over again. If you guys can’t come to terms on some menial crap, just come to a mutual agreement to let it go. And actually let it go. It really isn’t worth an argument or rehashing the same discussion every time your wife puts a glass on a table without a coaster. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 2 minutes ago, CWood21 said: Every marriage is unique. The problem is everyone always thinks that their marriage will stand the test of time when they get married, but when you look at marriage as a whole there's risks involved that people refuse to acknowledge. I think anyone who believes this is an idiot. I knew full well I have a 50/50 shot of this working out and also that I'd be paying child support if we did divorce. Both of these things seem to shock and anger guys but it's pretty much common sense iyam. Just work hard to stack the deck in your favor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWil23 Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 8 minutes ago, CWood21 said: Every marriage is unique. The problem is everyone always thinks that their marriage will stand the test of time when they get married I don't view this as a problem at all. If you think "Meh, this probably won't last" then you don't even have a shot for it to work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 1 minute ago, iPwn said: Stubborn, but also don’t dwell. Some things really aren’t that big of a deal and aren’t worth the pain of rehashing over and over again. If you guys can’t come to terms on some menial crap, just come to a mutual agreement to let it go. And actually let it go. It really isn’t worth an argument or rehashing the same discussion every time your wife puts a glass on a table without a coaster. Agreed. She'll do some stuff that will drive you NUTS, but so will you. Don't sweat the small stuff. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DontTazeMeBro Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Depends on you. But if you wait until late 20s early 30s, most of the women your age are going to already have kids. And most of the ones that don’t already are in a race against time to get them. So they aren’t playing around. Again, not necessarily a bad thing. But just something the younger people should consider about waiting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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