Relationship Advice Thread

[ET80]

Just now, thebestever6 said:

Yes it is

Hmm. 

Ok, you do you. But my personal belief on this is "never dip your pen in the company ink". Because when you date someone you work with, it can get messy - if you guys get into a fight or if you break up, it's not like one of you can up and leave your job (unless this is some sort of part time gig, or a gig you're working while in school). It's also something your coworkers might get wind of; Nobody likes to have an audience when they are going through good and bad times, right?

Don't get me wrong, it can work - I know plenty of people who are married at my current job. It's just something I wouldn't recommend, because it could get very hard ...and very public.

[thebestever6]

4 minutes ago, ET80 said:

Hmm. 

Ok, you do you. But my personal belief on this is "never dip your pen in the company ink". Because when you date someone you work with, it can get messy - if you guys get into a fight or if you break up, it's not like one of you can up and leave your job (unless this is some sort of part time gig, or a gig you're working while in school). It's also something your coworkers might get wind of; Nobody likes to have an audience when they are going through good and bad times, right?

Don't get me wrong, it can work - I know plenty of people who are married at my current job. It's just something I wouldn't recommend, because it could get very hard ...and very public.

She works inside the store I work outside it wouldn't be too bad.

[Nazgul]

48 minutes ago, ET80 said:

it could get very hard ...and very public.

Some people are into this kink.

[Daniel]

7 hours ago, ET80 said:

So, don't feel bad, at ALL. I'm sure everyone here has a story to share that's similar to this.

Yep.

5 hours ago, thebestever6 said:

Idk man you're acting like I lost the game and I should pack it in. I'm still feeling confident to ask her on a date. Shooters shoot.

OK, yeah, but you already shot.  Unless she's the dumbest, most oblivious girl on the planet, she knows you are into her.  First of all, as someone said earlier (I'm not going back to reread it), you might be reading too much into the VD conversation.  And as ET80 said, coworkers can get complicated.  You shot your shot, now wait for her to respond.  It's only been a few days, and you came on pretty strong.

If she's into you, she'll make it clear, because I guarantee she's aware that you're into her, and I'll all but guarantee that (assuming she's not like 19) she is aware that men generally don't pick up on signals, so she'll be obvious about it.

If she's not, and you ask her out after she's not responded yet, you're gonna risk getting into HR meetings.  Just be patient bro and let her take the wheel.

Edited February 19, 2020 by Daniel

[vike daddy]

2 hours ago, ET80 said:

Hmm. 

Ok, you do you. But my personal belief on this is "never dip your pen in the company ink". Because when you date someone you work with, it can get messy - if you guys get into a fight or if you break up, it's not like one of you can up and leave your job (unless this is some sort of part time gig, or a gig you're working while in school). It's also something your coworkers might get wind of; Nobody likes to have an audience when they are going through good and bad times, right?

Don't get me wrong, it can work - I know plenty of people who are married at my current job. It's just something I wouldn't recommend, because it could get very hard ...and very public.

dang, you are pessimistic with this kid...

 

over and over in this thread, for YEARS, we read stories from guys who lack the confidence to say anything to a gal they are interested in, and we seasoned vets of the world admonish them for being shy and tell them to man up and give it a shot. so this guy does, and you poop in his cornflakes.

[ET80]

35 minutes ago, vike daddy said:

dang, you are pessimistic with this kid...

I'm legitimately not trying to be pessimistic. I've seen these workplace romances go sour moreso than go sweet, so I'm merely warning him of that potential landmine. 

[pwny]

2 hours ago, vike daddy said:

over and over in this thread, for YEARS, we read stories from guys who lack the confidence to say anything to a gal they are interested in, and we seasoned vets of the world admonish them for being shy and tell them to man up and give it a shot. so this guy does, and you poop in his cornflakes.

Yeah. But definitely middle ground here. Sending a coworker a gift reserved for couples, having her actively not even look at you, and then hoping there’s still a chance is just madness. It’s not what we’re talking about when we tell people to give it a shot.

It made her so uncomfortable that she couldn’t even look at dude. There’s no coming back from that. She’s gonna be cordial and friendly because she has to work with him, but the ship has sailed. 

