vikesfan89 Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 On 9/7/2019 at 11:34 PM, Malfatron said: better to just stay together forever and avoid that situation. Just never get in a relationship in the first place 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mega Ron Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 On 07/09/2019 at 9:54 PM, Heimdallr said: Is it better to break up with someone at their place, or yours? At your place, they can leave whenever they want, and never have to come back or revisit bad memories. At their place, they are more comfortable, you can leave whenever you want, and they don't need to travel afterwards. That's what text messages are for. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaguarCrazy2832 Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 On 9/7/2019 at 4:54 PM, Heimdallr said: Is it better to break up with someone at their place, or yours? At your place, they can leave whenever they want, and never have to come back or revisit bad memories. At their place, they are more comfortable, you can leave whenever you want, and they don't need to travel afterwards. Definitely their place if you value your stuff at all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
49ersfan Posted September 26, 2019 Share Posted September 26, 2019 So a mutual friend recently started bringing her other friend into our social circle and we've hung out a few times in the last couple of months. At least in our circle, i was one of the first people she met and we got along well. The mutual friend that introduced us was talking to her about me the other day and that i'm a really nice guy, the girl i'm interested in said she's right and i'm one of her first friends in the group, and she enjoys spending time with all of us. I’m really awful at picking up and mis-interpreting signals (I do almost all my dating online) so please tell me if she is showing interest or just being friendly -I joked to her that i feel like i'm 50, she said if so i look good for a 50 year old -She has talked about going back to her college town and said we could go hiking there because there's good trails (we were talking about hiking/nature before). She also asked the mutual friend to go to a cemetary on Friday the 13th, the mutual is trying to set us up so she told her to ask me, so then she was asking me to join her. I couldn't go because i had plans and i wasnt entirely sure if it was a joke or not -In the beginning she had a bf and would bring him up, however recently she was talking about tv shows and said she watched one on the recommendation of her ex but didn't like it (her ex...aka she's single) -She does tend to tease me a lot, eg i'll show her an old pic of me and she'll say "you were so adorable...i don't know what happened to you now". One time i was giving dating advice to another guy and she walked by and said "don't listen to him, ask me if you need any advice". When we're with groups of other guys she'll also tease only me, like at a resto she made a joke with the waiter that it was my birthday, tease only me but not the other guys, etc -Another female friend in the group was saying i should date a chinese girl (because i love chinese food a lot) and this girl said "yeah or find a penpal" -She brought up one of her similar age friends to another guy who's single and said something along the lines of "you guys can talk to her, she's my age i dont know if you're into that". Similarly, we'll talk a lot about the dating life of one particular single guy, ive heard her ask her female friends about their single/married life, but she'll never ask me about my dating life Things that worry me though - she is way out of my league, she is way younger than me (she just graduated and i haven't been in school for 5 years) and I am worried that if I make a move when she’s not interested and things don't go well, it will ruin the friendship and social circle, or at least make it awkward. i've never had a longer relationship than 2 months tbh My questions are: is she into me, and should i make a move? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skywlker32 Posted September 26, 2019 Share Posted September 26, 2019 51 minutes ago, 49ersfan said: So a mutual friend recently started bringing her other friend into our social circle and we've hung out a few times in the last couple of months. At least in our circle, i was one of the first people she met and we got along well. The mutual friend that introduced us was talking to her about me the other day and that i'm a really nice guy, the girl i'm interested in said she's right and i'm one of her first friends in the group, and she enjoys spending time with all of us. I’m really awful at picking up and mis-interpreting signals (I do almost all my dating online) so please tell me if she is showing interest or just being friendly -I joked to her that i feel like i'm 50, she said if so i look good for a 50 year old -She has talked about going back to her college town and said we could go hiking there because there's good trails (we were talking about hiking/nature before). She also asked the mutual friend to go to a cemetary on Friday the 13th, the mutual is trying to set us up so she told her to ask me, so then she was asking me to join her. I