Relationship Advice Thread

[Ty21]

15 hours ago, EliteTexan80 said:

5. Accidentally sent back to 1955 in a Delorean and has to make sure her grandparents meet and get married, all while ensuring the high school bully/sexual predator doesn't get the sports almanac from the future to make millions. 

 

Idk doesn’t make much sense. Her plight in 1955 would take time (for her) but in the end she’s just end up right where she left in the modern day when she got back right? Doesn’t work unless you assume she couldn’t track down doc brown and get him to figure out a way to send the delorean back or whatever 

[BornToFly]

On 7/5/2018 at 9:36 PM, CWood21 said:

I can officially say I've been ghosted by a girlfriend...

That's very juvenile of her.  Sorry CWood.   She doesn't deserve you.  

[pwny]

Been having the m word conversation.

Life comes at you fast

[LETSGOBROWNIES]

2 hours ago, iPwn said:

Been having the m word conversation.

Life comes at you fast

Congrats man, go for it.

[BleedTheClock]

Here's a kind of weird situation:

 

So I'm a very nice guy. Too nice. I met a girl on Tinder and within the first 3 minutes of meeting her, she wanted to engage in sexy time in my back seat. I didn't initiate any of this, mind you. She is a freak. Did I smash? Yes. Do I regret it? For sure. She's super duper clingy and is constantly fishing for compliments by telling me about how other men call her ugly and blow her off and yada yada yada....she just wants me to serenade her with compliments. I'll get 15 unanswered texts throughout the day of her begging to hook up, asking me if she can call me her "pretend boyfriend." She constantly sends me naughty pictures and says things like, "if last night was just a hookup that's ok. Most guys don't want to be with me anyways...I get it :("

 

I really don't want to be a jerk, but I really don't want to date this girl. Any solutions on how to handle a stage 5 clinger without being a ******? And it's not I used her for sexy time. She basically forced me into a smash session to the point where it would have been rude not to. And now I don't know how to let her down lightly because she's like borderline obsessed with me apparently.

[ET80]

28 minutes ago, BleedTheClock said:

Here's a kind of weird situation:

 

So I'm a very nice guy. Too nice. I met a girl on Tinder and within the first 3 minutes of meeting her, she wanted to engage in sexy time in my back seat. I didn't initiate any of this, mind you. She is a freak. Did I smash? Yes. Do I regret it? For sure. She's super duper clingy and is constantly fishing for compliments by telling me about how other men call her ugly and blow her off and yada yada yada....she just wants me to serenade her with compliments. I'll get 15 unanswered texts throughout the day of her begging to hook up, asking me if she can call me her "pretend boyfriend." She constantly sends me naughty pictures and says things like, "if last night was just a hookup that's ok. Most guys don't want to be with me anyways...I get it :("

 

I really don't want to be a jerk, but I really don't want to date this girl. Any solutions on how to handle a stage 5 clinger without being a ******? And it's not I used her for sexy time. She basically forced me into a smash session to the point where it would have been rude not to. And now I don't know how to let her down lightly because she's like borderline obsessed with me apparently.

...there was a conversation on ghosting about a few pages back. Iono, can't be the worst response.

Reality is - be up front about it. You can't control her actions, her emotions. Being up front with her right now will be better than beating around the bush for six months. 

[LETSGOBROWNIES]

2 hours ago, BleedTheClock said:

Here's a kind of weird situation:

 

So I'm a very nice guy. Too nice. I met a girl on Tinder and within the first 3 minutes of meeting her, she wanted to engage in sexy time in my back seat. I didn't initiate any of this, mind you. She is a freak. Did I smash? Yes. Do I regret it? For sure. She's super duper clingy and is constantly fishing for compliments by telling me about how other men call her ugly and blow her off and yada yada yada....she just wants me to serenade her with compliments. I'll get 15 unanswered texts throughout the day of her begging to hook up, asking me if she can call me her "pretend boyfriend." She constantly sends me naughty pictures and says things like, "if last night was just a hookup that's ok. Most guys don't want to be with me anyways...I get it :("

 

I really don't want to be a jerk, but I really don't want to date this girl. Any solutions on how to handle a stage 5 clinger without being a ******? And it's not I used her for sexy time. She basically forced me into a smash session to the point where it would have been rude not to. And now I don't know how to let her down lightly because she's like borderline obsessed with me apparently.

Just be awful in the sack.  I couldn’t imagine you having any issue with that

[vike daddy]

10 hours ago, BleedTheClock said:

I really don't want to be a jerk, but I really don't want to date this girl. Any solutions on how to handle a stage 5 clinger without being a ******? And it's not I used her for sexy time. She basically forced me into a smash session to the point where it would have been rude not to. And now I don't know how to let her down lightly because she's like borderline obsessed with me apparently.

i don't think it's any more difficult than telling her you really don't want to date her, it's just being honest. yes, she'll be being rejected. again. but her past is not your responsibility to "cure."

the two of you aren't a good fit, it's that simple.

