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BDL Discussion Thread 2021

Jlash

By Jlash
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pheltzbahr

pheltzbahr

Posted
Posted

Tertiary Verbatim.

OFFENSE

 

We come out in our 3 Wide 1 TE 1 RB base.   With Matt Stafford enjoying a great season so far (+128.2 on the Gruden scale - currently 3rd in his Y Banana of the Year category), we will look to utilize his accuracy spreading the ball to our bevy of weapons.  D. Thomas (+96 in the height category) will look to overwhelm Jalen Ramsey (-41 in NFL experience scale - tied for last with all other rookies) on jump balls and designed screens.  Jarvis Landry (+99.69 on the dominating targets of your team metric) should be able to find room to separate from James Bradberry (+451 on the Burnt scale, 93rd out of 96 eligible slices of toast) and help move the chains.  Tyler Eifert has soared in games not missed (GNM) since returning from injury and will be Staffords first read in the Red Zone (RZ), where no one in the Orlando secondary can match his Slaytic minus BS algo.

 

Demarco Murray and Derrick Henry will continue to provide balance and wear out our opponent; they have the highest combined Punishment Distribution Ratio of any BDL RB tandem (6.2 Levellings/Game).  Along with their incredible thigh gap to neck metric of -9.2 and -11.4 respectively, they should run wild against Donkey Kong Suh (+481 Bleeding Vagina Scale) and friends.  Well, he has no friends except Kingston Hawke (+Infinity DBag rating).

 

TLDR - You didnt read it, but it was stone cold logic, trust me

 

DEFENSE 

 

As one sided as our offense is matching up against the AssSprays, the defensive matchup is beyond silly.  We expect a heavy dose of David Johnson with his impressive High Butt Plateau Measurement (+6.8cm above coccyx), but our guys up front can gain penetration based on the Orlando O lineman average leg bend (12.9 degrees - poor by NFL, let alone BDL, standards).

 

With the run game neutralized, we can get after Russ, whose Non-Linear Acceleration/Anal Sublimation number has fallen 82% from last year, to a horrific .86 seconds/parts per million.  For perspective, the only qualifying QB that scored lower is Tom Brady during the month of September.  Thanks Goodell!

 

With the game obviously lopsided already, we get to our secondary, the strength of our stop unit.  Sporting a 93% Average Shutdown Rate, not to mention their unprecedented Troll Composite Proportion (through 7 games) of Wraith squared, our corners are without comparison.  Against a wideout corps featuring Alshon Jeffrey and his team high (Skill players only) 6.3/1 sandwich to salad consumption rate, Orlando will be lucky to get one first down before the game is already won.

 

TLDR - All statistics are objectively irrefutable, I challenge you to find evidence otherwise;  I do this for a living

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EaglesPeteC

EaglesPeteC

Posted
Posted

One week until the season! Now seems like a good time to flood the thread with every hype piece I can for all my players. 
 

From the Philly Voice: “How good can Jordan Mailata be?” 
 

“For the most part, I watched every snap from the 2020 season from those 16 players above. The most fun player to watch was Mailata, and one of the reasons why was because when you watch his 2020 season chronologically, you can see how his confidence grew as the year progressed, and he just got better and better. If you were to check out any of the above player reviews because you want to feel good about a player going forward, I would read Mailata's.

For you lazy folks, the Cliff's Notes are as follows:

 

  1. In pass protection, he was a brick wall against power. Edge rushers who rely on power to get to the quarterback just aren't going to be very effective against him. However, Mailata did struggle at times with speed guys, and he did lead Eagles offensive linemen last season with 7 sacks allowed, though it should be noted that he also led the team's offensive tackles in snaps played.
  2. In the run game, he was a bully. If he had a chance to mash someone into the ground, he did it. Mailata may appear all nice and fun in his interviews, but there is definitely a mean streak to his game when he has a chance to put his pure size and power to good use. Some guys are big, but don't play that way. Mailata does. There are some technical things to clean up, but there is no question that he can move defenders against their will.

 

We reviewed him in April. Since then, Mailata has come out and had by far his best training camp of his career. He lost a significant amount weight, and should be better equipped to handle the types of speed rushers that he struggled with in 2020.

I don't want to go as far as to say that he'll be "elite," but I do think that he is poised to become a well above average starting LT in 2021, and we'll see if he can continue to get better.” 
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