couldn't go because i had plans and i wasnt entirely sure if it was a joke or not -In the beginning she had a bf and would bring him up, however recently she was talking about tv shows and said she watched one on the recommendation of her ex but didn't like it (her ex...aka she's single) -She does tend to tease me a lot, eg i'll show her an old pic of me and she'll say "you were so adorable...i don't know what happened to you now". One time i was giving dating advice to another guy and she walked by and said "don't listen to him, ask me if you need any advice". When we're with groups of other guys she'll also tease only me, like at a resto she made a joke with the waiter that it was my birthday, tease only me but not the other guys, etc -Another female friend in the group was saying i should date a chinese girl (because i love chinese food a lot) and this girl said "yeah or find a penpal" -She brought up one of her similar age friends to another guy who's single and said something along the lines of "you guys can talk to her, she's my age i dont know if you're into that". Similarly, we'll talk a lot about the dating life of one particular single guy, ive heard her ask her female friends about their single/married life, but she'll never ask me about my dating life Things that worry me though - she is way out of my league, she is way younger than me (she just graduated and i haven't been in school for 5 years) and I am worried that if I make a move when she’s not interested and things don't go well, it will ruin the friendship and social circle, or at least make it awkward. i've never had a longer relationship than 2 months tbh My questions are: is she into me, and should i make a move? Something to note here, but just because she said something about her ex does not necessarily mean that she broke up with her most recent bf. It could be a previous person she dated. As for the main question, it seems like in the very least she likes hanging out with you more than she likes hanging out with the other guys, but that could be friendly or romantic interest. Whether you make a move or not, your interest in her may make it uncomfortable for you regardless so the awkwardness may be there either way. Ask her to dinner, take her somewhere nice and see where it goes. If she is evasive about planning, she's likely not interested. If worst comes to worst, she is immature about it and acts weird around you, but that is not something you can control. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
holt_bruce81 Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 What would your frustration level be? Should I handle things differently?... I've been with my GF now for 6 years and we have 2 amazing kids together. I absolutely love our family we have built together. But my frustration level towards her is continuing to grow. We have goals we would love to accomplish (at least she says she does, but she seems more and more satisfied with where we are in life) we want to buy a house, we want to get our kids in a good school district, we want to go on vacations....but it seems like my motivation level is at a 10 and her motivation level is at a -10. And this has been going on for YEARS. And I've tried to go about it in different ways, I've laid off and let her do her thing, I've been aggressive and have hounded her to look for jobs and I've even looked for her and have given her jobs to apply for. She has her Bachelors degree in Biology and her Masters in Education and she's still at her HS job making less than $14 an hour. But yet it's so hard for her to move on...even though she hates her job. And even when she gets an interview I feel like sometimes she sabotage's the interview process. For instance with her last interview, she was 3 months pregnant and I told her not to tell them she was pregnant but she was just like "I feel like it's the right thing to just tell them"....WHY WHY WHY would you tell them you're pregnant? It's like she secretly doesn't want to move on. And it was a company she was really excited about working at too, it wasn't like it was something that I forced her to apply at. My brother's wife told us about an opening at her company and told me that I should get her to apply....told my GF about it over a week ago and she still has yet to apply for it. Her go to "excuse" is "well if I'm not going to be happy there, why would I apply"....and it's like, your not happy at your current job, whats the difference? And you'd be making 10-15k more a year. She's very picky yet she won't really apply for anything unless I tell her to, so how can you be that picky? IDK like I said, my frustration level is just growing. I'm working 2 jobs and averaging 60 hours a week and I'll continue to do it, but i don't want to. I'm in my early 30's and I can already tell my body is breaking down. I had a stroke when I was a baby so I can't really use my right-side and the older I get the more and more tired my left side gets because I just overly use it throughout the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fl0nkerton Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 1 hour ago, holt_bruce81 said: What would your frustration level be? Should I handle things differently?... I've been with my GF now for 6 years and