MWil23 Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 3 hours ago, 49ersfan said: Thanks for all the responses. Yeah i think i'll talk to her and ask her in person when i get a chance. Sometimes i feel like its interest, sometimes i feel like its friendly. I just hate being rejected, but i'll give it a shot. I see some reason for optimism here at least, so its not like im chasing a dead end Something to consider, as far as rejection goes...here's the reality...Yes, it sucks, but here's how to look at it: 1. You're already NOT going out with her, so if she says NO, you're literally out nothing. Platonic friendships are overrated when you're single anyway. Yes, it MAY be awkward for a bit, but eventually you'll move past it and it won't really be a big deal. It's not if you don't make it one anyway. Plus, have you ever asked yourself "Man, how did HE get HER????" The answer is simple: Some guy (hopefully a good guy) showed her some attention, pined for her, and was confident and courageous enough to ask her out. She said yes. BTW, true story: I asked my wife out on a date and she gave me a courtesy date because I was a nice guy. I asked her out on a second date, and she said "I didn't have a reason to say no." Obviously she's a lot better looking than me. 2. If she says NO and makes fun of you/rubs your face in it, she's done you a FAVOR, because she's a nasty person that you don't want to be with long term anyway 3. She says yes 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 1 hour ago, MWil23 said: Something to consider, as far as rejection goes...here's the reality...Yes, it sucks, but here's how to look at it: 1. You're already NOT going out with her, so if she says NO, you're literally out nothing. Platonic friendships are overrated when you're single anyway. Yes, it MAY be awkward for a bit, but eventually you'll move past it and it won't really be a big deal. It's not if you don't make it one anyway. Plus, have you ever asked yourself "Man, how did HE get HER????" The answer is simple: Some guy (hopefully a good guy) showed her some attention, pined for her, and was confident and courageous enough to ask her out. She said yes. BTW, true story: I asked my wife out on a date and she gave me a courtesy date because I was a nice guy. I asked her out on a second date, and she said "I didn't have a reason to say no." Obviously she's a lot better looking than me. Can confirm. 1 hour ago, MWil23 said: 2. If she says NO and makes fun of you/rubs your face in it, she's done you a FAVOR, because she's a nasty person that you don't want to be with long term anyway 3. She says yes This stuff is true too. the tl;dr is nut up and ask her. Nothing is can be lost, everything can be gained. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WizeGuy Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 (edited) On 9/27/2019 at 11:45 AM, holt_bruce81 said: What would your frustration level be? Should I handle things differently?... I've been with my GF now for 6 years and we have 2 amazing kids together. I absolutely love our family we have built together. But my frustration level towards her is continuing to grow. We have goals we would love to accomplish (at least she says she does, but she seems more and more satisfied with where we are in life) we want to buy a house, we want to get our kids in a good school district, we want to go on vacations....but it seems like my motivation level is at a 10 and her motivation level is at a -10. And this has been going on for YEARS. And I've tried to go about it in different ways, I've laid off and let her do her thing, I've been aggressive and have hounded her to look for jobs and I've even looked for her and have given her jobs to apply for. She has her Bachelors degree in Biology and her Masters in Education and she's still at her HS job making less than $14 an hour. But yet it's so hard for her to move on...even though she hates her job. And even when she gets an interview I feel like sometimes she sabotage's the interview process. For instance with her last interview, she was 3 months pregnant and I told her not to tell them she was pregnant but she was just like "I feel like it's the right thing to just tell them"....WHY WHY WHY would you tell them you're pregnant? It's like she secretly doesn't want to move on. And it was a company she was really excited about working at too, it wasn't like it was something that I forced her to apply at. My brother's wife told us about an opening at her company and told me that I should get her to apply....told my GF about it over a week ago and she still has yet to apply for it. Her go to "excuse" is "well if I'm not going to be happy there, why would I apply"....and it's like, your not happy at your current job, whats the difference? And you'd be making 10-15k more a year. She's very picky yet she won't really apply for anything unless I tell her to, so how can you be that picky? IDK like I said, my frustration level is just growing. I'm working 2 jobs and averaging 60 hours a week and I'll continue to do it, but i don't want to. I'm in my early 30's and I can already tell my body is breaking down. I had a stroke when I was a baby so I can't really use my right-side and the older I get the more and more tired my left side gets because I just overly use it throughout the day. You need to have a serious conversation on WHY she isn't asserting herself. Do you ever bring up all the concerns you brought up here? Not only that you want her to be more motivated, but also how the amount you're working is breaking your body down, and also taking away time you could be spending with the family. Make it known this is very concerning to you. The resentment is only going to brew more until you can't stand her anymore. Make sure she know you're feeling resentment because you're carrying a lot more of the load. If she still doesn't bother to make positive moves, then it's time to have an honest conversation with yourself. Is this something you want in a partner? Can you learn to let it go? If not- then it may be time to take more serious step. That resentment isn't going to go away. I wouldn't say break up with her quite yet. You have a family, and you need to fight tooth and nail for that until there's nothing left to fight for. Do couples therapy. Remind her of the wedge this is causing in your relationship. If she still doesn't change, then you may want to consider separation. