What are you thinking about?

[MWil23]

5 minutes ago, MacReady said:

I love my current boss and job, but it’s in Nebraska. Nothing against Nebraska as it’s a fine state, but I moved here originally to help my mom with her parents. The plan was for me to stay a single year and that single year turned into 6 years now (because of the job and my boss).

Lately though I’ve been getting more and more restless and just feeling the need for a change.

I need to get back to somewhere with legitimate wildlife, legit nature. Midwest wildlife just doesn’t do it for me.

I plan on living in my house one more year so I don’t have to pay capital gains taxes, but this is about to be the hardest life move I’ve ever had to willingly make.

Thinking somewhere inland Florida. Coastal living I found overrated as far as a wildlife perspective, but I still enjoy the ocean, so I’d like to live about an hour or two away from beaches. Best wildlife experiences I’ve ever had were in Phoenix and Leland, NC.

Any suggestions on where I should start looking?

If you want land and wildlife with a view, Montana, Colorado, Idaho, Wyoming.

You want coastal and fishing? Northeast or southeast probably.

[naptownskinsfan]

Maryland has great nature with the Chesapeake Bay and Atlantic Ocean very close.  You would probably want to pick the western shore, but depending on the job/field you are in, Easton or Salisbury could have what you are looking for.  However…..you pay for it in Maryland taxes.  

Additionally, South Carolina is pretty good with wildlife too.  And you can be in-land at Columbia and be close to multiple beaches.  

[MacReady]

27 minutes ago, MWil23 said:

If you want land and wildlife with a view, Montana, Colorado, Idaho, Wyoming.

You want coastal and fishing? Northeast or southeast probably.

I’m more interested in the reptilian/amphibian/crustaceon wildlife. I’ve since clarified it needs to be warm.

 

[MacReady]

10 minutes ago, naptownskinsfan said:

Maryland has great nature with the Chesapeake Bay and Atlantic Ocean very close.  You would probably want to pick the western shore, but depending on the job/field you are in, Easton or Salisbury could have what you are looking for.  However…..you pay for it in Maryland taxes.  

Additionally, South Carolina is pretty good with wildlife too.  And you can be in-land at Columbia and be close to multiple beaches.  

I’ve thought about the Carolinas a lot. Definitely an option. Maryland far too cold for me though.

I think I just need to take a two week vacation and drive through the southeast. 

[Ty21]

My facial hair jumped ship, is now red out of nowhere. Never had red hair before 

[MacReady]

Irish Whiskey takes the lead. Just off Jameson.

Excited to try a higher end Irish Whiskey after this life changing experience.

[FinneasGage]

something that's been on my mind for a few months, just curious about other people's opinion on it. have had a really close friend since early 2020. we lived together for a year. after i moved out, still ended up crashing over there all the time. hung out like half the days of the week with him. gone through a lot of stuff together. probably laugh more with this dude than any of my other friends. never even had a fight. even amongst all my friends, this is the guy i always thought i just clicked with most when it comes to what we think is funny/tastes in ****/etc. but was always a guy that didn't necessarily feel like a brother, like most of my other close friends, even though i probably spend more time with him than any of my other homies. there was a growing distance with us kinda that was unspoken. he started living a little more crazily with drugs and really just kinda obsessing over trying to get girls like all the time. so it ends where i'm hitting him up most the time, so i pull back a little, but we're still great friends. start hanging with other people more and some homies that live in his house and not really even telling him when we're going out, because there's this energy like he doesn't wanna slum around, which is what i do. but he's like wtf you don't even hit me up? so there's this weird kinda energy we have. but when we're hanging it's all laughs still. 