we have 2 amazing kids together. I absolutely love our family we have built together. But my frustration level towards her is continuing to grow. We have goals we would love to accomplish (at least she says she does, but she seems more and more satisfied with where we are in life) we want to buy a house, we want to get our kids in a good school district, we want to go on vacations....but it seems like my motivation level is at a 10 and her motivation level is at a -10. And this has been going on for YEARS. And I've tried to go about it in different ways, I've laid off and let her do her thing, I've been aggressive and have hounded her to look for jobs and I've even looked for her and have given her jobs to apply for. She has her Bachelors degree in Biology and her Masters in Education and she's still at her HS job making less than $14 an hour. But yet it's so hard for her to move on...even though she hates her job. And even when she gets an interview I feel like sometimes she sabotage's the interview process. For instance with her last interview, she was 3 months pregnant and I told her not to tell them she was pregnant but she was just like "I feel like it's the right thing to just tell them"....WHY WHY WHY would you tell them you're pregnant? It's like she secretly doesn't want to move on. And it was a company she was really excited about working at too, it wasn't like it was something that I forced her to apply at. My brother's wife told us about an opening at her company and told me that I should get her to apply....told my GF about it over a week ago and she still has yet to apply for it. Her go to "excuse" is "well if I'm not going to be happy there, why would I apply"....and it's like, your not happy at your current job, whats the difference? And you'd be making 10-15k more a year. She's very picky yet she won't really apply for anything unless I tell her to, so how can you be that picky? IDK like I said, my frustration level is just growing. I'm working 2 jobs and averaging 60 hours a week and I'll continue to do it, but i don't want to. I'm in my early 30's and I can already tell my body is breaking down. I had a stroke when I was a baby so I can't really use my right-side and the older I get the more and more tired my left side gets because I just overly use it throughout the day. Hmm, idk if it's way too aggressive but maybe couples counseling is a good option? That way you can air your grievances without coming across brash. It sounds cliche, but " I " messages are always useful when it comes to this stuff. It's also tough to motivate people when they're dead set in their job, but it doesn't really sound like she necessarily wants to upgrade her employment situation. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vike daddy Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 (edited) 22 hours ago, 49ersfan said: My questions are: is she into me, and should i make a move? you're overthinking it all, to begin with. how about you ask her herself, lightly? "Would you like to go out together some evening, dinner or something?" because what you're pondering is whether she'd like to start dating you or not, because you're getting mixed signals. so why not pretty much ask? Edited September 27, 2019 by vike daddy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fl0nkerton Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 22 hours ago, 49ersfan said: So a mutual friend recently started bringing her other friend into our social circle and we've hung out a few times in the last couple of months. At least in our circle, i was one of the first people she met and we got along well. The mutual friend that introduced us was talking to her about me the other day and that i'm a really nice guy, the girl i'm interested in said she's right and i'm one of her first friends in the group, and she enjoys spending time with all of us. I’m really awful at picking up and mis-interpreting signals (I do almost all my dating online) so please tell me if she is showing interest or just being friendly -I joked to her that i feel like i'm 50, she said if so i look good for a 50 year old -She has talked about going back to her college town and said we could go hiking there because there's good trails (we were talking about hiking/nature before). She also asked the mutual friend to go to a cemetary on Friday the 13th, the mutual is trying to set us up so she told her to ask me, so then she was asking me to join her. I couldn't go because i had plans and i wasnt entirely sure if it was a joke or not -In the beginning she had a bf and would bring him up, however recently she was talking about tv shows and said she watched one on the recommendation of her ex but didn't like it (her ex...aka she's single) -She does tend to tease me a lot, eg i'll show her an old pic of me and she'll say "you were so adorable...i don't know what happened to you now". One time i was giving dating advice to another guy and she walked by and said "don't listen to him, ask me if you need any advice". When we're with groups of other guys she'll also tease only me, like at a resto she made a joke with the waiter that it was my birthday, tease only me but not the other guys, etc -Another female friend in the group was saying i should date a chinese