[cddolphin]

12 hours ago, BleedTheClock said:

Here's a kind of weird situation:

Poor girl.

She clearly has self esteem issues (I mean duh), so she's compensating by giving up easily what she perceives as her greatest asset. She hasn't figured out that's a vicious cycle that brings you attention but little respect.

My (possibly useless) advice: you gotta be firm and tell her how she's acting is pushing you away quickly. From what you wrote there's a 98% chance she'll react strongly and negatively, then just drop her my dude. Maybe just maybe she hears a firm male voice and squares up because you're worth it and she's willing to change. Unlikely.

 

IDK about you, but as time creeps slowly by a trend is becoming clearer to me: you don't want to date the ones that give it up the first night (let alone the first 3 minutes), they generally seem damaged. I know it's tinder... but some people out there use it for actual dates.

Edited July 10, 2018 by cddolphin

[skywlker32]

12 hours ago, BleedTheClock said:

Here's a kind of weird situation:

 

So I'm a very nice guy. Too nice. I met a girl on Tinder and within the first 3 minutes of meeting her, she wanted to engage in sexy time in my back seat. I didn't initiate any of this, mind you. She is a freak. Did I smash? Yes. Do I regret it? For sure. She's super duper clingy and is constantly fishing for compliments by telling me about how other men call her ugly and blow her off and yada yada yada....she just wants me to serenade her with compliments. I'll get 15 unanswered texts throughout the day of her begging to hook up, asking me if she can call me her "pretend boyfriend." She constantly sends me naughty pictures and says things like, "if last night was just a hookup that's ok. Most guys don't want to be with me anyways...I get it :("

 

I really don't want to be a jerk, but I really don't want to date this girl. Any solutions on how to handle a stage 5 clinger without being a ******? And it's not I used her for sexy time. She basically forced me into a smash session to the point where it would have been rude not to. And now I don't know how to let her down lightly because she's like borderline obsessed with me apparently.

I know it seems cruel, but just be honest with her. Trying to save her feelings does her no good. The longer you drag it on, the worse it will be. She may hate you for it, but that stuff happens.

[Malfatron]

On 7/9/2018 at 1:02 AM, Tyty said:

Idk doesn’t make much sense. Her plight in 1955 would take time (for her) but in the end she’s just end up right where she left in the modern day when she got back right? Doesn’t work unless you assume she couldn’t track down doc brown and get him to figure out a way to send the delorean back or whatever 

she might be in an alternative present where they never met.

[Ty21]

8 minutes ago, Malfatron said:

she might be in an alternative present where they never met.

Great logic there dude, that would explain why HE STILL KNOWS WHO SHE IS IN THE PRESENT AS HIS GF YOU FOOL

[holt_bruce81]

Man I really Don’t know what to do, My GF and I have been together for almost 5 years, we have a beautiful little girl together but I dont Know if we’re meant to be together. It’s been really tough. 

When we got together she was an extremely motivated person who was in the middle of getting her Masters degree. She was always happy and was a very positive person...

Now, she’s just not motivated to do anything with her life. And the fact that me and our daughter can’t motivate her to be the best version of herself she can possibly be, absolutely kills me. She still hasn’t found a job, 4 years after graduation, but she doesn’t even apply for anything. Unless I pretty Much nag her to do so. Just comfortable at her dead end job making $13.25 an hour. It’s like, your better than that! And her excuses are just unbelievable...she grew up poor because her mom had to take care of her and her sisters and she says she thinks she’s destined for that life. And she believes that all “rich” people just luck in to what they’ve got. “Well look at your mom, she doesn’t work much and your parents are living comfortably “...like how do I even Respond to that? My dad worked his butt off to get where they are today, started at around $5 an hour and did what he had to do to build a family, don’t disrespect my parents like that. And my mom does work, she’s worked for a school district for 18 years. 

And it’s always her way or the highway. And i know I know “We’ll get used to that” but it’s just the little things that piss me off...for example, she came from a cat family, I came from a dog family. I’ve learned to accept and love her two cats over the years and when one of them died, I was out there looking with her for one to adopt and was excited to make her happy when we found one. But every time I mention Us getting a dog she just gives me 100 reasons why dogs aren’t good pets. And the conversation usually ends in “fine, you can get one but I’m not gonna like it.” Idk, like should I be Satisfied with that? To me, she should be as excited as I am To get a dog because she knows it would make me happy, kinda like I was With her cat. 

Man I’m just lost right now and question if im in this for the right reasons. And just for facts, yes I was Just as lazy as she is right now at one time, I was At a dead end job making 11.50 an hour, and then my daughter happened and i knew I had To grow up, doubled my salary in 2 years and have a part time job as well. Been working for over a year now 60 hours a week with a torn labrum in my hip and hip dysplasia, I literally Have to drag my leg with my hand, out of my car because it hurts so bad sometimes. But it’s what has to be done. There’s things I want In the future and I’m gonna do whatever it takes to provide and build the life my little girl deserves. 

