ET80 Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 1 minute ago, Matts4313 said: Thats true. Because I only got married due to the legal definition of rape. She came over when I was super drunk... and she pulled off the condom because it was a meal ticket. Here I am 15 years later still paying for that scam. Before or after the Eagles' fan? (Don't bark at the big dog, less you wanna get bit...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwny Posted August 19, 2020 Author Share Posted August 19, 2020 Just now, AFlaccoSeagulls said: I don't know where else to go to ask this question, but I have a situation I just wanted some neutral 3rd parties to weigh in on. My Fiancee (we've been together for 8 years, engaged for 1.5 and we've been living together for about 4 years now) wants to open a joint bank account and have us pool our money there, which at face value I can see the value in. However, currently I make a healthy amount of money and she makes almost nothing. Due to COVID, she hasn't been working and is in the process of quitting her job and restarting with her own business. I've basically been the sole-person bringing in income for the better part of 2 years now. She quit her first job a couple years ago (if you guys remember, I made a post about renting vs. buying, and that's around the time she quit her job and we bought a house), and since then she's been making basically minimum wage at this job while she transitions and gets her qualifications to start her new business. The reason I'm hesitant to pool our money is that right now I have a significant amount in savings, and I spend my money wisely and budget my money cautiously. My Fiancee has a little bit in savings right now (ALL of it is from the CARES Act), and normally she has a lot of credit card debt to pay off, but right now it's at zero. My fear is that if we pool our money together, the savings that I've worked hard to accumulate on my own will start to wither away and I don't trust her spending or saving habits at all. Furthermore, I see no reason why having our own separate accounts right now (we're able to quickly transfer money between us if we need to) isn't already working. Her argument is that it doesn't feel like we're "one" without a joint account and she doesn't feel like there's any reason not to join them together. Am I being unreasonable and selfish here? I have always argued for: joint checking account - used solely for shared expenses joint savings account - used solely for saving for shared items individual accounts - both checking and savings to do as you see fit 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matts4313 Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 1 minute ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said: I don't know where else to go to ask this question, but I have a situation I just wanted some neutral 3rd parties to weigh in on. My Fiancee (we've been together for 8 years, engaged for 1.5 and we've been living together for about 4 years now) wants to open a joint bank account and have us pool our money there, which at face value I can see the value in. However, currently I make a healthy amount of money and she makes almost nothing. Due to COVID, she hasn't been working and is in the process of quitting her job and restarting with her own business. I've basically been the sole-person bringing in income for the better part of 2 years now. She quit her first job a couple years ago (if you guys remember, I made a post about renting vs. buying, and that's around the time she quit her job and we bought a house), and since then she's been making basically minimum wage at this job while she transitions and gets her qualifications to start her new business. The reason I'm hesitant to pool our money is that right now I have a significant amount in savings, and I spend my money wisely and budget my money cautiously. My Fiancee has a little bit in savings right now (ALL of it is from the CARES Act), and normally she has a lot of credit card debt to pay off, but right now it's at zero. My fear is that if we pool our money together, the savings that I've worked hard to accumulate on my own will start to wither away and I don't trust her spending or saving habits at all. Furthermore, I see no reason why having our own separate accounts right now (we're able to quickly transfer money between us if we need to) isn't already working. Her argument is that it doesn't feel like we're "one" without a joint account and she doesn't feel like there's any reason not to join them together. Am I being unreasonable and selfish here? 1 minute ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said: Okay so Matts is disqualified from answering my question above LOL Love is trust. Share your concerns and if she loves you, she will respect them. Dont take the stupid crap I am saying in here at face value. If you dont believe in love, whats the point? I think after 8 years she has picked up on you being frugal. She probably loves that about you as she knows you will always make the right financial choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET80 Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 Just now, pwny said: I have always argued for: joint checking account - used solely for shared expenses joint savings account - used solely for saving for shared items individual accounts - both checking and savings to do as you see fit This is our breakdown as well... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matts4313 Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 3 minutes ago, ET80 said: Before or after the Eagles' fan? (Don't bark at the big dog, less you wanna get bit...) Ouch. But the Eagles fan got sloppy seconds. After her nips got chewed off. Might have been me. Might have been the kids. Ill never tell you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 3 minutes ago, pwny said: I have always argued for: joint checking account - used solely for shared expenses joint savings account - used solely for saving for shared items individual accounts - both checking and savings to do as you see fit Same setup for us. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFlaccoSeagulls Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Matts4313 said: Love is trust. Share your concerns and if she loves you, she will respect them. Dont take the stupid crap I am saying in here at face value. If you dont believe in love, whats the point? I think after 8 years she has picked up on you being frugal. She probably loves that about you as she knows you will always make the right financial choice. Well I'm not exactly frugal. I make enough money where if I want to buy a $200 lawn mower on a whim, I can do that and not think twice about it. On the other hand, she feels I put pressure on her to pay for things like dinner when we go out (which we rarely do, and even when we do it's even more rare I ask her to pay) and I put pressure on her to earn more and contribute more (which I do, considering that the ENTIRE reason for us moving and me buying this house was so that she could start over and make MORE than she was before and be happier. Now she's making almost $0 and it's been almost 2 years...) 