Relationship Advice Thread

[ET80]

Just now, LETSGOBROWNIES said:

BUT THAT DOESN'T PUT YOU ABOVE THE LAW.

[Slappy Mc]

1 hour ago, SteelKing728 said:

I get that they aren't that popular, and I'm not particularly keen on those rings myself, but I'm not looking at it through my perspective. 

To her, a promise ring may hold value in a relationship. Women set the pace of the relationship anyways:

http://www.skillofattraction.com/you-set-the-tone-she-sets-the-pace/

Sounds like she wants "the ring" and "the proposal". Anything less could (and probably will) go tragically wrong.

@Texansfan713 Having the conversation that expresses where you are at in the relationship is very important for a variety of reasons. 

1. You are also important in the decision making. I know that some people may scoff at this, but doing something because someone wants you to or its expected of you is not the reason to do anything. A relationship is a 50-50 partnership. Always make sure you feel like you are heard and have input. 

2. Honesty and being up front will save a lot of emotional problems longterm. Being honest with her/him/them is the most important thing you can do for BOTH of you. 

3. Marriage does not define a successful relationship. I cannot stress this point enough. If she MUST get married and you are unsure about if you ever want to, tell her. Women have a legitimate biological clock that ticks every minute/hour/year. If they want to have kids and get married, every year of wanting those things with someone who isn't sure makes it less likely for them. Talk about those things. Very important that you both are on the same page about kids and marriage. If marriage or kids are a deal breaker either way, it's important that it be brought up. 

Edited May 31, 2022 by Slappy Mc

[Malfatron]

46 minutes ago, ET80 said:

They have a place… with high school puppy love kiddos. That’s a market with a handful of money and no common sense, so somebody is going to exploit that.

I’ve bought my share of Promise Rings, and I don’t think I’ve talked to any of those ladies in nearly two decades… so I guess I’m an Oathbreaker. *shrug*

It helps to give a promise ring thats a  color that starts with letter of her first name as a mnemonic device to keep all of them straight in your head.

 

Edited May 31, 2022 by Malfatron

[Daniel]

2 hours ago, vike daddy said:

what are you doing here, giving advice to 15 year olds?

if a woman wants a marriage commitment or at least a discussion of one, giving her a cheap ring that means "whatever you choose it to be" is the last thing she wants.

fail.

 

2 hours ago, minutemancl said:

If it means anything, I am happily married and also think that is an awful idea.

 

1 hour ago, ET80 said:

Not divorced, not single checking in.

A Promise ring is only going to trivialize her concerns - she’s of age where this is a legitimate conversation to have between two adults in a committed relationship, and pushing it to the side with a trinket meant for teenagers is just so beneath anyone who is actually having this conversation.

I’ll put it like this - if someone is in this situation, and their partner got excited about getting a promise ring? That’s a red flag in regards to maturity and actual concepts of commitment from that partner. You can’t buy an answer for this discussion, let alone buying a cheap ring from Target.

Another married guy (happily most of the time) saying a promise ring is a terrible, terrible idea.

Like the others have said @Texansfan713 have a conversation about where your relationship is and where it's going.  A serious discussion about that is pretty much a prerequisite for any long term commitment.  8 months is probably too soon to be engaged, (A year is the absolute bare minimum IMO) but that definitely puts you firmly in the "we need to talk about the possibility of marriage" territory.

[Slappy Mc]

@Texansfan713

Also, I don't know your particular situation, but I would advocate towards living with your S.O. for a minimum of a year prior to making any longterm commitments. You never know if either of you have quirks that could be deal breakers for your S.O.s.

[Texansfan713]

1 hour ago, Daniel said:

 

 

Another married guy (happily most of the time) saying a promise ring is a terrible, terrible idea.

Like the others have said @Texansfan713 have a conversation about where your relationship is and where it's going.  A serious discussion about that is pretty much a prerequisite for any long term commitment.  8 months is probably too soon to be engaged, (A year is the absolute bare minimum IMO) but that definitely puts you firmly in the "we need to talk about the possibility of marriage" territory.

we already did.  it was a very good conversation actually.  we each made good points and was able to compromise the situation. 

