Jump to content
Malfatron

FF Big Big Brother 8: Evict touch or pickle by Saturday 10:30 AM cst

Recommended Posts

Idk about these guest judges considering the only people with a sense of humor on this site are playing in the competition 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's time to introduce our esteemed celebrity judges

 

First up, the man (?), the myth, the legend....the Tom Brady of mafia, and the coiner of  mafia terminology that many of the people in the game copy incessantly.

ergo, it follows the he is a connoisseur of humor.

It's @SwAg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

      Next up, you may remember him from such threads as "what are you eating", the "ripping on tyty" thread, and general tom****ery, it's everyone best pal @Dome. He's got his hand in the inner bowels of FF, and he's got your life in his hands in this  veto comp as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Next up, you may not remember him from such games as Big Brother, where he was the first one eliminated, but he knows how to spin a gif.

Please welcome, our favorite mammal, @The Orca!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The next guest needs no introduction, but he made me give him one anyway.

Introducing, the Big Brother GOAT, The best there was, the best there is, and the best there ever will be @JBURGE "the hitman" Burge.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Judge two is sexy 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Before we get to the results, let's see the submissions.

 

@ET80

So, let me tell you about the time Puthax nearly got us arrested because he drank too much 151 and got a concussion...

So, out story starts off with a salad. And by salad... I mean house party. 20 year old Puthax is there, along with a young, strapping 21 year old me. I am  getting my drink on and talking to a co-ed who is a dance major and VERY flexible (apparently) but Puthax - ever worried that his fake ID will get turned away when we go out - is drinking as many 151 and Cokes as he can (about 8-9 of them, each with more 151 than the last).

So, Sun arrives to pick our heroes up (Sun doesn't drink, but he partakes in other substances - he hadn't partaken yet, but he will once they get back to Amitzki's place in Downtown). Puthax is HAMMERED at this point, so what better way to keep the night going than by drunkenly flirting with girls at a bar? Ironclad plan, absolutely no way this will go sideways.

So, our party get to Downtown, and Puthax gets out of the car. He checks his hair (his hair is probably his most valued possession, no lie) and pulls out his pack of cigarettes to smoke, when he sees a car full of girls, and one is smoking a cigarette (if she smokes, she pokes - that's what my mom told me back in those days). Puthax sees an opportunity to get this night started immediately, so he runs straight towards their car. "HEY GIRL! HEY GIRL, YOU GOTTA LIGHT!?" he screams as he runs from the sidewalk towards the street.

*Record Scratch, pause*

I think it's important I tell you about the architecture of the roads and sidewalks of Downtown. It's... unique. There's about a 1.5 foot drop from the curb/sidewalk to the street, so if you're really drunk on 151 and got pooty tang on the mind - much like our friend, Puthax - the drop could be difficult to navigate.

Ok, back to the story in 3...2...

"...WAS YO NAME GIRL!?" Puthax continues to scream as his foot approaches the drop. "WHERE YOU GOI....AHHHH!!!" accompanied by a "thud", the same sort of thud that is made when face hits street at about 6.2 MPH. 

"Bahahaha!!!" goes Sun, who had been watching the whole thing play out. Sun wasn't exactly someone who could feel empathy, so he did what he does in these situations... laughed. I wasn't paying attention, I was on his Nokia 3210 trying to find out where to go next; The belly laugh from Sun let him know something was afoot (or in this case - aface). Puthax struggled to get back onto his feet, much like how Saints RB was after Sheldon Brown blew him up on a swing pass:

giphy.gif

...Yeah, like this. 

So, I run to check on our friend. The street won the fight, Puthax had some scuffs on his face - a pretty bad gash on the bridge of his nose and what was looking like a developing black eye. Being the great friend that I am (and NOT upset that he completely swung and missed with the flexy/bendy UT co-ed) brushed off the debris from Puthax and asked "Hey, c'mon ...you ok, we gotta go ..." Puthax was a trooper in that moment; He looked around, dazed - quickly asked "where are we?" and then instinctively followed me. Nobody knew he had a concussion, but... yeah, in hindsight, he probably did. 