just some back story i guess. so anyway, we had just gotten back from a road trip where we got into a lot of shenanigans and ****, it was a good time. the next day i'm at a bar with some friends, he ends up sliding to the bar as well. we're outside goofing around and end up both having to use the bathroom really bad, so we leave in separate cars like kinda trying to get home first because we both have to **** really bad. i've talked about this part before, but i ended up getting sideswiped and all that, broke a bunch of stuff, had to get a spinal fusion, lung drain, etc. not really the point this post. so ambulance comes, he meets me at the hospital along with the other homies we were with. he leaves later that night. he came again and visited for a couple hours and then he had to leave town for a work trip. so two weeks later, i get out of the hospital hit him up with my new number (my phone disappeared), he barely responds with anything. facetime him, we talk a bit, he's in a bad mood about something on the work trip. i hear there's like drama in our friend group about some stupid ****, which is where their attention is, which seemed ridiculous to me when like i just got outta the hospital and am all f'd up. also hear a girl that lives with him at the house he stays at (a girl i was messing around with for a while with and the dynamic had turned terrible/kinda hateful) was spreading a lot of misinformation saying i was mad people didn't visit enough or something, which was just BS, wasn't even my feelings, never said anything like that. was annoying to hear i'm being painted as unappreciative to people who came and spent time with me. so i'm like whatever man, i'm gonna wait for this dude to hit me up. so two months go by and he never reaches out once. one of my closest homies and the guy that i essentially go thru this accident with. not that it was his fault in anyway, but like he was kind of a part of it. so i'm like confused and just caught off guard for months. i'm like whatever **** him then. maybe it's like survivor remorse or something i dunno. but at that point, like no way i can ever be this guys friend again. on the cliche of you find out who your friends are when you're at your lowest point and i just didn't hear from him. 

so two months later and i get a letter in the mail from him. he writes a lot of stuff. apologizing kind of, saying he was going through a lot (which he kind of was), wanting to be friends like we used to be. i love this guy and still do. so i text him, i'm like i wanna be your friend but i feel like i have no principles and stand for nothing if i just start hanging with you again. a few exchanges we send. we hang once, it's awkward and don't mention anything. we don't talk again for like a month. he hits me back, drives down and we actually have a conversation about everything. we talk about the growing distance we were having before the accident. he's like i felt like i only hung out with you and also just wanted to work on my music, but felt like if i said i didn't wanna hang, you wouldn't be my friend anymore. this is kinda why we had distance is because the guy just never opens up and says his feelings about ****. we have like a 5 hour conversation about everything. i haven't talked to him since. he's called me twice and texted me 4 times in the past month or so. texting me music and asking if i wanted to hang a few times. but i haven't responded. i just don't think i can be homies with a guy who would disappear when i'm at my lowest like that. but it sucks. i really love him. and i'm pretty sure despite everything he loves me too. even when we met up that last time he's saying stuff like that, he's kinda tearing up, etc. it just comes down to like i feel like i don't have any standards for the people i call friends if i start hanging with him again. but he's probably the only dude i know that i just actually laugh with nonstop. he's been spiraling lately. ending all his friendships in toxic fashion, sleeping in his car to not be around roommates he's feuding with, getting arrested for the silliest public disturbance charge of all time. 

i say all this because i'm just really curious if you guys would be able to still be friends with a guy like this if you went through this situation? i've just been grappling with it for months. can't ask my friends because they either love him and love our dynamic and want that back in their lives or they can't stand the guy and say absolutely don't be his friend. obviously it's all what i feel, but i'm just curious how other people would move through it. 

anyone who read that essay and cares to respond, much love/appreciation lol 

[MWil23]

18 minutes ago, FinneasGage said:

something that's been on my mind for a few months, just curious about other people's opinion on it. have had a really close friend since early 2020. we lived together for a year. after i moved out, still ended up crashing over there all the time. hung out like half the days of the week with him. gone through a lot of stuff together. probably laugh more with this dude than any of my other friends. never even had a fight. even amongst all my friends, this is the guy i always thought i just clicked with most when it comes to what we think is funny/tastes in ****/etc. but was always a guy that didn't necessarily feel like a brother, like most of my other close friends, even though i probably spend more time with him than any of my other homies. there was a growing distance with us kinda that was unspoken. he started living a little more crazily with drugs and really just kinda obsessing over trying to get girls like all the time. so it ends where i'm hitting him up most the time, so i pull back a little, but we're still great friends. start hanging with other people more and some homies that live in his house and not really even telling him when we're going out, because there's this energy like he doesn't wanna slum around, which is what i do. but he's like wtf you don't even hit me up? so there's this weird kinda energy we have. but when we're hanging it's all laughs still. 

