What Are You Thinking About v.CC

[theJ]

21 minutes ago, pwny said:

I have always argued for:

joint checking account - used solely for shared expenses
joint savings account - used solely for saving for shared items 
individual accounts - both checking and savings to do as you see fit

Same here too.  Though our individual accounts are very small in comparison to the other two.  Like 0.1% of the total.  Bc we're rich (not).

 

@AFlaccoSeagulls however you have got a bigger problem.  Most marriages that end in divorce do so because of money problems.  AKA the spouses can't get on the same page with money.  You should probably address that first...

[LETSGOBROWNIES]

Just now, Dome said:

Could be walking into a  95mph heater with that one. lol

^^^^^
face first 

[N4L]

Just now, AFlaccoSeagulls said:

Her rationale is that having joint accounts feels like we're truly merging into "one" in terms of marriage and such.

That's not a good enough reason for me, personally. 

FYI I have been advocating for a joint account with my gf of 7 years for the last 2 years. My gf doesn't want to but is finally warming up to it. I make more than her but she is extremely responsible (someone in our relationship has to be! Lol) 

I think you just need to set clear boundaries. Say "I expect you to contribute X to this account or it won't work for me" then if it doesn't go right you can say that it wasn't working and that you said before you did it, that you needed X 

The fact you are asking advice from random strangers on the internet means that obviously you're having some doubts. 

[Matts4313]

1 minute ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said:

Right. I don't think I ever asked her what she thought the upside was for me.

Yeah I think this is it from her POV.

There is a 100% chance this convo ends with "sheet or get off the pot". She is going to want commitment. You can always have your check DD into your savings and then move some money over each month with an ACH.

[theJ]

4 minutes ago, pwny said:

I think a lot of it is symbolic. There’s this historic thing where people think that everything has to be shared, and I’m sure that aspect is playing into the mental aspect for her; that everything that’s supposed to be shared feels like it’s separate.

Social norms are hard to work around when they’re engrained in you.

Maybe.  As a married individual myself though, having completely separate accounts and trying to share expenses would just be aggravating and stressful.  My wife and I are in complete agreement on our monthly budget though.

Plus, whether your accounts are separate or not, the law may not really see it that way.  So you can keep them separate, but are they really?

[LETSGOBROWNIES]

1 minute ago, theJ said:

Same here too.  Though our individual accounts are very small in comparison to the other two.  Like 0.1% of the total.  Bc we're rich (not).

 

@AFlaccoSeagulls however you have got a bigger problem.  Most marriages that end in divorce do so because of money problems.  AKA the spouses can't get on the same page with money.  You should probably address that first...

Yeah man, easy to have resentment when financial decisions are made 50/50, but the income doesn’t reflect that.

Either she’s “spending all your money” or she “has no say in things”.

[ramssuperbowl99]

2 minutes ago, Matts4313 said:

Even though you are a big dumb dumb, you are right in this regard. It is a symbolic gesture that you trust someone else with your money. 

tbh I'd never want one shared account unless there were also separate accounts that were private, just in someone needed to get away from the other person for whatever reason. 

[pwny]

I think another big part of it might be that she feels like the money is a limiting factor in what she can and can’t do for the relationship. Like historically the man makes the money and then the woman takes the money and stocks the kitchen full of groceries and buys the cleaning products and all that ****. And if she’s really relying on you to do all of that while she’s behind financially, it can feel kinda ****ty that to her that she’s not contributing in any meaningful way. She can’t make enough money to do anything, and then she can’t even go by herself to get the groceries; you’re facilitating not only the money, but the action economy in every way. 

[Dome]

3 minutes ago, theJ said:

Plus, whether your accounts are separate or not, the law may not really see it that way.  So you can keep them separate, but are they really?

I don't think people are really talking about having things split to make a divorce tidy.

[Matts4313]

5 minutes ago, pwny said:

I think another big part of it might be that she feels like the money is a limiting factor in what she can and can’t do for the relationship. Like historically the man makes the money and then the woman takes the money and stocks the kitchen full of groceries and buys the cleaning products and all that ****. And if she’s really relying on you to do all of that while she’s behind financially, it can feel kinda ****ty that to her that she’s not contributing in any meaningful way. She can’t make enough money to do anything, and then she can’t even go by herself to get the groceries; you’re facilitating not only the money, but the action economy in every way. 

Damn pwny is so sexist its unreal. So now its not only men cant be raped, but they cant cook or clean either. WTH. Its 2020, stop being a fascist. 

(again, I dont mean any of this)

Edited August 19, 2020 by Matts4313

[pwny]

3 minutes ago, theJ said:

Plus, whether your accounts are separate or not, the law may not really see it that way.  So you can keep them separate, but are they really?

I mean if they’re a joint account, at any moment either party can go and just empty the entire account and walk away from the relationship and leave the other party with absolutely nothing and literally no means to do anything. If you have your own individual account, that money isn’t touchable except maybe through the courts, and even then it’s never going to be the whole.

[Matts4313]

Just now, Dome said:

5 minutes ago, theJ said:

Plus, whether your accounts are separate or not, the law may not really see it that way.  So you can keep them separate, but are they really?

I don't think people are really talking about having things split to make a divorce tidy.

He does have a point tho. Unless there is a prenup that money is shared anyways. Hell, if theyve been together for 8 years and I presume living together there is a solid chance they are common law married already and she had dibs on his savings. 

Not saying she would go after that, because people have morals. But she might be legally entitled. 

[Fl0nkerton]

thinking about how I used to like coming to this forum lol

[Matts4313]

2 minutes ago, pwny said:

I mean if they’re a joint account, at any moment either party can go and just empty the entire account and walk away from the relationship and leave the other party with absolutely nothing and literally no means to do anything. If you have your own individual account, that money isn’t touchable except maybe through the courts, and even then it’s never going to be the whole.

None of this is true. First off all, the judge will provide recourse if you empty an account. Secondly, unless there is a prenup, that money is both parties. 

Dont spit facts when you dont know what you are talking about. 

[theJ]

2 minutes ago, pwny said:

I mean if they’re a joint account, at any moment either party can go and just empty the entire account and walk away from the relationship and leave the other party with absolutely nothing and literally no means to do anything. If you have your own individual account, that money isn’t touchable except maybe through the courts, and even then it’s never going to be the whole.

That's a good point.

But man, they're getting married.  I guess maybe i'm old fashioned compared to the people posting in this thread.  But i can't imagine being reluctant to share money with my spouse because i was afraid they were going to run away.  If i had that kind of thought, i probably wouldn't get married in the first place.