So, we get to Cabo's and Puthax is now showing full signs of something not being right. He's mumbling to himself and talking to people about some fight he got into with some cops. Ok, cover story - guy has some bruises and cuts on his face, so a cover story doesn't hurt. Fighting cops is a bit of overkill, but hey - I guess so, right? Puthax's cousin is a cop, and he tries to drop that in every single conversation he has. (It's gotten him out of some serious trouble before...) No harm, no foul - he got beat up by cops, sure.

Sun leaves early to go to Amitzki's to partake in other substances, and the night is winding down to another failure for me (once he gets those frosted tips and works on his negging game, I will win the night, I tell you). I wrangle Puthax up, as he's mumbling to a group of friends while smoking a cigarette on the wrong end. "Let's go to Amitzki's, he's got food and stuff," I say to Puthax, and Puthax concussively complies...

As our heroes walk to Amitzki's place a few blocks away, Puthax sees two cops standing on a corner. "It's them..." Puthax says, with steely resolve. "Hey! HEY! **** YOU! THINK YOU CAN FIGHT ME, **** YOU!"

At this moment, I immediately sober up. The situation has taken a turn - between the concussion and the 151 (along with a few tequila shots - because I ain't doing shots alone!) Puthax has convinced himself that the cover story is what really happened, and that these two random cops are the ones who fought him. And now, he's screaming for a rematch.

"Hey, you two," Cop A asks us. "What's going on?" I am flummoxed. "Officer, I'm so sorry - my cousin, he got drunk and got into a fight, I'm just trying to take him home," I stammered. "YEAH, YOU AIN'T GONNA DO ****!" Puthax follows up, ever so eloquently. "Ok, you need to get your friend to shut up, can we see his ID?" Cop B asks. "I AIN'T GOT AN ID, WHAT THE **** YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT!?" Puthax yells back. "Ok, ok, ok, let me get it from him," I nervously negotiate as I work around Puthax, like a lion tamer tries to pry a steak out of a lion's mouth. I throw a quick shove/jab at Puthax, gets his wallet and immediately gives the ID to Cop A - forever known as the cooler cop. Cop A takes a look at the ID as Puthax strategically plans his next move. "GIMMIE my ******* WALLET back!" Puthax bellows, but before he can take action, Cop B - forever known as paranoid cop who probably shot somebody by now - screams "UP AGAINST THE WALL NOW!", grabs Puthax by the collar and slams him up against the wall. "NO, NO, NONONO, WHOA!" I yell, while Cop A quickly intervenes "Hey, hey chill out! Your boy needs to chill out!" Cop A yells. "OK, OK, HE'LL CHILL OUT!" I yell back. "MY COUSIN'S A COP! MY COUSIN'S A COP!!!!" Puthax yells at the top of his lungs, his only viable defense mechanism at this point. Vomiting would have only made the situation worse...

"Hey, hey, let him go" Cop A says, as he hands me the wallet and pulls me in. "We SHOULD arrest you for public intoxication and disturbance, but get him out of here NOW."

"If I see you pricks out again tonight, I'm arresting BOTH of you, you hear me!? Now GO!" Cop B screams. "Ok, yeah, thank you officer..." I say as I collect Puthax to cross street. Puthax - seemingly unaffected - asks "where are we?". 

Within the next 10 or so minutes, we find our heroes at Amitzki's apartment. Puthax immediately lays down on the couch. I - haggered and hungry - goes to raid the fridge and grabs a beer. Before I begin to consume the beer, I look over at Puthax - the wound to his nose is starting to coagulate, the left eye is starting to turn a shade of purple - outside of that, Puthax looks at peace, like a warrior returned from the battlegrounds, sufficient in surviving the wild. This ...angers me.

I take my lighter and sparks it up by Puthax's foot. The flame sits on his toe for a brief second before Puthax reacts with a very loud "OW, WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING!?"

What the **** AM I doing. What the **** indeed.