just some back story i guess. so anyway, we had just gotten back from a road trip where we got into a lot of shenanigans and ****, it was a good time. the next day i'm at a bar with some friends, he ends up sliding to the bar as well. we're outside goofing around and end up both having to use the bathroom really bad, so we leave in separate cars like kinda trying to get home first because we both have to **** really bad. i've talked about this part before, but i ended up getting sideswiped and all that, broke a bunch of stuff, had to get a spinal fusion, lung drain, etc. not really the point this post. so ambulance comes, he meets me at the hospital along with the other homies we were with. he leaves later that night. he came again and visited for a couple hours and then he had to leave town for a work trip. so two weeks later, i get out of the hospital hit him up with my new number (my phone disappeared), he barely responds with anything. facetime him, we talk a bit, he's in a bad mood about something on the work trip. i hear there's like drama in our friend group about some stupid ****, which is where their attention is, which seemed ridiculous to me when like i just got outta the hospital and am all f'd up. also hear a girl that lives with him at the house he stays at (a girl i was messing around with for a while with and the dynamic had turned terrible/kinda hateful) was spreading a lot of misinformation saying i was mad people didn't visit enough or something, which was just BS, wasn't even my feelings, never said anything like that. was annoying to hear i'm being painted as unappreciative to people who came and spent time with me. so i'm like whatever man, i'm gonna wait for this dude to hit me up. so two months go by and he never reaches out once. one of my closest homies and the guy that i essentially go thru this accident with. not that it was his fault in anyway, but like he was kind of a part of it. so i'm like confused and just caught off guard for months. i'm like whatever **** him then. maybe it's like survivor remorse or something i dunno. but at that point, like no way i can ever be this guys friend again. on the cliche of you find out who your friends are when you're at your lowest point and i just didn't hear from him. 

so two months later and i get a letter in the mail from him. he writes a lot of stuff. apologizing kind of, saying he was going through a lot (which he kind of was), wanting to be friends like we used to be. i love this guy and still do. so i text him, i'm like i wanna be your friend but i feel like i have no principles and stand for nothing if i just start hanging with you again. a few exchanges we send. we hang once, it's awkward and don't mention anything. we don't talk again for like a month. he hits me back, drives down and we actually have a conversation about everything. we talk about the growing distance we were having before the accident. he's like i felt like i only hung out with you and also just wanted to work on my music, but felt like if i said i didn't wanna hang, you wouldn't be my friend anymore. this is kinda why we had distance is because the guy just never opens up and says his feelings about ****. we have like a 5 hour conversation about everything. i haven't talked to him since. he's called me twice and texted me 4 times in the past month or so. texting me music and asking if i wanted to hang a few times. but i haven't responded. i just don't think i can be homies with a guy who would disappear when i'm at my lowest like that. but it sucks. i really love him. and i'm pretty sure despite everything he loves me too. even when we met up that last time he's saying stuff like that, he's kinda tearing up, etc. it just comes down to like i feel like i don't have any standards for the people i call friends if i start hanging with him again. but he's probably the only dude i know that i just actually laugh with nonstop. he's been spiraling lately. ending all his friendships in toxic fashion, sleeping in his car to not be around roommates he's feuding with, getting arrested for the silliest public disturbance charge of all time. 

i say all this because i'm just really curious if you guys would be able to still be friends with a guy like this if you went through this situation? i've just been grappling with it for months. can't ask my friends because they either love him and love our dynamic and want that back in their lives or they can't stand the guy and say absolutely don't be his friend. obviously it's all what i feel, but i'm just curious how other people would move through it. 

anyone who read that essay and cares to respond, much love/appreciation lol 

What are you out by forgiving him since he acknowledged his mistakes? The only hesitation I would have is what type of influence or lifestyle he lives and could have on you.

[ramssuperbowl99]

@FinneasGage Hell no I wouldn't be friends with someone who abandons you when you need them most.

Hope your back is doing better.

[ramssuperbowl99]

6 minutes ago, MWil23 said:

What are you out by forgiving him since he acknowledged his mistakes? The only hesitation I would have is what type of influence or lifestyle he lives and could have on you.

Forgiving the guy and being friends with the guy are separate stances, and I don't think one impacts the other.

