AFlaccoSeagulls Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 1 minute ago, Matts4313 said: She is insecure. That probably needs to be addressed. She might feel like you dont trust/respect her because of her wages. Thats clearly not the case, so just tell her that. I think this entire ordeal can be resolved by communication. As for separate accounts, she is going to find out how much you keep away from her. So its better to just get in front of that potential problem. But in the scenario you do go separate, you need to put in roughly 125% of expenses that are shared. I should also say, we've talked about this. We talked last night. I just wanted an outside, neutral opinion. She also knows what my bank account looks like, I'm very open about it with her and we're both very open about our expenses and savings and such. 2 minutes ago, ET80 said: My situation is similar - I'm handling the brunt of the expenses, my wife just finished school and isn't quite pulling the same as I am. For now, we're just doing a flat $100 per pay period to individual accounts. I'm sure it'll get more intricate, but it's served us well. So you get DD from your employer then just transfer $100 flat into the joint checking? 2 minutes ago, LETSGOBROWNIES said: We each get an “allowance” every pay period. That said, my wife and I make roughly the same amount, so it’s a different dynamic. Yeah that sounds about right. Eventually when her wages catch up to mine none of this will be an issue, but I feel like right now I don't personally stand to gain at all from having a joint account. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwny Posted August 19, 2020 Author Share Posted August 19, 2020 Just now, AFlaccoSeagulls said: I feel like it would be easier to have my employer just deposit everything to me directly, then I can figure out a custom amount that I would then put into the joint account, and then have our shared expenses be pulled from there. I mean and like I said above, I pay all of our bills right now anyways so our shared expenses are really nothing. She can't pay the mortgage because she's not on the mortgage and that's the only thing we "split". I mean you can do that, but most banks are going to charge you a maintenance fee if you’re not direct depositing ~$500 a month into the account. And even if you pay all the bills, they’re still shared expenses. Mortgage, joint cell phone bill, electricity, internet, groceries, a payment on an appliance, etc. that’s all stuff you should treat as shared, whether you’re actually sharing in paying for it or not. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N4L Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 I agree with pwny, don't get a joint credit card where she could buy things that you may not want/need Joint checking limits your liability. Worst she could do is spend the money that is in there Also agree with him about direct deposit. DO NOT have your pay checks go into that account when she doesn't have income. Just transfer some small amount of money per month for house expenses, and INSIST that she matches every month. If you both contribute the same every month, then any purchases out of the account are already split up. If she doesn't contribute the same amount, then you need to explain that this basically her just buying things with your money, and that you aren't down with that. If she insists for emotional reasons 'how can I be the one without your money in my pocket?' then that to me would be a red flag. How is it gonna be when you get married then? Tough, but you gotta draw the line somewhere imo 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 1 minute ago, Matts4313 said: Its not exactly a state secret. My exwife and I used to game with Kilty (Eagles mod) and his boy. After we divorced, he started sleeping with her. He was FBI and trained in Dallas, she would drive up there. He is ugly as sin though, so her entire family made fun of her. That’s incredibly honest. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFlaccoSeagulls Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 Just now, pwny said: I mean you can do that, but most banks are going to charge you a maintenance fee if you’re not direct depositing ~$500 a month into the account. And even if you pay all the bills, they’re still shared expenses. Mortgage, joint cell phone bill, electricity, internet, groceries, a payment on an appliance, etc. that’s all stuff you should treat as shared, whether you’re actually sharing in paying for it or not. Yeah that's a good point. I'd have to check with my Credit Union to see what type of account wouldn't have a maintenance fee tied to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 2 minutes ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said: Yeah that sounds about right. Eventually when her wages catch up to mine none of this will be an issue, but I feel like right now I don't personally stand to gain at all from having a joint account. I’m not seeing the upside for you, but maybe she can explain her rationale? 🤷♂️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 Tip of the cap to folks who can make a relationship work when there’s a huge income gap, I’m not sure I could. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFlaccoSeagulls Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 1 minute ago, LETSGOBROWNIES said: I’m not seeing the upside for you, but maybe she can explain her rationale? 🤷♂️ Her rationale is that having joint accounts feels like we're truly merging into "one" in terms of marriage and such. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 Just now, AFlaccoSeagulls said: Her rationale is that having joint accounts feels like we're truly merging into "one" in terms of marriage and such. Oof, yeah, idk man. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dome Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 1 minute ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said: Her rationale is that having joint accounts feels like we're truly merging into "one" in terms of marriage and such. Which is an upside for her, but not for you. Setting aside emotions and all that. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwny Posted August 19, 2020 Author Share Posted August 19, 2020 Just now, LETSGOBROWNIES said: I’m not seeing the upside for you, but maybe she can explain her rationale? 🤷♂️ I think a lot of it is symbolic. There’s this historic thing where people think that everything has to be shared, and I’m sure that aspect is playing into the mental aspect for her; that everything that’s supposed to be shared feels like it’s separate. Social norms are hard to work around when they’re engrained in you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matts4313 Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 2 minutes ago, AFlaccoSeagulls said: Her rationale is that having joint accounts feels like we're truly merging into "one" in terms of marriage and such. She isnt completely wrong here. She kinda has a point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matts4313 Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 1 minute ago, pwny said: I think a lot of it is symbolic. There’s this historic thing where people think that everything has to be shared, and I’m sure that aspect is playing into the mental aspect for her; that everything that’s supposed to be shared feels like it’s separate. Social norms are hard to work around when they’re engrained in you. Even though you are a big dumb dumb, you are right in this regard. It is a symbolic gesture that you trust someone else with your money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFlaccoSeagulls Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 1 minute ago, Dome said: Which is an upside for her, but not for you. Setting aside emotions and all that. Right. I don't think I ever asked her what she thought the upside was for me. 1 minute ago, pwny said: I think a lot of it is symbolic. There’s this historic thing where people think that everything has to be shared, and I’m sure that aspect is playing into the mental aspect for her; that everything that’s supposed to be shared feels like it’s separate. Social norms are hard to work around when they’re engrained in you. Yeah I think this is it from her POV. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dome Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 Just now, AFlaccoSeagulls said: I don't think I ever asked her what she thought the upside was for me. Could be walking into a 95mph heater with that one. lol 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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