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5 hours ago, TwoUpTwoDown said:

So due to the virus, someone I know who works as a substitute teacher cannot work.

They recently started the job a little over a year ago and took two vacations since starting.

After applying for unemployment, they were informed they would receive an average of their 2 week salary which due to them not working every single day ended up being $350 every two weeks.

They are unable to file for unemployment because of this which would have been $600 a week.

They are unable to pay their bills with that average salary (which they did not request), so does anyone know what they can do?

They can show their genitals to a kid and get fired 

They may or may not get arrested, but either way their room and board will be paid for by the government 

It's the perfect plan 

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10 hours ago, ramssuperbowl99 said:

I actually didn't know anywhere in Mexico celebrated Cinco de Mayo. Meh. I leave the like for posterity.

Mexicans celebrate Cinco de mayo the same way single people celebrate Valentine's day 

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4 minutes ago, Xenos said:

Not sure where the confusion is coming from. He's being nice about the one player and giving some leeway. If there's two, that means it's not an outlier anymore and that the negatives tested are now really positive.

I'm just saying it's not that black and white. How many players, coaches, training staff etc will be involved? It seems like it wouldn't be hard for 2 of them to test positive while being infected from someplace else

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10 minutes ago, vikesfan89 said:

I'm just saying it's not that black and white. How many players, coaches, training staff etc will be involved? It seems like it wouldn't be hard for 2 of them to test positive while being infected from someplace else

But even if those two did get it from someplace else, they are then around other players, coaches, training staff, etc.

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5/11/2020 MoL Scores:

Methodology and disclaimer: MoL score is a simple metric for measuring rate of spread of the novel coronavirus within communities.  The metric was developed by mission and TLO and has not been subjected to academic peer review.  The MoL looks at a trailing average of daily new cases and compares this to trailing active cases within the community.  These rankings do not represent the opinion of anyone other than mission and TLO and should not be taken as advice of any kind.  Please note while the numbers themselves are objective calculations, smugness and Taylor Swift lyrics may factor into our commentary and decisions on tiers.  The MoL reserves the right to make changes to this methodology at any time.  Please follow all relevant governmental and/or WHO/CDC guidance.  We will defeat this virus.

"People haven't always been there for me but music always has"

- Taylor Swift

Today the USA is still smugly in the top tier, while MoL was right about the mission A 

Tier 1: Outbreak under control, safe to begin relaxing social distancing measures

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Tier 1 countries are pretty,... pretty... pretty good

How to safely open up in Tier 1? Take a look at the MoL method for proper easing, otherwise known as the MoL public health cost benefit matrix.

Israel: 0.6

Hong Kong: 0.7

Netherlands: 0.8

Italy: 1.1 (Italy back at their all-time low)

China: 1.1 (China back above the 1, unfortunately)

France: 1.2

South Korea: 1.2 (highest number for these folks in over a month, sad)

Japan: 1.3

Czech Republic: 1.4

Portugal: 1.4

Belgium: 1.5

Switzerland: 1.7

Australia: 2.0 (nice job S!)

Austria: 2.2

USA: 2.6 (all-time low for the USA!)

Ireland: 2.8 (fins people into Tier 1)

Turkey: 3.1

Germany: 3.5

Sweden: 3.6

Spain: 4.0 (tbh the mOl suspects theyll be ok)

Tier 2: New case growth is minimal suggesting social distancing is working, likely a few weeks away from breaking into tier 1

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Tier 2 countries aren't  doing as well as Tier 1 countries, but eh, we'll give 'em a pass, why not!  Especially since Larry doesn't want to get fatwahed again.

UK: 2.9 (when they report recoveries, this number will go way up tbh)

Philippines: 3.0

Global: 3.6 (All-time low for global!)

Singapore: 4.2 (#seasonality for #singapore makes MoL smug af, all-time low)

Canada: 4.3 (Canada sticks at the all-time low, nice job, we expect to see them in the 3s or even tier 1 in the near future, good job!)

Denmark: 5.8

Tier 3: Countries in this group that are showing increased MoLs have the potential to go deep into the danger zones, but countries with falling MoLs may only be a couple of days from tier 2 status and may have already peaked in gross # of new cases

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These countries could really do a lot better if they followed common decency standards, like washing their hands or respecting wood 

Russia: 8.6 (staying put for now)

India: 10.9

Iran: 11.7 (karmas a ***** and MoL was right to keep them here)

Brazil: 15.8

Tier 4: Aggressive growth, still likely have not peaked in single day cases, and likely a week or two minimum from peak in deaths (however many of these countries are still slowing down)

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We feel very bad for the last Tier 4 country remaining on our list, the Mexico.  Its like that time Funkhauser became an orphan at 60 (RIP Funkhauser).

Mexico: 21.0 (should we be calculating this sans the Puebla?)

USA State Level MoLs

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Wow, great job!

MoL Deaths

Deaths now 23% below the all-time high and expected to fall more over the next two days.  Lets see. 

There have been 1,758 deaths since May 10th compared to an MoL projection of 2,079. 

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MoL.png

The MoL would like to thank everyone for their contributions to this important work including @ET80 @acowboys62 @dtait93 @Dome @naptownskinsfan @kingseanjohn @Malfatron @Shady Slim @malagabears @daboyle250 @vikesfan89 @ramssuperbowl99 @sdrawkcab321 @Nazgul @kingseanjohn @mistakey @TwoUpTwoDown @Xenos @Nex_Gen @FinneasGage @TVScout @seriously27 @N4L and the others who love us so much

We'd even like to thank @pwny @Glen and others for their critical attitude because of the attention it brings to the great work MoL is doing 

@TLO

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The message of this gif is that the MoL is signing out until tomorrow (although we reserve the right to **** on anyone who questions our authority on these matters)

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21 hours ago, mistakey said:

yeah

or if mexicans celebrated massively for america's triumphs of v-day.  or the north winning the battle at gettysburg.

When did America win Valentines day? Damn?? I've lost many a battle to that day. 

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16 hours ago, Xenos said:

Not sure where the confusion is coming from. He's being nice about the one player and giving some leeway. If there's two, that means it's not an outlier anymore and that the negatives tested are now really positive.

Any idea on what a player does if they contract the Flu or other airborne illness?  Not trying to start a comparison here but curious if teams have ever had to address this type of thing before. 

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