Relationship Advice Thread

[Nazgul]

31 minutes ago, MdTitansFan56 said:

Haha. What sucks the most about this is she has completely ghosted me. Basically told her I like you, want to be friends with the hope of you eventually opening up and maybe giving it going to the next step in the future. Now 0 response 0 contact. Adults am I right

 

29 minutes ago, Malfatron said:

Its only been 22 hours.

give it another day.

 

24 minutes ago, MdTitansFan56 said:

True. I need sports back to take my mind off things. 

This is why I tell no one anything and wallow in my self-pity instead.
It's a much safer existence. 

[MdTitansFan56]

35 minutes ago, Nazgul said:

 

 

This is why I tell no one anything and wallow in my self-pity instead.
It's a much safer existence. 

I used to be that way figured I'd give it a shot letting people know how I feel. Nope. 

[NateDawg]

@holt_bruce81 props. Much of being a parent is having the discipline to do things the selfish part of you really doesn’t want to do. 

[WizeGuy]

21 hours ago, holt_bruce81 said:

No you're good. And thanks everyone for the advice and support, it is very much appreciated. 

I knew I would shutdown after that, it's how I deal with things like this. I need time for myself so I can get over it before I go out and start a huge fight neither of us can recover from. So I didn't talk to her for a good 24 hours to let my emotions calm down. We've been together for 6 years and we have 2 kids TOGETHER. So to just up and leave is pretty complicated.Our relationship has been very up and down throughout the 6 years. It was extremely strong in the beginning and when she got pregnant with out first kid, I don't know, things just changed. Her trust in me just wasn't there. A short backstory on me, I had two strokes when i was two years old, so my right arm is partially paralyzed. Which she was absolutely fine with and has never been embarrassed about it, even when there are times when I am. Anyways, we had our first kid and her mom had convinced her that I was not capable of taking care of my child and that I would need assistance. (It was her moms way of seeing her grandchild as much as possible.) My GF literally came to me and asked me if I wanted her mom to come over the days I was off work (scheduled with my work to be off tuesdays and wednesdays to avoid daycare costs) to help me watch my daughter. I flat out told her no, and her response has been the closest I've ever come to actually leaving her. "You need to be realistic in what you can and can't do Scott." And I'll be honest with you guys, I straight up told her to F Off. I mean you're talking to someone who was raised by a Mother who told me from an early age not to let anyone say I can't do something and someone who would put soap in my mouth if I said I couldn't do something due to my "disability." And this hurt our relationship big time. I remember going to my parents honestly crying because I was so heartbroken and telling my mom that my GF asked me "how are you going to change this babies diaper with one arm?" I was lost and it probably took almost 2 years for us to get that connection back. And then she got pregnant with our 2nd child. Nearly 4 years after our first. And she knew she made a mistake with our first and she knew she didn't want to make the same mistake with our 2nd. Instead of feeling like her 4th option (I felt like she would call her mom or her sisters about our 1st kid before she talked to me) I did feel like her number one with our 2nd child. She was treating me with respect and showing appreciation toward everything I've done and everything I'm continuing to do for our family. I mean it's not easy working 2 jobs and working 60+ hours a week. 

And then this happened, on Easter. I mean I just told her that if she ever talks to our kids that way again I'm going to leave and I will take the kids. I mean it's all I can do at this point. She knows she made a mistake and apologized for it. And we've been discussing ways she can better control her temper in situations like this. And honestly, and she'll never say this but I think her snapping at our daughter was partly because she's jealous of the relationship that we've built together. I mean when this whole thing went down...My GF had been on her phone for about an hour while my daughter and I were in our fort that me and her built watching Spiderman. Like when I get home tonight I know shes going to run to the door and want me to pick her up. And my GF just doesn't get that from our daughter and I know it upsets her and we've had multiple conversations on how to better that situation. And it's easy. Get off the phone. Like you think I want to watch Beauty and the beast or Frozen or Cinderella? No. But I'm not just turning it on and sitting with my daughter with my face buried in my phone. I'm right there watching it with her and laughing at the funny parts with her. You think I want to pick flowers outside? No! But I'm not sitting outside on my phone while my daughter picks flowers by herself, I'm walking around with her picking them too! 

Your options are completely different since she's the mother of your child. You have more incentive to change her for the better. It won't be easy. She knows her issues now, so how do you get her to change her habits?

