Relationship Advice Thread

[Incarcerated_Scarface]

51 minutes ago, domepatrol91 said:

Well that’s certainly harder to sell than your wife just adjusting to a longtime friend that’s been around longer than her 

 I definitely see the value in asking people on a forum, but at the end of the day you and your wife are the ones who will have to decide what does or doesn’t work for you. 

Nah it ain't that serious. I see the possible outcome not being so hot so I will not even worry about pursuing it. Things happen how they happen. I have enough friends. Plus, any married guy knows when to avoid an argument. ? This isnt worth a convo about.

[vikesfan89]

Doesn't it depend how good looking they are?

[SimsZilla]

guys, this is crazy, im getting married two weeks from today

[ET80]

11 minutes ago, SimsZilla said:

guys, this is crazy, im getting married two weeks from today

Congratulations! Married life has it's own individual challenges, but has it's own unique rewards, too. 

Word of advice - communication and compromise are vital. Learn to do both. 

Good luck as you take this big step!

[LETSGOBROWNIES]

14 hours ago, EliteTexan80 said:

Congratulations! Married life has it's own individual challenges, but has it's own unique rewards, too. 

Word of advice - communication and compromise are vital. Learn to do both. 

Good luck as you take this big step!

Good advice.

I’d add there are no winners in an argument with your wife.  Pick your battles and ask yourself if this is a hill you’re willing to die on.

Also know if you say something dumb you’ll hear about it every time you argue, indefinitely. Choose your words wisely.  Ask me how I know.

[SimsZilla]

haha thanks guys! im pretty excited

[MWil23]

On 5/5/2018 at 9:23 PM, SimsZilla said:

guys, this is crazy, im getting married two weeks from today

Best decision I ever made. As long as you guys stick together, communicate, and continue to pursue one another, you'll love her more in seven years than you do now.

[MSURacerDT55]

Relationship advice? Its cheaper to keep her

[BullsandBroncos]

1 hour ago, MSURacerDT55 said:

Relationship advice? Its cheaper to keep her

My uncle told me it's even more cheaper to move to a different country.

[BullsandBroncos]

ANYWAY.

How do you have the kid talk?

 

24, Married.

[vike daddy]

26 minutes ago, BullsandBroncos said:

ANYWAY.

How do you have the kid talk?

the talk with your wife as to whether you two want kids or not, and when?

don't you just... have it?

 

[Broncofan]

40 minutes ago, BullsandBroncos said:

ANYWAY.

How do you have the kid talk?

 

24, Married.

 

12 minutes ago, vike daddy said:

the talk with your wife as to whether you two want kids or not, and when?

don't you just... have it?

 

And...more importantly, something to tell your friends & family since it's too late for you now....have the talk *before* you get married.    If you're serious enough about marriage, at the very least, after the engagement is official, that's more than fair grounds to talk.  And really, it's something you want to make sure you agree on (or can compromise to meet each other's need here). 

Life rarely works out as planned, so you don't have to get into details, but just "I love you, want to share my life with you....just wondering how you felt about kids after we're married" - and see what she says.    That's the ideal pre-marriage line.    

Now that you're married, well, better to be upfront.    A few points I remember:

1.  First, how is the marriage doing?  If there are problems, please don't fall into the trap and think kids will solve them.  It will mask the problems for a while at best, but then the price gets even greater later on, and it's very possible the problems only get worse (kids take up time & energy, which you won't be devoting to each other - they give back so much, and if you are in it together, your return pays off, but less in a direct-partner way).   Kids are the best thing that happened to me & my wife, but by themselves they certainly don't make a marriage better.   

2.  Ask her what her ideas on kids are (why it's better to do it before you are married).   Let her tell you.   Don't lead, don't give her your idea...unless she asks.   You want her unfiltered, honest opinion.   

3.  Don't get too tied into details.   See if you can agree on the principles "yes, I want them / no I don't / I don't know / I'm scared".     Don't get into how many, when...unless you have agreement on the first principle.  

4.  Don't get threatened if you don't agree right away.   This is where the ability to communicate and compromise is important.   Now, it's important to ID what is a principle you have to have met (I have to be a dad / I just can't be a dad <don't confuse with I'm not ready yet>).   Don't agree to something you really can't live with.  But you just have to ready to hear her out if there's a disagreement here.