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not fair to you, but there may be some deeper issues that reside in her as well. That's why you need to try to dissect why she isn't trying to better her situation. Edited October 3, 2019 by WizeGuy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemushrooms Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 How many dates do you guys usually go on before considering you and the girl/other person to be exclusive or officially dating? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skywlker32 Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 42 minutes ago, bluemushrooms said: How many dates do you guys usually go on before considering you and the girl/other person to be exclusive or officially dating? 100% depends on the situation. You need to explicitly establish it with the person that you're dating. I always assumed that unless we had a conversation about it, there was no exclusivity. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWil23 Posted October 18, 2019 Share Posted October 18, 2019 46 minutes ago, bluemushrooms said: How many dates do you guys usually go on before considering you and the girl/other person to be exclusive or officially dating? I always believed in having the DTR talk: Define the Relationship That way, there's no room for ambiguity. Are you exclusive or seeing other people? What's your goal in this relationship? etc. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skywindO2 Posted November 3, 2019 Share Posted November 3, 2019 (edited) Girl on Hinge cancelled a coffee date on me yesterday, said she was sick. Noticed today that she unmatched me on the app. I don't think she was actually sick. Edited November 4, 2019 by skywindO2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skywlker32 Posted November 4, 2019 Share Posted November 4, 2019 19 hours ago, skywindO2 said: Girl on Hinge cancelled coffee date on me yesterday, said she was sick. Noticed today that she unmatched me on the app. I don't think she was actually sick. That was one of the most frustrating things about dating apps to me. People can't just be honest. No longer interested, just say it instead of not responding. Don't lie about why you are cancelling the date. It's so simple to just be straight forward with people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vike daddy Posted November 5, 2019 Share Posted November 5, 2019 13 hours ago, skywlker32 said: That was one of the most frustrating things about dating apps to me. People can't just be honest. No longer interested, just say it instead of not responding. Don't lie about why you are cancelling the date. It's so simple to just be straight forward with people. definitely agree, however it being so obvious she cannot simply do so tells our mutual friend he is right in letting her go and not being interested any more. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tugboat Posted November 5, 2019 Share Posted November 5, 2019 On 26/09/2019 at 1:04 PM, 49ersfan said: So a mutual friend recently started bringing her other friend into our social circle and we've hung out a few times in the last couple of months. -She has talked about going back to her college town and said we could go hiking there because there's good trails (we were talking about hiking/nature before). She also asked the mutual friend to go to a cemetary on Friday the 13th, the mutual is trying to set us up so she told her to ask me, so then she was asking me to join her. I couldn't go because i had plans and i wasnt entirely sure if it was a joke or not My questions are: is she into me, and should i make a move? I once worked in a cemetery for a lot of years, and one time the boss ordered a bunch of signs that said, "Cemetary" and it was very embarrassing, and he blamed the printers for messing it up. It was a whole to do. As for actual dating advice, i have none that is good. But probably just take the plunge dude. What's the worst that could happen? Like...are you gonna go hiking with her and just hang out and be friends, if she's not that into you? And still be happy and not like endlessly tormented because you like her in a way that she doesn't like you? But also, maybe just ask your "mutual" friend that is trying to set you up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malfatron Posted November 5, 2019 Share Posted November 5, 2019 2 hours ago, Tugboat said: once worked in a cemetery for a lot of years, and one time the boss ordered a bunch of signs that said, "Cemetary" and it was very embarrassing, and he blamed the printers for messing it up. It was a whole to do. Working at a cemetery, there's always a whole to do. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MWil23 Posted November 5, 2019 Share Posted November 5, 2019 12 minutes ago, Malfatron said: Working at a cemetery, there's always a whole to do. At least there's lots of job security 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tugboat Posted November 5, 2019 Share Posted November 5, 2019 (edited) 3 hours ago, Malfatron said: Working at a cemetery, there's always a whole to do. Yeah, there was a whole lot to do. We had a lot of holes to dig. I wouldn't measure it on the whole though. It starts to get a bit bleak. Edited November 5, 2019 by Tugboat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BleedTheClock Posted November 13, 2019 Share Posted November 13, 2019 How do I tell my girlfriend that I cheated on her...with her dad? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OkeyDoke21 Posted November 13, 2019 Share Posted November 13, 2019 2 minutes ago, BleedTheClock said: How do I tell my girlfriend that I cheated on her...with her dad? You first ask her if she thinks you would make a good mother. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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