Try to explain to her that she's never going to get this time back with her daughter. Those small moments that seem endless are slowly going to fade away as your daughter becomes more independent. If things don't change- maybe she should try therapy. Why's she addicted to her phone when she has what sounds like an awesome family at home? There could be some underlying issues there.

Perhaps you organize time where no one is allowed to play on their phone? Small steps first. It's important she starts taking steps in the right direction, and you should help guide her. 

I remember having to wake up in the middle of the night multiple times with my son when he was going through sleep regression. I hated it at first. I'd cuss under my breath. At times I'd even get snappy towards him. I took advice from my wife and people around me. They said to cherish those moments he needs you to comfort him. Those times you rock him to sleep. Those moments are ******* precious, and they were right. My son is only 7 months old, but now I do cherish those moments. I rarely ever get annoyed at him anymore. I love being the person he looks to when he needs comfort. There ain't a damn thing more fulfilling in this world than being father. 

BTW, you sound like a great father. Respect!

Edited April 21, 2020 by WizeGuy

[TOUCAN]

This isn't a relationship advice question but this is probably the best place to ask this, because this is a very very delicate situation.

My brother got divorced a few months ago. He's my best man. My ex sister in law is a great friend to me also. They have both since been dating others, and I'm getting ready to prepare to send invitations out for my wedding.

Here's the issue.

I want them both there.

What's the best way to navigate this? I thought about inviting SIL and just hoping she says no.

[Malfatron]

16 minutes ago, JoshstraDaymus said:

This isn't a relationship advice question but this is probably the best place to ask this, because this is a very very delicate situation.

My brother got divorced a few months ago. He's my best man. My ex sister in law is a great friend to me also. They have both since been dating others, and I'm getting ready to prepare to send invitations out for my wedding.

Here's the issue.

I want them both there.

What's the best way to navigate this? I thought about inviting SIL and just hoping she says no.

They have both been dating others, so I think its fine to invite both.

My advice though is to ask your brother how he would feel about that. Hes your best man, so you should be able to talk about that.

Your ex SIL will assume your brother is there, and if shes not comfortable with that, she simply won't show

[TOUCAN]

Just now, Malfatron said:

They have both been dating others, so I think its fine to invite both.

My advice though is to ask your brother how he would feel about that. Hes your best man, so you should be able to talk about that.

Your ex SIL will assume your brother is there, and if shes not comfortable with that, she simply won't show

Wellll here's the thing.

The woman my brother is seeing is kind of a the cause of their divorce.

[Malfatron]

5 minutes ago, JoshstraDaymus said:

Wellll here's the thing.

The woman my brother is seeing is kind of a the cause of their divorce.

Still, the SIL should realize that your brother and that other woman will likely be at the wedding

So unless you think your SIL is the kind of person that would get crazy and burn down your wedding, its probably okay to invite her.

If your SIL is dating someone, all the more better.

How long ago was the divorce? If its over 6 months, those wounds heal, especially if she has a new bf.

Although, if you arent close enough to your SIL to hit her up and ask her if she would want to attend your wedding, maybe its best not to

Feels like reaching out to her before you send the invite to see where her heads at is the best decision

Edited May 1, 2020 by Malfatron

[TOUCAN]

38 minutes ago, Malfatron said:

Still, the SIL should realize that your brother and that other woman will likely be at the wedding

So unless you think your SIL is the kind of person that would get crazy and burn down your wedding, its probably okay to invite her.

If your SIL is dating someone, all the more better.

How long ago was the divorce? If its over 6 months, those wounds heal, especially if she has a new bf.

Although, if you arent close enough to your SIL to hit her up and ask her if she would want to attend your wedding, maybe its best not to

Feels like reaching out to her before you send the invite to see where her heads at is the best decision

They got divorced finalized in February. It would be 8 months at that point. I don't know if this makes a difference or not but its a trip for them all as well. I live in PA and they all live in Florida.

[RedGold]

Alright FF.  What’s your deal breaker on age gaps.  My neighbors daughter just moved back from college a month ago.  Super cool family,  typically help them with the yard as her mother is single.

She just turned 22,  I’ll be 32 soon.   I spend most of my time working don’t really get out much.   She’s messaged me quite a bit the past few weeks,  and honestly she’s a very pretty(had no idea she was only 22)  She finally sent me a message to just let her know if I’m interested in talking.