[vike daddy]

2 hours ago, holt_bruce81 said:

Man I’m just lost right now and question if im in this for the right reasons. 

you have a bigger set of questions to answer with you and your gal than just the cat and dog controversy, obviously.

first of all, just because she's non-motivated now doesn't mean she always will be. people can turn that around. but yes, what do you want out of the relationship? what does she want? i think this is where you guys need to start, and having a professional counselor with you to guide the process could be sensible and helpful.

[Sugashane]

@holt_bruce81

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And her excuses are just unbelievable...she grew up poor because her mom had to take care of her and her sisters and she says she thinks she’s destined for that life.

First was her father around? Did her mother have a Masters? If either is different than what you two have right now, then she is creating her own fallacy.

 

Quote

And she believes that all “rich” people just luck in to what they’ve got. “Well look at your mom, she doesn’t work much and your parents are living comfortably “...like how do I even Respond to that?

Rich people sometimes luck out, very much so. But most like Gate, Buffet, etc work their butts off and through thousands of business transactions become rich. If she can't put in the effort to even get a decent job, she doesn't deserve to be rich.

The second part is more clarifying to me. She is using your mother being a stay-at-home mother (if I am not misunderstanding) as an excuse to not work. Way to respond to that -

- Your parents aren't "rich" (presumably) which doesn't feed into what she claims she wants.

- Your mother DID work, DID utilize her degree(s), and EARNED the retirement (assuming that she has retired with benefits)

- If your mother is more motivated and involved, then point out how she is not doing her part in this by contrast. Some shy away from that, but I call BS. I stayed at home for almost 2 years with my kids after multiple knee surgeries and did school while being extremely active with the kids. Being a stay at home parent isn't hard per se, but it is long and tedious, needing constant tasks to be done. It is still a job, and she doesn't sound to be meeting an acceptable standard.

- Maybe she wants to be a Kardashian or Hilton. Tough. She wasn't born into riches, that is no excuse to accept failing as a mother and gf. She should want to be better than her mother and teach your daughter how much better she can be.

 

Quote

And it’s always her way or the highway. And i know I know “We’ll get used to that” but it’s just the little things that piss me off...for example, she came from a cat family, I came from a dog family. I’ve learned to accept and love her two cats over the years and when one of them died, I was out there looking with her for one to adopt and was excited to make her happy when we found one. But every time I mention Us getting a dog she just gives me 100 reasons why dogs aren’t good pets. And the conversation usually ends in “fine, you can get one but I’m not gonna like it.” Idk, like should I be Satisfied with that? To me, she should be as excited as I am To get a dog because she knows it would make me happy, kinda like I was With her cat. 

The "well get used to it" argument is crap. You have a right to get what you want in the relationship just as she does. Dude you have a daughter, don't let her develop that attitude where like her she becomes overbearing and unable to compromise, or where she takes after you and becomes to non-confrontational. My nephew got walked all over from seeing his dad take too much flack (IMO) and he is 19, and just starting to grow a pair.

- The "Fine but I won't like it" line is a weak woman argument. She has run out of facts (which are opinions based in ignorance most likely) and is just pouting. Put her on the spot, yo didn't like cats but gave them a shot for her, why doesn't she try for you? Doesn't she care about what you want? If she doesn't have a response just ask, " So you're a child with a temper. Got it." Then go on pointing about her own greed in the relationship,  to show how trivial the dog and cat deal is compared to her obvious failings.

 

Quote

Man I’m just lost right now and question if im in this for the right reasons. And just for facts, yes I was Just as lazy as she is right now at one time, I was At a dead end job making 11.50 an hour, and then my daughter happened and i knew I had To grow up, doubled my salary in 2 years and have a part time job as well. Been working for over a year now 60 hours a week with a torn labrum in my hip and hip dysplasia, I literally Have to drag my leg with my hand, out of my car because it hurts so bad sometimes. But it’s what has to be done. There’s things I want In the future and I’m gonna do whatever it takes to provide and build the life my little girl deserves. 

You're not wanting to break a family apart, that is the right reason. But you're raising a little girl and an adult adolescent right now. She is failing as a mother and spouse, simple as that. Look at it objectively, what would each of yo lose if the other left? My guess is that you could replace her much easier than she could replace you, because guys don't want to support a girl with zero drive. They might date them, but that isn't long-term material.

Frankly, I think you guys need couples counseling to drive that into her, maybe help her get through the mental block that is causing her issues. Set it out there that this isn't working, and it needs to get better. No one should have to carry dead weight in a relationship.This is kind of a tenuous deal though, as if things do get sour then it is obviously much more difficult for a man to be granted custody of a child over the mother in the US. If things are going down that road, then at least put a paper trail or proof of your attempts to remedy the situation and better life for your daughter, along with your gf's failings.