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Relationship Advice Thread


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On 4/1/2019 at 12:29 AM, Malfatron said:

and that amorous man named Steve went on to be the lead singer...of a band called Journey.

and now you know....the rest of the story.

Best part of the story is his brief stint as an FF poster.

Edited by skywindO2
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On 3/30/2019 at 9:28 PM, Manny/Patrick said:

 

  • Do not post anything abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, sexually-oriented or any other material that may violate any applicable laws. This includes references in usernames, signatures, avatars, and PMs. 

This is an official warning for the story posted. Being a veteran member, you should know better than to post something like that. 

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  • 1 month later...
53 minutes ago, LETSGOBROWNIES said:

Then it’s probably your fault and you should apologize.

I’m not the guilty party actually but I could eventually be. I’ll elaborate later when my obnoxious kids go to bed lol

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Reason this is complicated is because idk how to say it without you guys siding with me. I am friends with a guy that is seeing a girl I like that I am friends with as well. She is an interesting girl and I enjoy spending time with her and we have compatible personalities for sure. I have put my feelings on the back burner ever since I learned they were together obviously and won’t ever compromise that. She is fully into him and trusts him but he is using her, he’s sleeping with other women and boasts about it to me (he has a sarcastic egotistical personality that is hard to understand unless you know him, which is why it’s hard to explain the situation kinda). She has asked me on a couple occasions if she is wasting her time with him and I can’t answer that honestly because to do so would be to betray him, and he’s one of my closest friends. I’m not sure what my place is here, if she’d ever even consider me in that way or if I’m just a bearer of bad news and a friend to her. She’s a fun and pretty genuine girl that has issues of her own but their union isn’t right and is going to end terribly once she finds out who he is, which really sucks because everyone knows who he is and she knew who he was before she started with him but just hoped for a different outcome with him. 

I ultimately think you guys are going to side with me and say it would be better of me to either right the wrong or stay out of it, but I’m just looking for suggestions I guess. It just hurts my heart that he seems to think it’s funny and he brags about what he does all the while she has no idea. I value myself as an honest dude that doesn’t give away secrets so I’m pretty much feeling like there’s not a course of action here that doesn’t involve destroying the other person in the equation. Not telling the girl and letting her sink further and further into the mess will just hurt her more and telling her will hurt her and betray his trust and ruin the friendship. He isn’t the kind of guy that would see that as him getting caught in his own ****iness, but being betrayed by someone he thought was a friend. 

Again, I don’t think I have an ulterior motive here where I’m trying to slash him to get her, I think I’m more respectable than that. It’s just a complex situation that’s above my pay grade. 

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46 minutes ago, Tyty said:

Again, I don’t think I have an ulterior motive here where I’m trying to slash him to get her, I think I’m more respectable than that. It’s just a complex situation that’s above my pay grade. 

I would look at it this way: you consider her a friend, right?  Be open with your male friend about the fact that he is being a huge **** to another friend of yours, and when he cheats, he's essentially making you choose between intentionally keeping her in the dark and betraying his trust, and friends don't do that crap to each other.  Maybe just give him an ultimatum to either stop cheating on her, or expect her to be told about it next time he does.  Even if you didn't have feelings for the girl, he'd be treating another friend of yours like crap, and telling you about it, which is not cool.

I was in a somewhat similar situation back in law school where a friend and roommate of mine was dating one of my law school friends, and cheating on her.  I (and my other roommate) warned her about dating him, and she knew his issues going in and was a grown-*** woman, so I said nothing, but now, I'm still friends with her, but have cut off contact with the guy.  I don't feel I did wrong (my other roommate and me talked it out since he was in the same circle as well, so we made the decision jointly to stay out of it), but I do think my loyalty to a ****ty friend was misplaced.

Projecting that, I'd say just tell the girl about the cheating.  Dude sounds like a bad friend, and has it coming.  That said, decide whether or not you move on feelings for the girl before you do it, because if you're gonna do that, you kind of have to tell her that at the same time, or you will be seen as manipulative.

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1 hour ago, Daniel said:

I would look at it this way: you consider her a friend, right?  Be open with your male friend about the fact that he is being a huge **** to another friend of yours, and when he cheats, he's essentially making you choose between intentionally keeping her in the dark and betraying his trust, and friends don't do that crap to each other.  Maybe just give him an ultimatum to either stop cheating on her, or expect her to be told about it next time he does.  Even if you didn't have feelings for the girl, he'd be treating another friend of yours like crap, and telling you about it, which is not cool.

I was in a somewhat similar situation back in law school where a friend and roommate of mine was dating one of my law school friends, and cheating on her.  I (and my other roommate) warned her about dating him, and she knew his issues going in and was a grown-*** woman, so I said nothing, but now, I'm still friends with her, but have cut off contact with the guy.  I don't feel I did wrong (my other roommate and me talked it out since he was in the same circle as well, so we made the decision jointly to stay out of it), but I do think my loyalty to a ****ty friend was misplaced.

Projecting that, I'd say just tell the girl about the cheating.  Dude sounds like a bad friend, and has it coming.  That said, decide whether or not you move on feelings for the girl before you do it, because if you're gonna do that, you kind of have to tell her that at the same time, or you will be seen as manipulative.

You’re right, I will probably have to talk to him. It will surely be awkward because our friendship is a comedy and not a drama but it needs to happen. It’s all made me lose respect for an otherwise decent person 

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