 

@mission27

A is for *******,

That’s what TLO is

he likes to write poems

about a dogs **zz

 

B is for big league,

like missions demeanor

the MoL knows

theres no in betweeners

 

c is for **********,

as in a slugger

in all of sports

there ain’t nothin smugger

 

d is for degenerate,

who are you calling one?

mission blows all his money 

on girls who are dumb 

 

e is for erection,

thats what one gets

when watching waino

throw his curveball at Betts

 

F is for family,

thats what the MoL is

theres no bond like smugness

Even that passed through **zz

 

G is for George,

luis costanza,

a hero to TLo

a smugness bonanza 

 

H is for history,

which the MoL make,

all that they want 

is theirs to take

 

I is for I,

the smuggest pronoun,

aussies ****,

have worldwide renown

 

J is for JDI,

what a slogan,

it makes you feel,

like Holgan

 

K is for King,

Which the MoL are,

kings for a day,

or a lifetime by far

 

L is for loser,

let’s be honest,

thats the rest of FF,

to be honest

 

M is for mission,

the mission of law,

who know smugness

is no character flaw

 

N is for Nelson,

which is a smug name 

just like the MoL

will find fame

 

O is for O ****,

the MoL rocks

they are studs

with big *****

 

p is for *****;

whcih the MOL gets

mission is getting drunk now

thats a sure bet

 

Q is for queer

like jburge

not that there’s anything wrong with that

im not advocating for a purge

 

r is for rampage 

whcih TLO went on

when that fatty cut him off 

and drove on his lawn

 

S is for smugness 

I mean what else

theres nothing better

than loving oneself

 

t is for TLo

hes smug as a goat 

and he isn’t fat

he can totally float

 

u is for um

what the ****

why is MOL

testing their luck

 

v is for vagina

which Ipwn has

but not a tight one

its lose as a hags

 

w is for wow

the MoL is great

i really wish

i was their mate

 

x is for xxx

thats how the MoL is

they like to talk

about dog **zz

 

y is for yes

as in **** yes

tlo blew it

with reb, the best

 

z is a ****ty letter

i wont engage

with an hoh 

that shows my age

 

 

@bcb1213

A guy is walking along the beach, when he sees a woman with no arms and no legs lying on the sand, crying.
He walks over to her and asks what's wrong. 
"I've never been hugged before" she says. 
Thinking this is a simple enough request, the man hugs her.
She soon starts crying again. He again asks what's wrong, and she replies, "I've never been kissed before." 
The man again complies with her wishes and gives her a romantic kiss.
She starts crying again, and the man, slightly irritated, asks what's her problem. 
"I've never been screwed before" she says.
So he picks her up and throws her in the ocean and says, "There, now you're screwed."

 

@theuntouchable

What celebrity is ALWAYS ready for cereal? 

Reese WITherSPOON

 

AstonishingRingedAmericanbulldog-small.g

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

Note, the points is from most to least funniest.  4 is best, 1 is worst.

Let's first check with Judge 1: @SwAg

 

Entry 1 (ET80):  4 

Entry 2 (mission):  3

Entry 3 (bcb):  2

Entry 4( touch) :  1

comments: crazy how the inverse actually worked out.  The last one should probably just give up.

Edited by Malfatron

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mission has an unhealthy obsession with tlo by the looks of that 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

now judge 2: @Dome

entry 3: bcb - 4

comment: I bet her name was Bobbi.

entry 4: touch - 3

comment:
Did you hear about that actress that got stabbed?

 NO?! WHO?!

Reese... uh.. uh..... uhh.....

WITHERSPOON?!?!?!

No. With a knife.

entry 1: et80 - 2

comments

 i heard this story a few times. Would've been much funnier had I been able to transport back in time and hit it fresh. That's just bad luck for ol' ET. 

entry 2: mission - 1

Luckily mission is rich and handsome, and won't need to rely on his humor or poetry to make a living. 

 

scores so far:

et80 - 6

bcb - 6

touch - 4

mission - 4

 

2 more judges to go

Edited by Malfatron

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



×