Am I weird to think this is a big age gap?  Her best friend is my high schools girl friends little sister.  If it wasn’t for the age gap I wouldn’t have any hesitations at all 
 

[Heimdallr]

25 minutes ago, samsel23 said:

 If it wasn’t for the age gap I wouldn’t have any hesitations at all 

Go for it. Either the age gap will be an issue and it won’t work out, or it works and then obviously the age gap isn’t an issue. Just depends what types of things each of you are looking for, and if your lifestyles mesh.

if you are 32 with an established career and she is just fresh out of college that my be tough though. Very different stages of life, but if it works for you, it works.

I’m 32 and my GF is 25 and it is perfect. 

[Daniel]

1 hour ago, samsel23 said:

Alright FF.  What’s your deal breaker on age gaps.  My neighbors daughter just moved back from college a month ago.  Super cool family,  typically help them with the yard as her mother is single.

She just turned 22,  I’ll be 32 soon.   I spend most of my time working don’t really get out much.   She’s messaged me quite a bit the past few weeks,  and honestly she’s a very pretty(had no idea she was only 22)  She finally sent me a message to just let her know if I’m interested in talking.

Am I weird to think this is a big age gap?  Her best friend is my high schools girl friends little sister.  If it wasn’t for the age gap I wouldn’t have any hesitations at all 
 

I'd be pessimistic about it working out long term, but I don't see a problem with it.  I do think people 10 years apart in age are just not likely to have much in common.

[WizeGuy]

10 hours ago, samsel23 said:

Alright FF.  What’s your deal breaker on age gaps.  My neighbors daughter just moved back from college a month ago.  Super cool family,  typically help them with the yard as her mother is single.

She just turned 22,  I’ll be 32 soon.   I spend most of my time working don’t really get out much.   She’s messaged me quite a bit the past few weeks,  and honestly she’s a very pretty(had no idea she was only 22)  She finally sent me a message to just let her know if I’m interested in talking.

Am I weird to think this is a big age gap?  Her best friend is my high schools girl friends little sister.  If it wasn’t for the age gap I wouldn’t have any hesitations at all 
 

I personally wouldn't follow through with it. I remember being 24 in college, and the girls I hooked-up with ranged from 19-early 20s. I quickly switched it up from getting 19-20 year old girls because they were extremely clingy, and the age gap was noticeable. I'm 32 now, and couldn't imagine trying to date a 22 year old. Maybe I would hook-up with one if A) I wasn't married and B) they weren't my ******* neighbor's kid, haha. That being said, hormones are a b****, so if you find yourself in a vulnerable spot- you may act on instinct.

The more you talk to her outside of texting, the more you'll likely realize the difference in mental and emotional maturity. Some people are able to do it, though, and maybe she's incredibly mature for her age. It'd be different if you were 40 and she was 30, but the amount someone grows from the early twenties into their 30s is...well... a lot. Even that dude that says his girlfriend is 25; there's a pretty significant difference between most girls who are 25 and those who are 22. 

Edited June 11, 2020 by WizeGuy

[ET80]

9 hours ago, Daniel said:

I'd be pessimistic about it working out long term, but I don't see a problem with it.  I do think people 10 years apart in age are just not likely to have much in common.

This is more my concern - how well do you two connect? Common interests, beliefs, etc?

[Fl0nkerton]

11 hours ago, samsel23 said:

Alright FF.  What’s your deal breaker on age gaps.  My neighbors daughter just moved back from college a month ago.  Super cool family,  typically help them with the yard as her mother is single.

She just turned 22,  I’ll be 32 soon.   I spend most of my time working don’t really get out much.   She’s messaged me quite a bit the past few weeks,  and honestly she’s a very pretty(had no idea she was only 22)  She finally sent me a message to just let her know if I’m interested in talking.

Am I weird to think this is a big age gap?  Her best friend is my high schools girl friends little sister.  If it wasn’t for the age gap I wouldn’t have any hesitations at all 
 

If she's emotionally intelligent and you don't expect her to do normal 22 year old things, then go for it.

Jake Gyllenhaal is 10 years older than Taylor Swift. They didn't work out but he got a dope *** song written about him. All about perspective.