girl (because i love chinese food a lot) and this girl said "yeah or find a penpal" -She brought up one of her similar age friends to another guy who's single and said something along the lines of "you guys can talk to her, she's my age i dont know if you're into that". Similarly, we'll talk a lot about the dating life of one particular single guy, ive heard her ask her female friends about their single/married life, but she'll never ask me about my dating life Things that worry me though - she is way out of my league, she is way younger than me (she just graduated and i haven't been in school for 5 years) and I am worried that if I make a move when she’s not interested and things don't go well, it will ruin the friendship and social circle, or at least make it awkward. i've never had a longer relationship than 2 months tbh My questions are: is she into me, and should i make a move? Yeah, she sounds like she's at least cool to hang out with you. It's tough though because this is from your perspective and I've seen this scenario play out personally and from afar and it's very ambiguous. The fact that she's 21-22 kind of seems like she's just having fun, but it wouldn't hurt to ask her to hang to get dinner or something. If she says no, then it shouldn't be THAT awkward in the friend circle. Just brush yourself off and keep looking. No shame in shooting your shot. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 On 9/27/2019 at 11:45 AM, holt_bruce81 said: What would your frustration level be? Should I handle things differently?... I've been with my GF now for 6 years and we have 2 amazing kids together. I absolutely love our family we have built together. But my frustration level towards her is continuing to grow. We have goals we would love to accomplish (at least she says she does, but she seems more and more satisfied with where we are in life) we want to buy a house, we want to get our kids in a good school district, we want to go on vacations....but it seems like my motivation level is at a 10 and her motivation level is at a -10. And this has been going on for YEARS. And I've tried to go about it in different ways, I've laid off and let her do her thing, I've been aggressive and have hounded her to look for jobs and I've even looked for her and have given her jobs to apply for. She has her Bachelors degree in Biology and her Masters in Education and she's still at her HS job making less than $14 an hour. But yet it's so hard for her to move on...even though she hates her job. And even when she gets an interview I feel like sometimes she sabotage's the interview process. For instance with her last interview, she was 3 months pregnant and I told her not to tell them she was pregnant but she was just like "I feel like it's the right thing to just tell them"....WHY WHY WHY would you tell them you're pregnant? It's like she secretly doesn't want to move on. And it was a company she was really excited about working at too, it wasn't like it was something that I forced her to apply at. My brother's wife told us about an opening at her company and told me that I should get her to apply....told my GF about it over a week ago and she still has yet to apply for it. Her go to "excuse" is "well if I'm not going to be happy there, why would I apply"....and it's like, your not happy at your current job, whats the difference? And you'd be making 10-15k more a year. She's very picky yet she won't really apply for anything unless I tell her to, so how can you be that picky? IDK like I said, my frustration level is just growing. I'm working 2 jobs and averaging 60 hours a week and I'll continue to do it, but i don't want to. I'm in my early 30's and I can already tell my body is breaking down. I had a stroke when I was a baby so I can't really use my right-side and the older I get the more and more tired my left side gets because I just overly use it throughout the day. Me? I’d have discussed separating tbh. Not to sound like a money hungry jerk or anything, but relationships are hard enough when people are both pulling their own weight (or at least trying to). It would be different if she didn’t have a great job, but it was the best she could get. It’s a whole other thing entirely to look past good jobs because you like your HS gig. How long are you expected to burn the candle at both ends and run your body into the ground to make ends meet so she doesn’t have to go outside of her comfort zone? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaguarCrazy2832 Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 On 9/27/2019 at 11:45 AM, holt_bruce81 said: What would your frustration level be? Should I handle things differently?... I've been with my GF now for 6 years and we have 2 amazing kids together. I absolutely love our family we have built together. But my frustration level towards her is continuing to grow. We have goals we would love to accomplish (at least she says she does, but she seems more and more satisfied with where we are in life) we want to buy a house, we want to get our kids in a good school district, we want to go on vacations....but it seems like my motivation level is at a 10 and her motivation level is at a -10. And this has been going on for YEARS. And I've tried to go about it in different