Edited May 31, 2022 by Texansfan713

[OkeyDoke21]

Another happily married man, who has been through similar situations, cosigning to absolutely avoid the promise ring. 

If you're at that point, just buck up and propose, and communicate holding off on a wedding, or break it off entirely.  Promise rings are for children, and this is a decision that needs to be made by two adults.  There is no limit to the amount of time you can be engaged.  Regardless, communicate.   

Edited May 31, 2022 by OkeyDoke21

[vike daddy]

3 hours ago, SteelKing728 said:

Aren't you divorced and single? lol

ever play professional football? coach it? yet you have an opinion on all matters football....

 

given that no one has come to your defense that a promise ring would be a sensible idea here, i'll stick by my original comment. it's a petty thing meant for petty beginner relationships.

[Dome]

If you get a promise ring, might as well get a mood ring too so you can see how pissed she gets lol

[LETSGOBROWNIES]

4 minutes ago, Dome said:

If you get a promise ring, might as well get a mood ring too so you can see how pissed she gets lol

I don’t think he’ll need a ring for that 

[dll2000]

4 hours ago, MWil23 said:

Low key the number of times I’ve thanked and praised God for us being on the same page with finances and parenting is incredible. I’m super blessed.

And for us, both of us being Christians was a non negotiable, because of our faiths being the most important thing in our lives.

Politics we are generally on the same page but she doesn’t care as much.

Being on the same page about debt, housing, and retirement is unbelievably awesome. I know friends and coworkers who aren’t.

I once heard someone say most arguments between couples boil down to sex, finances, or parenting, and in my experience that’s been mostly true.

I was more a CINO when we dated and probably became saved during our marriage.  Eternally grateful for that.

We have always shared finances and I never think of things as hers or mine, just ours.   She worked for 2 or 3 years until we had kids and I have been sole provider since then.   

Most of our savings comes from time we were both working as we didn't spend much and she didn't have any student debt.   We would honestly be rich by now had we both stayed working instead of home schooling, I could have leveraged the capital into my own business and we could have bought rental property as well.

But I wouldn't trade the way my kids have been raised for all the money in Dubai.  I am rich in every way that matters. 

Sex can leave you at any time due to various reasons often medical or natural or accidental.   Be sure to base your marriage on deeper things than sex, even though sex can be very important.

 

[SteelKing728]

1 hour ago, vike daddy said:

ever play professional football? coach it? yet you have an opinion on all matters football....

 

given that no one has come to your defense that a promise ring would be a sensible idea here, i'll stick by my original comment. it's a petty thing meant for petty beginner relationships.

 Its just another idea thats being spitballed out there for someone  looking for advice. I'm married and certainly don't have all the answers myself.

I called those rings "cheesy", but if they like it, then really their opinion is the only opinion that matters. If they don't, then that's fine too.

[Dome]

51 minutes ago, LETSGOBROWNIES said:

I don’t think he’ll need a ring for that 

A Ring video doorbell maybe 

[MWil23]

1 hour ago, dll2000 said:

I was more a CINO when we dated and probably became saved during our marriage.  Eternally grateful for that.

We have always shared finances and I never think of things as hers or mine, just ours.   She worked for 2 or 3 years until we had kids and I have been sole provider since then.   

Most of our savings comes from time we were both working as we didn't spend much and she didn't have any student debt.   We would honestly be rich by now had we both stayed working instead of home schooling, I could have leveraged the capital into my own business and we could have bought rental property as well.

But I wouldn't trade the way my kids have been raised for all the money in Dubai.  I am rich in every way that matters. 

Sex can leave you at any time due to various reasons often medical or natural or accidental.   Be sure to base your marriage on deeper things than sex, even though sex can be very important.

 

No doubt to all of that! My wife has been at home and/or working part time with our kids, but she's about to go back to work full time with our kids in school.

[twslhs20]

promise rings are still a thing? Man that psychotic behavior was present when I was a teen. Essentially it was a tool used by tools for the wrong reasons.