Even if you take the most favorable interpretation of his behavior, he felt guilty about his role in the accident, and rather than acknowledge any of that he buried it and abandoned Finneas in the process. Friends support friends when they're needed, and he doesn't sound capable.

As you say, you may as well be friendly with the guy, but I'd keep emotional distance.

Edited May 23 by ramssuperbowl99

[MWil23]

Just now, ramssuperbowl99 said:

Forgiving the guy and being friends with the guy are separate stances, and I don't think one impacts the other.

Even if you take the most favorable interpretation of his behavior, he felt guilty about his role in the accident, and rather than acknowledge any of that he buried it and abandoned Finneas in the process. Friends support friends when they're needed, and he doesn't sound capable.

No reason not to be cordial and friendly, but I'd keep a respectful distance.

Yeah for sure, I guess I’m not understanding what the question was in terms of forgiveness and reconciliation vs things going back to what they were.

However, I believe in exhausting the process and getting closure, which means having a hard conversation with him straight up saying “You bailed on me when I needed you, that’s the opposite of what friends do, and I’m not sure what you want from me” and putting that onus on him.

And my question to Finn was more to have him ask himself to see his initial gauge of what he wants.

[MWil23]

To be honest, I’m not a great person to ask. I’ve got like 3-5 friends and aside from faith being #1, that includes “bearing one another’s burdens” and being there. I can’t imagine any of them bailing. Loyalty is big for me, forgiveness is bigger, but agreed Rams that doesn’t mean you have to go back to how things were. That said, if he demonstrates effort, it might be worth keeping an open mind. Effort means actions, not just words. Talk is cheap.

[ramssuperbowl99]

1 minute ago, MWil23 said:

Yeah for sure, I guess I’m not understanding what the question was in terms of forgiveness and reconciliation vs things going back to what they were.

However, I believe in exhausting the process and getting closure, which means having a hard conversation with him straight up saying “You bailed on me when I needed you, that’s the opposite of what friends do, and I’m not sure what you want from me” and putting that onus on him.

And my question to Finn was more to have him ask himself to see his initial gauge of what he wants.

Totally agree, if having the hard conversation helps with forgiveness, then it's worth having the break up talk.

And to be fair I'm sensitive to stuff like this, so maybe not everyone else would be so cut and dry about it.

[FinneasGage]

3 minutes ago, ramssuperbowl99 said:

Forgiving the guy and being friends with the guy are separate stances, and I don't think one impacts the other.

Even if you take the most favorable interpretation of his behavior, he felt guilty about his role in the accident, and rather than acknowledge any of that he buried it and abandoned Finneas in the process. Friends support friends when they're needed, and he doesn't sound capable.

As you say, you may as well be friendly with the guy, but I'd keep emotional distance.

appreciate you both. that's kind of where i'm at with it. there's no hate. if i see him out, i'd probably just dap him up and keep it moving. i'm like annoyed i'm in the situation where i have to choose between standing on what i believe is the principles you need to expect outta all your homies or losing the homie who i have the best time with and has the same kind of taste in stuff as me (which i don't find a lot/hardly ever). and is a guy i do have a lotta love for and always will

[MWil23]

4 minutes ago, ramssuperbowl99 said:

Totally agree, if having the hard conversation helps with forgiveness, then it's worth having the break up talk.

Absolutely 

4 minutes ago, ramssuperbowl99 said:

And to be fair I'm sensitive to stuff like this, so maybe not everyone else would be so cut and dry about it.

I don’t want to pretend to know what you’ve gone through, but I can say with confidence that my mom and I are not close stemming from a remarriage and how she handled that. They met, talked, went on a date, and basically decided to get married within a month. I had a series of very uncomfortable conversations with her and said my piece. I love her, she loves me, we get along great with her husband, we just aren’t close anymore.

In hindsight, my only regret is that I didn’t say much for the first month. Yes I was caught off guard and trying to process a lot…and yes I wish I would have at least straight up said some blunt things, hopefully in love, explaining the fallout and finality.

The way she handled that situation, the most serious one of our lives, and her telling me “I am a parent, you are a kid” (I was 31) and then getting remarried and basically after that, you cant say anything because what’s done is done, means you can’t really return to the way things used to be. But, I still have regrets I didn’t say more and get closure before that chain of events from that conversation onward.