Relationship Advice Thread

[vikesfan89]

What song is that?

[skywlker32]

16 hours ago, samsel23 said:

Alright FF.  What’s your deal breaker on age gaps.  My neighbors daughter just moved back from college a month ago.  Super cool family,  typically help them with the yard as her mother is single.

She just turned 22,  I’ll be 32 soon.   I spend most of my time working don’t really get out much.   She’s messaged me quite a bit the past few weeks,  and honestly she’s a very pretty(had no idea she was only 22)  She finally sent me a message to just let her know if I’m interested in talking.

Am I weird to think this is a big age gap?  Her best friend is my high schools girl friends little sister.  If it wasn’t for the age gap I wouldn’t have any hesitations at all 
 

As others have referenced, it's not about the number so much as it's about the maturity level. It can't hurt to hang out with her and feel things out. If you two actually connect, don't let friends convince you it's wrong (hers or yours) because only the two of you should be making that decision.

[project T.O]

Here’s a long, awkward and confusing tale

Well started talking to this girl like right before things started shutting down with corona. She was Finishing up her senior year of college and working pt at a store I go to a lot And she works with a friend of mine. Anyways we had been chatting back and fourth and when she came back for spring break we were gonna go out. Last minute entire state shuts down and date is history. We decide to hang out anyways and just grab pizza to go. But that day before we go she balks when I mention date anyways  It goes alright but was sort of weird and she was in a strange headspace with uncertainty of how she was gonna graduate. Anyways I continue to see her around and we text back and fourth and she’s talking how she can’t wait to graduate and how she wants to do something big to celebrate that day I ask her where she’s gonna go and she says where ever I want to take her...
 

I ask her to hangout again and she’s hesitant and says maybe.. then few days later she sees me and is like so how about we go out for Chinese and then ice cream? She’s going over her work schedule ( now full time with school over). And comparing to mine. She decides that since she’s out at 7 on Friday And I’m off we can go that night. Fast forward to Friday and we get the food then go and eat outside cause dining was closed. Was kind of cold and miserable, but we got talking and we got a point where I explained that i wasn’t looking for anything serious and she said she was relieved cause she didn’t want that anyways as she was going back to school for her masters and was hesitant  as she thought I wanted more. And then we got into talking about basically being casual and hooking up. Which is ideal for me as I’m not looking for serious. Gets deeper into convo to a point where she’s asking if I get tested, etc, etc. 

 

get back to my car and I’m thinking maybe.. I mean we did just have a convo on it and she legit put out odds of us having sex at 75% ( yeah convo was weird).  so I lean over and she tells me we’re not having sex.. bit strange after last convo, but whatever. So I lean for a kiss and she says don’t. I again stop and she says I don’t want to cause kissing leads to more stuff... at this point I’m confused as hell and after bit of awkwardness we leave and ride back is fine and I drop her off. 
 

fast forward about a week and I see her and ask to go out again this time to actually do something. She tells me she’s closing all week. Anyways texts between us have slowed a lot. I see her a few more times and then today I see her and ask her about hanging out again and again she’s working all nights ( which is true), so I jokingly tell her well we can do some midnight mini golfing she laughs and half under her breath says I have plans... ( now I’m feeling jealous cause she’s prob got another guy which is illogical as I was never looking for Serious either so no reason to be Jealous ). Anyway I say well when our schedules match up we can hangout. She says maybe...  
 

first off any idea what happened to the girl who wanted me to take her out of town and get her drunk for her graduation celebration? And second why does it bother me so much? And third what the hell do I do? 
 

my game was below par before, but last last few months have just been terrible. 
 

 

[NateDawg]

^^^ just walk away bro, it ain’t worth it. All these games for some hookup? Move on.

[theJ]

On 6/11/2020 at 2:25 PM, skywlker32 said:

On 6/10/2020 at 9:28 PM, samsel23 said:

Alright FF.  What’s your deal breaker on age gaps.  My neighbors daughter just moved back from college a month ago.  Super cool family,  typically help them with the yard as her mother is single.

She just turned 22,  I’ll be 32 soon.   I spend most of my time working don’t really get out much.   She’s messaged me quite a bit the past few weeks,  and honestly she’s a very pretty(had no idea she was only 22)  She finally sent me a message to just let her know if I’m interested in talking.