[thebestever6]

23 minutes ago, pwny said:

Yeah. But definitely middle ground here. Sending a coworker a gift reserved for couples, having her actively not even look at you, and then hoping there’s still a chance is just madness. It’s not what we’re talking about when we tell people to give it a shot.

It made her so uncomfortable that she couldn’t even look at dude. There’s no coming back from that. She’s gonna be cordial and friendly because she has to work with him, but the ship has sailed. 

I mean this whole post is accurate but it's overwhelming and harsh lol. I still don't regret taking the chance. 

[pwny]

1 hour ago, thebestever6 said:

I mean this whole post is accurate but it's overwhelming and harsh lol. I still don't regret taking the chance. 

I agree it’s overwhelming and harsh. But it’s far better than you not realizing all of this, continue pushing because you’re “still confident to ask her on a date” and ending up fired because she tells HR she’s not comfortable around you anymore. As others have said, if you press this any further, there’s a good chance it ends that way. Nobody wants that, and sometimes the harshness is needed to let you know what you’re potentially dealing with. She was uncomfortable enough that she couldn’t even look at you for at least a day. That’s a big deal; obscenely so. And it really needs to be viewed as a stop sign. If it makes you feel better, treat it like others have said and just let the ball stay in her court and let her do with it what she may. But please don’t push her further in this; you’re almost certainly going to make things worse and maybe really screw up your life if you push it too far. 

And taking your chance is fine. While myself and others aren’t okay with the risk associated with a work relationship, if you’re really okay with the risks and think you can make it work, shoot your shot. I do think you gotta refine your technique though; the edible arrangement is a bit much.

[thebestever6]

7 hours ago, pwny said:

She was uncomfortable enough that she couldn’t even look at you for at least a day. That’s a big deal; obscenely so. And it really needs to be viewed as a stop sign. If it makes you feel better, treat it like others have said and just let the ball stay in her court and let her do with it what she may.

I don't know how I feel about this I mean I work at a convenient store that is high volume. She was in deli that first day around a bunch of other employees making sandwiches she could of just been in the zone to not look my way. She was busy.

[TOUCAN]

My fiancee doesn't ask for anything really, and her birthday is coming up in about 12 days or so.

She has said as recent as Christmas that she wants a Michael Kors bag. Obviously, I'm paying for a wedding pretty much out of pocket, and she doesn't want me spending much.

I however, want to give this to her as a huge surprise. She deserves it but I'm fearful she will maybe get a touch mad at the amount of money spent..

What do you guys think?

[Fl0nkerton]

4 minutes ago, JoshstraDaymus said:

My fiancee doesn't ask for anything really, and her birthday is coming up in about 12 days or so.

She has said as recent as Christmas that she wants a Michael Kors bag. Obviously, I'm paying for a wedding pretty much out of pocket, and she doesn't want me spending much.

I however, want to give this to her as a huge surprise. She deserves it but I'm fearful she will maybe get a touch mad at the amount of money spent..

What do you guys think?

I always go over the agreed upon amount with gifts. I usually get a little faux-gruff about it but I just tell her that I found a great deal that I couldn't pass up.

[TOUCAN]

4 minutes ago, Fl0nkerton said:

I always go over the agreed upon amount with gifts. I usually get a little faux-gruff about it but I just tell her that I found a great deal that I couldn't pass up.

I tend to not be a wonderful gift giver, but I wanted to do something special. I get a monthly bonus from my part time job that more than covers the cost of the bag (I've got it good) and it shouldn't be that big of a deal in my mind.

[TOUCAN]

On top of that, I'm getting her a new ring because the engagement ring I got her isn't the best in manufacturing quality.

[Fl0nkerton]

1 minute ago, JoshstraDaymus said:

I tend to not be a wonderful gift giver, but I wanted to do something special. I get a monthly bonus from my part time job that more than covers the cost of the bag (I've got it good) and it shouldn't be that big of a deal in my mind.

 

Just now, JoshstraDaymus said:

On top of that, I'm getting her a new ring because the engagement ring I got her isn't the best in manufacturing quality.

Hey man, swing for the fences. If you can afford both and feel she deserves it, then absolutely.

I think of myself as a pretty bad gift-giver normally and get incredibly anxious thinking about whether or not she'll like it. Usually I buy something material for her and then sketch her something and frame it since I can draw a little bit and the drawings end up being her favorite thing.