cddolphin Posted April 30, 2018 Share Posted April 30, 2018 12 hours ago, steadypimpin said: I'm friends with other women but I don't think my wife is that cool with it. 2 hours ago, steadypimpin said: Yeah I'm fine with it and she does that. Idk about going out to dinner but she texts guy friends and hangs out sometimes. So to be clear, your wife does it, but wouldn't be cool if you did it? Am I understanding correctly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incarcerated_Scarface Posted April 30, 2018 Share Posted April 30, 2018 (edited) 20 hours ago, cddolphin said: So to be clear, your wife does it, but wouldn't be cool if you did it? Am I understanding correctly. Well she's ok with certain people. Like some mutual friends we know who are females. She doesn't care that I text her bff because we're tight, we've known each other for like 15 years. I've been out with some mutual women we know also but again we've known them for a long time. Just to be clear with you. If I ever thought about cheating and was serious about it, which I'm not, I would probably end things first because I wouldn't want it done to me. Edited May 1, 2018 by steadypimpin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incarcerated_Scarface Posted April 30, 2018 Share Posted April 30, 2018 30 minutes ago, vike daddy said: i think the person you ought to be asking this about is your wife, not us. Ehhh, I'd like opinions first before I even try to go there. I'm not pressed on it, just wondering because I figured some people here might have had a similar experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cddolphin Posted April 30, 2018 Share Posted April 30, 2018 4 minutes ago, steadypimpin said: Well she's ok with certain people. Like some mutual friends we know who are females. She doesn't care that I text her bff because we're tight, we've known each other for like 15 years. I've been out with some mutual women we know also but again we've known them for a long time. Idk how she would react to someone she's never met before like my coworker. She's okay with certain people. Does she hang out with any male friends who are not mutual friends? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incarcerated_Scarface Posted April 30, 2018 Share Posted April 30, 2018 Just now, cddolphin said: She's okay with certain people. Does she hang out with any male friends who are not mutual friends? Sometimes, but they're people I've met. Not really friends I'd say, but more of acquaintances to me. They're not guys I'd like to hang with so they're not really my friends. I'm friendly to them, I just don't care if I see them or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET80 Posted April 30, 2018 Share Posted April 30, 2018 16 hours ago, steadypimpin said: What's the thought here on married men having female friends? Is it a big No? I'm friends with other women but I don't think my wife is that cool with it. I've never cheated, just regular friendships nothing more. Eh, my wife and I trust each other enough to allow for that, but it's not like we go out of our way to have friends of the opposite sex. Our circle is mostly made up of family and married people, so it's a non issue for us. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incarcerated_Scarface Posted April 30, 2018 Share Posted April 30, 2018 19 minutes ago, EliteTexan80 said: Eh, my wife and I trust each other enough to allow for that, but it's not like we go out of our way to have friends of the opposite sex. Our circle is mostly made up of family and married people, so it's a non issue for us. Yeah me either, our circle sounds similar. I just was wondering. It's hard to make friends as you get older so if you meet cool people it's nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mission27 Posted May 3, 2018 Share Posted May 3, 2018 On 4/30/2018 at 10:03 AM, steadypimpin said: Sometimes, but they're people I've met. Not really friends I'd say, but more of acquaintances to me. They're not guys I'd like to hang with so they're not really my friends. I'm friendly to them, I just don't care if I see them or not. Probably depends what they look like tbf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted May 3, 2018 Share Posted May 3, 2018 The fact that you’re asking should tell you something. There’s nothing wrong with being friendly with someone who’s the opposite sex, but there are limits. The occasional text to catch up? Sure. Meeting up as part of a larger group? You bet. But... regular texting? The two of you together, alone? Nah, that’s prolly more than most would consider cool. The relationship status of the other person matters a bit too. If they’re married and everyone knows everyone, that’s a bit different than a single chick your wife only knows by name. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwny Posted May 3, 2018 Share Posted May 3, 2018 It should not matter. Relationships are about trust and commitment, and as long as those are truly flourishing, both parties should understand that nothing would come of it. However, relationships aren’t ever perfect. People have different hang ups, different breaking points, and different understandings between one another. The question really comes down to whether you and your partner are on the same wavelength. If not, it becomes a matter of if your stance is reasonable (I would be okay if she did the same) and whether or not that’s a hill you’re willing to die on. I’d never date someone who wasn’t okay with me being friends with women. I have some close friends that I don’t think it’s fair to ask me to give up. However if it’s not that important to you, don’t go straining your relationship over something that doesn’t matter. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETSGOBROWNIES Posted May 3, 2018 Share Posted May 3, 2018 I think a big factor is when you met the person of the opposite sex. If it’s someone you’ve known for years before the relationship even started, asking someone to give up a friend isn’t particularly cool. On the flip side, a married man shouldn’t be in the habit of making new female friends. JMHO. I’m not a terribly jealous man, but I’d definitely be giving my wife the side eye if she’s texting some dude she met last week. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pwny Posted May 3, 2018 Share Posted May 3, 2018 1 hour ago, LETSGOBROWNIES said: On the flip side, a married man shouldn’t be in the habit of making new female friends. JMHO. I’m not a terribly jealous man, but I’d definitely be giving my wife the side eye if she’s texting some dude she met last week. This is fair for a situation and I don’t think you’re wrong for acting this way. However, in a perfect relationship where both people were completely committed to one another, perfectly communicated with one another, and perfectly respected one another, and were perfectly self-aware, it shouldn’t ever be an issue. The spouse with the friend would never cheat, would cut off any friends who didn’t respect boundaries, and would never allow a third party to damage the integrity of the relationship, and the other spouse would truly trust that their significant other would behave that way. In that sense, if you’re looking at the ideal, it’s something that shouldn’t matter. Friendship is friendship and that’s all there should be to it. Despite this though, no one is perfectly trusting and no one is perfectly responsible. We all fit somewhere between “I should be trusted to spend all my free time with whomever I want” and “my spouse should talk to no human being except me, and even that’s debatable”. Finding where each individual stands and coming to a collective agreement on the boundaries is more important than what the boundaries are, imo. If you’re at the point where you stated above, you wife agrees that makes sense and you two are happy with that, it makes perfect sense for that to be where you are. And I don’t think there’s any reason for you to work towards being “more perfect” in that situation. But the communication and understanding between the partners is the important part of it. I feel like this is probably going to come up in my relationship soon. My girlfriend is moving to Texas for a year and is a huge baseball fan, so she’s probably going to end up with some brand new guy friends. I don’t expect that I’m going to fit the perfect relationship outlined above, but I do think I’m going to be largely fine as long as she is open with me about who they are and what’s going on. Maybe she’s as trustworthy as I think and it works out. Maybe I get burned. But that’s the line I’ve chosen. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dome Posted May 3, 2018 Share Posted May 3, 2018 (edited) On 4/29/2018 at 5:54 PM, steadypimpin said: What's the thought here on married men having female friends? Is it a big No? I'm friends with other women but I don't think my wife is that cool with it. I've never cheated, just regular friendships nothing more. Is there a reason she's not cool with it? Is she the jealous type, or just not used to you having and spending time with women friends? Edited May 3, 2018 by domepatrol91 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incarcerated_Scarface Posted May 4, 2018 Share Posted May 4, 2018 On 5/3/2018 at 3:10 PM, domepatrol91 said: Is there a reason she's not cool with it? Is she the jealous type, or just not used to you having and spending time with women friends? I dunno if she's ok with it or not. I'm sure she'd be fine with it if she knew it was strictly friends of course. I just wanted to know others thoughts about it. I just think I'd have a hard time coming home one day saying I have a new female friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dome Posted May 4, 2018 Share Posted May 4, 2018 (edited) 1 hour ago, steadypimpin said: I just think I'd have a hard time coming home one day saying I have a new female friend. Well that’s certainly harder to sell than your wife just adjusting to a longtime friend that’s been around longer than her I definitely see the value in asking people on a forum, but at the end of the day you and your wife are the ones who will have to decide what does or doesn’t work for you. Edited May 4, 2018 by domepatrol91 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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