ways, I've laid off and let her do her thing, I've been aggressive and have hounded her to look for jobs and I've even looked for her and have given her jobs to apply for. She has her Bachelors degree in Biology and her Masters in Education and she's still at her HS job making less than $14 an hour. But yet it's so hard for her to move on...even though she hates her job. And even when she gets an interview I feel like sometimes she sabotage's the interview process. For instance with her last interview, she was 3 months pregnant and I told her not to tell them she was pregnant but she was just like "I feel like it's the right thing to just tell them"....WHY WHY WHY would you tell them you're pregnant? It's like she secretly doesn't want to move on. And it was a company she was really excited about working at too, it wasn't like it was something that I forced her to apply at. My brother's wife told us about an opening at her company and told me that I should get her to apply....told my GF about it over a week ago and she still has yet to apply for it. Her go to "excuse" is "well if I'm not going to be happy there, why would I apply"....and it's like, your not happy at your current job, whats the difference? And you'd be making 10-15k more a year. She's very picky yet she won't really apply for anything unless I tell her to, so how can you be that picky? IDK like I said, my frustration level is just growing. I'm working 2 jobs and averaging 60 hours a week and I'll continue to do it, but i don't want to. I'm in my early 30's and I can already tell my body is breaking down. I had a stroke when I was a baby so I can't really use my right-side and the older I get the more and more tired my left side gets because I just overly use it throughout the day. When you say HS job, you mean working in the HS or the same job she's had since HS? That would be incredibly frustrating if she isn't pulling her weight especially if she has a Masters and isn't/doesnt want to use it. I feel like being aggressive isn't going to help but clearly letting her just do her own thing isn't exactly working. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
holt_bruce81 Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 1 hour ago, JaguarCrazy2832 said: When you say HS job, you mean working in the HS or the same job she's had since HS? That would be incredibly frustrating if she isn't pulling her weight especially if she has a Masters and isn't/doesnt want to use it. I feel like being aggressive isn't going to help but clearly letting her just do her own thing isn't exactly working. Same job since HS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vike daddy Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 is she depressed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaguarCrazy2832 Posted September 29, 2019 Share Posted September 29, 2019 2 hours ago, holt_bruce81 said: Same job since HS Does she not want to teach or use the masters at all? Seems silly to spend all the time and money to get it and not use it at all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
49ersfan Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 On 9/26/2019 at 4:03 PM, skywlker32 said: Something to note here, but just because she said something about her ex does not necessarily mean that she broke up with her most recent bf. It could be a previous person she dated. As for the main question, it seems like in the very least she likes hanging out with you more than she likes hanging out with the other guys, but that could be friendly or romantic interest. Whether you make a move or not, your interest in her may make it uncomfortable for you regardless so the awkwardness may be there either way. Ask her to dinner, take her somewhere nice and see where it goes. If she is evasive about planning, she's likely not interested. If worst comes to worst, she is immature about it and acts weird around you, but that is not something you can control. On 9/27/2019 at 1:06 PM, Fl0nkerton said: On 9/27/2019 at 1:06 PM, vike daddy said: you're overthinking it all, to begin with. how about you ask her herself, lightly? "Would you like to go out together some evening, dinner or something?" because what you're pondering is whether she'd like to start dating you or not, because you're getting mixed signals. so why not pretty much ask? On 9/27/2019 at 1:09 PM, Fl0nkerton said: Yeah, she sounds like she's at least cool to hang out with you. It's tough though because this is from your perspective and I've seen this scenario play out personally and from afar and it's very ambiguous. The fact that she's 21-22 kind of seems like she's just having fun, but it wouldn't hurt to ask her to hang to get dinner or something. If she says no, then it shouldn't be THAT awkward in the friend circle. Just brush yourself off and keep looking. No shame in shooting your shot. Thanks for all the responses. Yeah i think i'll talk to her and ask her in person when i get a chance. Sometimes i feel like its interest, sometimes i feel like its friendly. I just hate being rejected, but i'll give it a shot. I see some reason for optimism here at least, so its not like im chasing a dead end 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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