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The Amazing Race Game Thread

bcb1213

By bcb1213
in This aint sports talk!

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ET80

ET80

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, bcb1213 said:

meat, fruit, filling.  your choice of pie really

Let me tell you something about pies, @Dome.

Once - when I was a strapping young lad - I was out with Puthax, my brother from another mother. We had just left a house party and were going to downtown to drink more. We parked by the sidewalk and we're getting ready to go to a bar when a car with some HOT women drove by - let me tell you, these chicks were HOT LAVA, just straight 119 octane HOT LAVA.

Puthax liked to think of himself as a ladies man, so he decided to walk up to the car and talk to the ladies. Puthax had been drinking 151 all night, so his coordination was off to the left, relatively speaking. He walked up to this car, didn't realize he was close to the end of the sidewalk and BAM! He fell, face first into the ground - just SMACK, forehead first. Me, being the friend that I am - I started laughing, hysterically.

So, now - not only is Puthax drunk, but he's probably nursing a concussion at this point. About 10 years later in life he had a situation with a detached retina - wouldn't be surprised if that was related. We make our way into the bar (Puthax sporting a fat lip and huge gash across his nose) and he immediately goes into a sob story about how he was beat up by some cops. I shrug my shoulders - if that's the story for the night, I'll play wingman to it. 

Night wraps up, we leave. Puthax is still concussed and drunk (retina is still attached, I think) and we start walking to Amiskizoni's apartment (his parents were stupid rich) when we see two cops patrolling the area. "It's THEM!" Puthax screams. The concussion and 151 somehow worked in his brain to convince him his sob story was true; Falling off the curb was now merely a circumstance out in the abyss of factual stories. Puthax is now a steady stream of profanity and belligerence, all directed towards two police officers.

I immediately sober up and realize the situation we're in. We're about to get arrested. Puthax was maybe a month or so away from turning 21, so that's a charge. Public Intoxication, Disorderly Conduct - all on the table. The cops immediately hear the ruckus and start making their way towards us. "Hey, stop right there," Cop A says.

"Officer, I'm sorry - my friend got beat up, I'm taking him back to our apartment," I say, stammering the whole time. 

"Let me see some ID." Is the response. I produce my ID in record time. Puthax? Notsomuch. "I ain't got an ID! What the **** you gonna do about it, my cousin is HPD!" he screams (His cousin WAS HPD, and it did get him out of trouble before, but now wasn't the time). Cop B is not amused.

Thinking quickly, I grabbed Puthax. "Let ME GO DUDE!" he screams as I grab his wallet. The cops are now merely amused while I fumble through a dozen receipts (Puthax kept good records, I'll give him that) and showed his ID. Cop B takes a look at it. "Your buddy is bleeding" Cop B observes. "YEAH, TRY THAT AGA..."

I immediately grab Puthax and cover his mouth. "I'm sorry officer, he got into a fight at a bar, I'm just trying to get him home," I plead. "We're going home, we're just going home, his cousin is HPD..." (Worth a shot, right?)

Cop A is clearly not amused, but Cop B seems to understand. "Get him out of here, if we see you out, you're going to jail," Cop B deadpans as he gave us back our IDs. I thank him profusely, keep both IDs and take Puthax back to the apartment. I plop Puthax on the couch, and give him some ice for his lip. It's there that I see a half eaten Pecan Pie.

I ate the pie and pondered my next step. "Maybe I should set his foot on fire..." I think while I eat my 3rd slice.

Back to you, @bcb1213.

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Dome

Dome

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, ET80 said:

Let me tell you something about pies, @Dome.

Once - when I was a strapping young lad - I was out with Puthax, my brother from another mother. We had just left a house party and were going to downtown to drink more. We parked by the sidewalk and we're getting ready to go to a bar when a car with some HOT women drove by - let me tell you, these chicks were HOT LAVA, just straight 119 octane HOT LAVA.

Puthax liked to think of himself as a ladies man, so he decided to walk up to the car and talk to the ladies. Puthax had been drinking 151 all night, so his coordination was off to the left, relatively speaking. He walked up to this car, didn't realize he was close to the end of the sidewalk and BAM! He fell, face first into the ground - just SMACK, forehead first. Me, being the friend that I am - I started laughing, hysterically.

So, now - not only is Puthax drunk, but he's probably nursing a concussion at this point. About 10 years later in life he had a situation with a detached retina - wouldn't be surprised if that was related. We make our way into the bar (Puthax sporting a fat lip and huge gash across his nose) and he immediately goes into a single story about how he was beat up by some cops. I shrug my shoulders - if that's the story for the night, I'll play wingman to it. 

Night wraps up, we leave. Puthax is still concussed and drunk (retina is still attached, I think) and we start walking to Amiskizoni's apartment (his parents were stupid rich) when we see two cops patrolling the area. "It's THEM!" Puthax screams. The concussion and 151 somehow worked in his brain to convince him his sob story was true; Falling off the curb was now merely a circumstance out in the ether.

I immediately sober up and realize the situation we're in. We're about to get arrested. Puthax was maybe a month or so away from turning 21, so that's a charge. Public Intoxication, Disorderly Conduct - all on the table. The cops immediately hear the ruckus and start making their way towards us. "Hey, stop right there," Cop A says.

"Officer, I'm sorry - my friend got beat up, I'm taking him back to our apartment," I say, stammering the whole time. 

"Let me see some ID." Is the response. I produce my ID in record time. Puthax? Notsomuch. "I ain't got an ID! What the **** you gonna do about it, my cousin is HPD!" he screams (His cousin WAS HPD, and it did get him out of trouble before, but now wasn't the time). Cop B is not amused.

Thinking quickly, I grabbed Puthax. "Let ME GO DUDE!" he screams as I grab his wallet. The cops are now merely amused while I fumble through a dozen receipts (Puthax kept good records, I'll give him that) and showed his ID. Cop B takes a look at it. "Your buddy is bleeding up," Cop B observes. "YEAH, TRY THAT AGA..."

I immediately grab Puthax and cover his mouth. "I'm sorry officer, he got into a fight at a bar, I'm just trying to get him home," I plead. "We're going home, we're just going home, his cousin is HPD..." (Worth a shot, right?)

Cop A is clearly not amused, but Cop B seems to understand. "Get him out of here, if we see you out, you're going to jail," Cop B deadpans as he gave us back our IDs. I thank him profusely, keep both IDs and take Puthax back to the apartment. I plop Puthax on the couch, and give him some ice for his lip. It's there that I see a half eaten Pecan Pie.

I ate the pie and pondered my next step. "Maybe I should set his foot on fire..." I think while I eat my 3rd slice.

Back to you, @bcb1213.

My favorite part was the part about the huge gash. 

Back to you @bcb1213

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ET80

ET80

Posted
Posted
Just now, bcb1213 said:

as someone who had a detached retina as a child, i understand his pain,   However, our sponsor Sara Lee has no idea what this had to do with pies.

back to you

@ET80

Post credit scene - I did take a lighter to Puthax's big toe. He woke up, screamed bloody murder, then passed out.

Back to you, @Dome.

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