3 minutes ago, ET80 said: This is our breakdown as well... How do you guys facilitate what goes into each account? Like if I receive X in income to my personal Checking, how do you determine what trickles into the joint accounts? EDIT: Not that it matters, but I should point out that I pay 100% of bills, 100% of groceries, 100% for large-ticket items (cars, etc.) and repairs. She contributes 33% to the mortgage and that's it. Edited August 19, 2020 by AFlaccoSeagulls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 6 minutes ago, ET80 said: Before or after the Eagles' fan? (Don't bark at the big dog, less you wanna get bit...) What’s this all about? Is there a story here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwny Posted August 19, 2020 Author Share Posted August 19, 2020 Just now, AFlaccoSeagulls said: How do you guys facilitate what goes into each account? Like if I receive X in income to my personal Checking, how do you determine what trickles into the joint accounts? You can set it up through your employer to have money go directly into more than one account. The joint account, you figure out what your shared expenses are, how you’re going to split the costs, and then just set it to direct deposit what you need into the joint account. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFlaccoSeagulls Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 Just now, pwny said: You can set it up through your employer to have money go directly into more than one account. The joint account, you figure out what your shared expenses are, how you’re going to split the costs, and then just set it to direct deposit what you need into the joint account. I feel like it would be easier to have my employer just deposit everything to me directly, then I can figure out a custom amount that I would then put into the joint account, and then have our shared expenses be pulled from there. I mean and like I said above, I pay all of our bills right now anyways so our shared expenses are really nothing. She can't pay the mortgage because she's not on the mortgage and that's the only thing we "split". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET80 Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 2 minutes ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said: How do you guys facilitate what goes into each account? Like if I receive X in income to my personal Checking, how do you determine what trickles into the joint accounts? EDIT: Not that it matters, but I should point out that I pay 100% of bills, 100% of groceries, 100% for large-ticket items (cars, etc.) and repairs. She contributes 33% to the mortgage and that's it. My situation is similar - I'm handling the brunt of the expenses, my wife just finished school and isn't quite pulling the same as I am. For now, we're just doing a flat $100 per pay period to individual accounts. I'm sure it'll get more intricate, but it's served us well. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 2 minutes ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said: Well I'm not exactly frugal. I make enough money where if I want to buy a $200 lawn mower on a whim, I can do that and not think twice about it. On the other hand, she feels I put pressure on her to pay for things like dinner when we go out (which we rarely do, and even when we do it's even more rare I ask her to pay) and I put pressure on her to earn more and contribute more (which I do, considering that the ENTIRE reason for us moving and me buying this house was so that she could start over and make MORE than she was before and be happier. Now she's making almost $0 and it's been almost 2 years...) How do you guys facilitate what goes into each account? Like if I receive X in income to my personal Checking, how do you determine what trickles into the joint accounts? We each get an “allowance” every pay period. That said, my wife and I make roughly the same amount, so it’s a different dynamic. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matts4313 Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 Just now, AFlaccoSeagulls said: Well I'm not exactly frugal. I make enough money where if I want to buy a $200 lawn mower on a whim, I can do that and not think twice about it. On the other hand, she feels I put pressure on her to pay for things like dinner when we go out (which we rarely do, and even when we do it's even more rare I ask her to pay) and I put pressure on her to earn more and contribute more (which I do, considering that the ENTIRE reason for us moving and me buying this house was so that she could start over and make MORE than she was before and be happier. Now she's making almost $0 and it's been almost 2 years...) How do you guys facilitate what goes into each account? Like if I receive X in income to my personal Checking, how do you determine what trickles into the joint accounts? She is insecure. That probably needs to be addressed. She might feel like you dont trust/respect her because of her wages. Thats clearly not the case, so just tell her that. I think this entire ordeal can be resolved by communication. As for separate accounts, she is going to find out how much you keep away from her. So its better to just get in front of that potential problem. But in the scenario you do go separate, you need to put in roughly 125% of expenses that are shared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dome Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 7 minutes ago, pwny said: I have always argued for: joint checking account - used solely for shared expenses joint savings account - used solely for saving for shared items individual accounts - both checking and savings to do as you see fit 6 minutes ago, ET80 said: This is our breakdown as well... 3 minutes ago, LETSGOBROWNIES said: Same setup for us. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matts4313 Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 5 minutes ago, LETSGOBROWNIES said: What’s this all about? Is there a story here? Its not exactly a state secret. My exwife and I used to game with Kilty (Eagles mod) and his boy. After we divorced, he started sleeping with her. He was FBI and trained in Dallas, she would drive up there. He is ugly as sin though, so her entire family made fun of her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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