Am I weird to think this is a big age gap?  Her best friend is my high schools girl friends little sister.  If it wasn’t for the age gap I wouldn’t have any hesitations at all 
 

As others have referenced, it's not about the number so much as it's about the maturity level. It can't hurt to hang out with her and feel things out. If you two actually connect, don't let friends convince you it's wrong (hers or yours) because only the two of you should be making that decision.

And shared life experience.  What you're going through at age 32 may be much different than what she's going through at age 22.  That may make it hard to connect.

But no reason not to try.

[Shanedorf]

13 hours ago, project T.O said:

first off any idea what happened to the girl who wanted me to take her out of town and get her drunk for her graduation celebration?  She sobered up
And second why does it bother me so much? because of mixed signals and trying to make sense of the senseless
And third what the hell do I do? Stop pursuing her and move on knowing that you're better off being "just friends" when you see her.

People are often on their best behavior during early courtship...and if this is her best behavior...then you don't want to be in a relationship, no matter how casual with somebody so inconsistent. Yes, its hard to be rejected, but in this case it seems more like a gift. She's about to graduate and her life will change even more going forward. You don't NEED her, so don't let her mess with your mind. Laugh and move on

[Daniel]

Yeah, I would agree with the general sentiment.  Move on, forget this girl.  If you're just looking for hookups, they shouldn't come with that much work/games anyway.  The whole point is casualness, and this already seems like too much work and too much friction for that kind of relationship.

[project T.O]

12 hours ago, Shanedorf said:

People are often on their best behavior during early courtship...and if this is her best behavior...then you don't want to be in a relationship, no matter how casual with somebody so inconsistent. Yes, its hard to be rejected, but in this case it seems more like a gift. She's about to graduate and her life will change even more going forward. You don't NEED her, so don't let her mess with your mind. Laugh and move on

Yeah this seems like the move. Part of the reason I like casual is to avoid all of this game ****.
 

Side note though she was always sober when we talked ( at least in person) or hung out. So wasn’t just trying to grab a drunk chick. Haha

started taking to this other girl again. She’s not my type exactly but she’s less complicated and I think we can have fun. 
 

thanks everyone for looking out!

[WizeGuy]

7 hours ago, project T.O said:

Yeah this seems like the move. Part of the reason I like casual is to avoid all of this game ****.
 

Side note though she was always sober when we talked ( at least in person) or hung out. So wasn’t just trying to grab a drunk chick. Haha

started taking to this other girl again. She’s not my type exactly but she’s less complicated and I think we can have fun. 
 

thanks everyone for looking out!

Most relations that start out casual turn complicated, unfortunately. 

[ET80]

38 minutes ago, WizeGuy said:

Most relations that start out casual turn complicated, unfortunately. 

Co-sign. 

On 6/16/2020 at 9:43 PM, project T.O said:

my game was below par before, but last last few months have just been terrible. 

 

8 hours ago, project T.O said:

started taking to this other girl again. She’s not my type exactly but she’s less complicated and I think we can have fun. 

Nothing wrong with a slump buster...

[Daniel]

2 hours ago, WizeGuy said:

Most relations that start out casual turn complicated, unfortunately. 

I met my wife when we were both looking for something casual.

[skywlker32]

3 hours ago, Daniel said:

I met my wife when we were both looking for something casual.

My wife thought she was looking for something casual also when we met. Didn't take long for that to change.

[Daniel]

6 minutes ago, skywlker32 said:

My wife thought she was looking for something casual also when we met. Didn't take long for that to change.

Same.  In fact (she'd kill me for telling this, but yall don't know me so it's whatever), we had sex on our first date.  Because it was supposed to be a hookup.

[ET80]

3 hours ago, Daniel said:

I met my wife when we were both looking for something casual.

Ditto. I had zero plans on meeting someone, was talking with a few ladies during that time with no intentions beyond casual fun, and then... There she was, standing by the exit of a bar, looking pissed off because her friends were still drinking and partying and she wanted to leave. 

I immediately said to myself "yes, I'm going to let her shoot me down because she looks ANGRY..." and I shot my shot with a bottle of Did Equis and a shot of Patron for her (I keep it CLASSY with the ladies...)

Eight years, two kids later...and here we are. 

[skywlker32]

8 minutes ago, Daniel said:

Same.  In fact (she'd kill me for telling this, but yall don't know me so it's whatever), we had sex on our first date.  Because it was supposed to be a hookup.

Same again. Our first date was at my place and I happened to cook her favorite meal (still says my salmon is better than all but maybe 1 or two places that we've eaten).