5.  Just do it.   If you haven't had the talk and you are married, you're probably an avoider (or she is...or maybe both of you are).  Don't put it off.   It's too important.  To be honest, it should have happened before you both said "I do", but you're 24.  Time to get it in the open.  You might be surprised that you both feel the same way (but again, let her talk first).  Or if you don't, it's probably under-the-current anyways, so better to be open about it.

With a pre-teen and teenage daughter, I still say they are the best parts of my life, my wife would agree (even when they drive us nuts).   But you both have to want it.  And there's no perfect time, either.   Just have the talk.  Good luck.

Edited May 7, 2018 by Broncofan

[BullsandBroncos]

14 minutes ago, Broncofan said:

 

And...more importantly, something to tell your friends & family since it's too late for you now....have the talk *before* you get married.    If you're serious enough about marriage, at the very least, after the engagement is official, that's more than fair grounds to talk.  And really, it's something you want to make sure you agree on (or can compromise to meet each other's need here). 

Life rarely works out as planned, so you don't have to get into details, but just "I love you, want to share my life with you....just wondering how you felt about kids after we're married" - and see what she says.    That's the ideal pre-marriage line.    

Now that you're married, well, better to be upfront.    A few points I remember:

1.  First, how is the marriage doing?  If there are problems, please don't fall into the trap and think kids will solve them.  It will mask the problems for a while at best, but then the price gets even greater later on, and it's very possible the problems only get worse (kids take up time & energy, which you won't be devoting to each other - they give back so much, and if you are in it together, your return pays off, but less in a direct-partner way).   Kids are the best thing that happened to me & my wife, but by themselves they certainly don't make a marriage better.   

2.  Ask her what her ideas on kids are (why it's better to do it before you are married).   Let her tell you.   Don't lead, don't give her your idea...unless she asks.   You want her unfiltered, honest opinion.   

3.  Don't get too tied into details.   See if you can agree on the principles "yes, I want them / no I don't / I don't know / I'm scared".     Don't get into how many, when...unless you have agreement on the first principle.  

4.  Don't get threatened if you don't agree right away.   This is where the ability to communicate and compromise is important.   Now, it's important to ID what is a principle you have to have met (I have to be a dad / I just can't be a dad <don't confuse with I'm not ready yet>).   Don't agree to something you really can't live with.  But you just have to ready to hear her out if there's a disagreement here.

5.  Just do it.   If you haven't had the talk and you are married, you're probably an avoider (or she is...or maybe both of you are).  Don't put it off.   It's too important.  To be honest, it should have happened before you both said "I do", but you're 24.  Time to get it in the open.  You might be surprised that you both feel the same way (but again, let her talk first).  Or if you don't, it's probably under-the-current anyways, so better to be open about it.

With a pre-teen and teenage daughter, I still say they are the best parts of my life, my wife would agree (even when they drive us nuts).   But you both have to want it.  And there's no perfect time, either.   Just have the talk.  Good luck.

No problems with how many or anything like that, it's just a matter of when, actually. 2, MAYBE 3. Both of our opinions. One thing we never came up with was a good time to try.

[Broncofan]

9 minutes ago, BullsandBroncos said:

No problems with how many or anything like that, it's just a matter of when, actually. 2, MAYBE 3. Both of our opinions. One thing we never came up with was a good time to try.

OK, good, then it's easier.   "So, we talked before about kids, wondering when you saw this..." - see what she says.   If you are thinking it's soon, and she doesn't, or vice-versa, though, then the rest applies. 

Two observations:

1.  You have lots of time, no rush yet....as long as you both agree you want to wait and enjoy life & travel, etc.

2.  On the flip side, don't say "we should wait for the right time" as the only reason.   There never is a perfect, right time.  There is always a reason to wait.   If you both have reasons to wait, make them concrete.

It's good you have the basics done, being married & not having the basic talk, that's something far from ideal, saw it in marriage classes (yes, it's a thing depending on what religion you're following - or in my case, what church you got married in lol).

Edited May 7, 2018 by Broncofan

[Chiefer]

GF is moving away and I don't think I can do the long distance thing.